Well this was a very painful read this morning. My heart just weeps for all who have experienced such rejection and rudeness, especially those childhood experiences.

It has stirred up some emotional baggage that I have going to have to deal with of my own.

My tormenter is my mother. I know she loves me and she is a good, loving mother. She is caught up in her own weight issues and thinks she is helping me.

She has said recently:

" I am worried because you are getting so big"
" Are your birth control pills causing your weight gain"
" Could you have a thyroid problem"

All this is unsolicited and of course she has given me the "I am concerned about your health" talk.

and she has admitted that I am an embarrasment to her. (that one really hurts...like a punch in the gut)

It is really difficult for me emotionally, I mean for goodness sakes I am a size 14! It could be a lot worse, but that is irrelevant. It is about acceptance.

She does not accept me as I am and that is what is most painful. There is constant pushing to color my gray hair, lose weight, get my nails done etc.

When I do meet my goal, I am just as worried about hearing the positive comments she will give me, because I know that she doesn't accept the real me, it is all superficial.

I have to deal with this soon because I am going to see her for Christmas next week.