Hugs Atriana, don't scold yourself. You've made up your mind, you will quit when you are ready. I know how difficult it is, I'm down to ten from 40 a day and I've given myself until dec 26 to stop completely. I don't know if I'll make it. Just have to keep trying, over and over.
If we fall we pick ourselves up and try again, it's the only way I decided. Keep trying.