I've been writing, thinking and feeling a lot since writing that yesterday and I'll continue doing more. A lot gets buried under these layers of fat. Maybe that's one of the reasons why losing it can make us feel sad.

This may sound strange, but the fat surrounding my body has done its best to protect me. Although so much of our society is repulsed by fat, and I have done my share of complaining and hating it too, the truth is that my fat has protected me from things I feared, protected me from things/people I wasn't mature enough to handle, etc. When the world got to be too much for me I ran back and my fat was always there to protect me. Its been more dependable than a lot of people I've known. Yet I have never said one kind word to it in return.

So part of what I have to do in preparing for my new life is to look at my relationship to these layers of my own body. I have to embrace this part of me and make peace with it before I can let it go. And it does feel sad.