I ran across this thread rather by accident, then after reading every page totally glued to each word I remembered that everything happens for a reason.

I'm only on my second day (this time) and I've been quite busy reading and planning meals, etc. I hadn't checked inside to see how I was actually feeling about this change in my life. Thank you for helping me to see that I am afraid, big time. The irony is that no one who knows me would ever use the word "afraid" to describe me.

Thank you all so much for helping me to realize that I need to address my fear. What I do know is that when I was little in age only, I thought to be thin was the ultimate in life. I think a part of me thought it was the key to happiness. Then I got thin and all I did with that thin body was jump from bed to bed getting high on the attention. I didn't even bother to figure out if I even liked the person, they wanted me and that seemed like enough. Then I got married and quickly put on weight and when my husband cheated on me I got thin again and got my "validation" that I had value by bed hopping again.

Perhaps what I want to know deep inside of me is that I can be thin and not be a slut. Why, when I wrote that did I begin to cry? I think I'll sign off for now and just feel that for a while.