I agree. The whole grain thing is very fuzzy.

Personally, I get along just fine without grains, but if you prefer to experiment with them, I would suggest:

1. Favoring the most natural forms possible. Which means, if it didn't grow that way, don't eat it. Did you ever see multi-grain cheerios growing in a field? Every see a whole wheat pita tree? Go with wheat berries, amaranth, quinoa, stuff like that.

2. Prepare the grains in traditional ways. Which don't involve machinery. See: http://www.westonaprice.org/foodfeatures/be_kind.html

3. Keep quantities moderate. Think in terms of a cup per meal. Not bowls or buckets.