Terrified to go out....
 

I have a serious problem with going anywhere public. I feel like people are staring at me constantly and judging the way I look. I can't even go into a mall anymore without feeling terrified.

This never used to happen and I don't know how to fix it. I tell myself that when I lose weight I will be so much more confident and the problem will go away. But I still have a lot of weight to lose, and I wish I could function normally (aka not be scared to go outside my door) NOW.

Anyone with a similar problem? Any advice to give?

I have the same issue. Where I feel like everyone is looking at me. Even if there is no one around. I hate going outside. I scared of what people think of me. I don't know if it goes away. The feeling. You basically have to develop the idea that other people don't matter. Forget them. You will never become comfortable unless you get right in the middle of something. That is true for most things.

So I have the same issue. Especially when I walk down the hall at work, people everywhere, I can't handle it.

And the thing is, most people AREN'T staring at us. But I can't help but feel that they are. It's so weird too. Because, at my largest weight, I never cared about what people thought. It's almost like, the more weight I lose, the more insecure I feel...

First, let me say, I think you are a 'doll'......very pretty and 2nd, I've felt this way when I was in my early 20's and weighed 99lbs. It all has to do with low self esteem. For me, it was being w/a man who constantly made fun of my body~my butt, my boobs(or lack of) and it has stayed with me for over 10 years. I have just now started to feel good about myself.- Not sure what changed with-in myself, but something did and that time will come for you too. I just look at myself as being proud that I lost some weight and even tho' I've still got saddle bags and NO boobs, I am feeling wonderful and to hell with what anyone thinks! I still have a problem w/someone taking a picture of me or being the center of attention but I'm working on it and as you can see, I posted a picture. We get 'baggage' in our minds that make us not see the real picture~ A Dr. Phil episode for sure...but I just think you look great and am NOT saying that to poo=poo your feelings...you really do..and once you FEEL that, your whole outlook will change!
:agree:
Jul

Yeah, I know what you mean. Now I feel heaps more insecure, like everyone is looking at me. I hate it since I know they might not be. Well, I don't know they probably are, I am kinda...odd looking, because of the way I dress and my hair and stuff. I suppose I draw attention to myself, but my mindset doesn't allow me to realize that. You know? But I am scared to go outside. I don't know. I kinda have that suffocating feeling when I go out. Unless I am with someone. It is more barable. I notice when I go to say...a bar, I am freaking out.

Jul- I am so afraid that I will still feel insecure, even when I make my goal weight. I honestly have no reason to feel the way I do. My family and boyfriend are very supportive and tell me I look great all the time. But I can't believe it for myself. And you're probably right- I am suffering from a low self esteem, no doubt.

Ayustar- I am the same way! It's not so bad when I am out with other girls. I "blend" in more, I suppose. But it is sufficating to go out alone. I remember last month when I went to the mall, I felt so insecure that I dodged into a store and started crying. Now that isn't normal.

That is terrible. Have you ever gotten any kind of therapy for it? *Not that therapy is good half the time, lol*

This may sound stupid, but I feel way more comfortable when I have my 4 year old w/me while shopping! If I have to go alone, I just don't go. I'm sure there are many w/this issue. I think it's just that if there is any attention it's focused on him and not me. ?? DR PHIL, where r u??
Juli

If I don't have anyone to go with, I usualy don't go. Only because sometimes it isn't safe. I don't like going anywhere alone and I just moved to this town not THAT long ago.

Too bad we didn't all live close! We could go out and RULE the world!!
Hugs to you sexy ladies!!
Jul

I also like to take my kids with me when I go out. At least people will know that I look this way because I've had kids. It really is stupid.

Thanks, ladies. You made me feel a little better. I am going to take your advice for now and try to surround myself with other friends when I go out. I'll still have to work on going out alone though- It's something that I need to fix if I am to live a normal life.

After a binge, or a few days of bingeing, I don't want to go out either.

When I was in calgary I wouldn't leave my apartment for days....even just to step out of my apt. into the hall was a task I had to psyche myself up for. I became extremely agoraphobic and had to coach myself to put on shoes, open door, press elevator button, buy newspaper , go back upstairs.

Everything was painful to do, because I became terrified that everyone wanted to hurt me. This was shortly after my break up with the only person I knew in calgary. So i was all alone and depressed.

I hope it gets better for you. You might want to talk to a counsellor about how you're feeling lately being in public. A lot of it has to do with low self esteem but a big chunk of it could be anxiety that you gotta work through. you need to adjust to the new feelings you have now in your smaller size. :) (((HUG))

What a lot of you are describing is called Anxiety disorder. I have had to live with it for years (started pre-teen). I have missed out on sleep overs, parties, concerts, and even lost a job as a result of this problem. I have had to make significant changes in my career to accomodate this problem and am now working a lower paying job with little room for advancement simply because I do not have to have as much contact with people in order to do the work.

Everyone is different and I don't know that I will have any glowing words of wisdom other than to give hope. I have managed to over come, more or less, this issue. I have been to counseling and during the worst part of it, took medication for it. Now I am able to manage most crowds for a while and am doing so without medication.

For me when I am in a crowd (that is usually more than 2 people in a room by my definition :lol:) I start to feel panicky and have a hard time breathing. The flight or fight response kicks into over drive. I don't know if this was all begun by a low self esteem (been over weight since I was around 5 years old, verbally abused by others etc) or what. I can almost feel a physical pressure from so many people around me and at times it becomes overwhelming. I use a sort of meditation/visualization to control it if I find I cannot get out of the situation. Imagine if you will, Captain Picard from Star Trek yelling "shields up" :lol: and then I just mentally "push" that boundary further away from me until I feel comfortable in my space again. I get alone if I can for even just a second and begin the self dialogue that I am ok. I am in control. Nothing bad is going to happen. No one is paying any attention to me and everything is alright etc.

I am determined to not let this control or dictate my life or where I go. Some times I fail but more and more I succeed. Even if I stay for 1 minute past that first symptom of anxiety I consider it a success and work on extending that 1 minute to 2 the next time and so on.

I hope all of you who have similar problems can over come them as well.

Well I doubt I qualify as a "sexy lady", but I know how you feel. I avoid going out, and if I hear someone leave their apartment and wait for the elevator I'll hang around in my apartment until I know they got their ride, and I'll wait for the next one. If I'm waiting for the elevator and I hear a door open, I'll pretend like I forgot something and go back into my apartment...I feel pretty stupid when I hear the elevator come and go and realize that the person was only throwing out their trash.

I always avoid parties and often social situations where more than 2 other people are present. When more people are there, I tend to feel uncomfortable and just shut down. The most I can usually think to say is "yeah", "no", "hunh", or "wow". I just feel like everyone will be critical of me if I say something else.

I actually had a bad, weird, but a bit funny to anyone else (well, even to me now in retrospect) morning yesterday. First, I tend to go downstairs to the gym either early in the morning or late at night so I can avoid anyone else who is there. Not only am I self conscious about my appearance but I'll often use the elliptical trainer which, well, isn't the most masculine piece of equipment down there. Anyway, I was using the treadmill and doing 2 minute jogs followed by 2 minute walks. A maintenance guy came in and needed to do something with the ceiling, and he either had no idea what he was doing or had the attention of a fruit fly because he kept coming in and out. What made it humiliating was that he'd keep coming in as I got to my walking section, and leave before I got to the jogging. To him, he sees this fat guy walking at 3 mph every time he comes in who, after 10 minutes, is now soaked in sweat. It doesn't help either that my boobs bounce when I jog...I ended up just getting off the treadmill and using the bike. Oh well.