I never really gave much thought to the self sabotage issue, but I realize that looking back on the last 15 - 18 years of my life, the unhappier I became with my marriage, the more I comforted myself with food. My husband always "swore that he'd kick me out if I got fat" and I think on some subconcious level I gained weight to punish him....I knew that he wouldn't leave because of his love for our daughter. Anytime he felt like he was in the doghouse, he always brought home some type of "treat" for me...even though he knew I struggled to try and lose weight. He'd make jokes about my weight gain, but then immediately say"Oh you know I'm only kidding". It was hurtful.

So here I am, in the "extended play" process of a divorce, learning how to be me. My daughter is in college, living with roommates and empty nest is another change I'm adapting to. But I feel like for the first time in a long time I have lots of choices and no one to blame but myself.

I will check in with this thread to remind myself that I want to lose this weight for me. I don't need to do it for anyone's approval or love, but just because I want to feel better about myself.

Good luck to everyone!