Kindof my story too. I relapse. And then I hate myself. The yoyo goes ever up. This time I'm going to try and address anxiety as a cryptic issue that makes me eat for eating's sake. Like I'll eat and not even know that I'm eating. Or the chewing and swallowing sensation helps me concentrate and problem solve something for work, but weirdly my brain is off somewhere and I don't even realize the buttload of crap I'm eating!! I'm really really weird.