I need to make a distinction here. For myself.

Yes, there are medical, psychological, sociological, physical and emotional reasons for being overweight but there are people who are overweight who stop their fat-gaining behavior or look to the medical community and find the answer. They change their behavior or take the medicine and over time, they are thin again. I appreciate the frustration and pain they feel while they make reparations to their imbalanced bodies, lifestyle and mindsets.

For me, I was thin and now I am fat. I have medical issues but instead of dealing with it when it was a few pounds, I took my weight imbalance personally. But I found my own reasons to be victimized by fat. I believed it was all my fault. I wasn't good enough to be thin.

I tried everything. I went to regression therapy, counselling, hypnosis and holistic healers. I dieted. I exercised. I tried to remember being sexually molested, emotionally abused, neglected or traumatized without success. I forgave the 12 year old boy who tried to kiss me without consent. I forgave the teacher who oogled my developing pubescent body. Doctors reinforced my own short-comings so I gave up on them.

When the gain started, I lived, ate and breathed anger. I was mad at my body for not being perfect, society for demanding it to be, the world for witnessing my failure, the universe, God, my family, my friends, the waiter's condensing looks, the media, doctors who didn't listen, people on the street, anyone who looked at me, everyone.

For me, food has never been about comfort. It was about control.

I could not control how people reacted to my growing body so I took control of the food. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and how much I wanted. Then I began to realize the food controlled me. Sugar/starch called out. I answered. So I took control again by devouring more! One craving would send me into a power feast that lasted for days.

For me, why I am fat is because I chose to become its victim. I thought if I can't be thin - I will be as fat as I want to be. I allowed it to represent me.

Now, I have good days and not so good days but I remind myself, I will no longer be a victim. Being fat is not personal - it's not about me - it's just a combination of taking care, paying attention and doing what I need to do to resolve this imbalance for me.

w