I started to read this thread from the first page but it quickly became too much for me emotionally...yes I can relate to too many of these posts.

Two things have been a constant since I started gaining weight at the end of college: people (strangers mostly) commenting on my "pregnancy" and my own loved ones making "helpful" remarks that actually hurt more than they help. I think it is strange first of all that somebody would actually walk up to a woman they don't know and remark on something so personal as what they assume to be a pregnancy -- even before I gained weight I never did that to anybody. If I thought a person was pregnant I kept it to myself until that woman publicly confirmed the pregnancy. Isn't that just common courtesy? Maybe not so common apparently!

As for loved ones -- my mom and my dear husband have played the biggest roles in being hurtful about my weight. My mom is well intentioned I am sure, but was making hints and remarks about how I should choose clothes that were more "slimming", coming up next to me and pushing my stomach in as a way to remind me to hold it in so I would look thinner, and I'll never forget the look on her face as she watched me pose for a group photo one year, it was an unguarded moment that certainly she didn't want to show but I saw a look of sheer disappointment as she saw for the first time what I looked like in my nice new outfit; it was unflattering and blousy as a way to hide my big stomach. Seeing her looking like that at me hurt more than she will ever know.

My dh OTOH is himself quite overweight so I think he makes insults and jokes about my weight "all in fun" maybe because he can't deal with his own problems overeating and choosing high carb junk. He does love me and is attracted to me but I really dislike the "big" jokes. It's the pot calling the kettle black.

One thing about the original post is that I have never gotten weird looks or guff from a restaurant when I order my burger "protein style" (In N Out)or "low carb" (Carl's Jr). At other restaurants who don't have the bunless option written into their menu (McDonald's, Burger King, etc), I don't bother ordering anything special because I understand the system is an arranged assembly line and it throws them off to deal with special orders LOL. Plus many of them wouldn't know HOW to make the lettuce-wrapped LC burger option, so what you get is a greasy mess wrapped in paper. In those cases I simply take the bun off myself when I sit down to eat and manage with lots of napkins. Nobody has ever stared at me that I am aware of. I really don't think that for the most part, other customers are interested in what I am eating, and in fact probably never notice other people once they get into their own food. I'm like that myself, so maybe that's a big assumption on my part...

Anyway, great thread. My thanks to the OP for keeping it updated and alive.

What does "OP" mean?

Original poster.

Thanks. Sounds like your "dh" could do with a good slap round the face from time to time. Sorry you have had to endure him projecting his own insecurities and guilt onto you, and that your mother has for a long time made you feel an embarrassment to her. You have clearly had to tolerate a lot over the years from people close and dear to you who have been more concerned about how they are seen by other people than by how insecure and rejected their behaviour has made you feel.

This is clearly an old thread, but oh my goodness!!! I started reading it and couldn't stop, despite the intensity. There were certainly moments when my eyes began to well up with tears from stories--and I never cry!!!

Probably in part because I can relate to some abuse from past piers or negligent remarks from family (for a wide range of reasons, weight only being the most recent)... but the degree of abuse that some of you remarkable people have endured is astonishing and tragic. People can be so tactless and cruel sometimes.

I admire everyone's strength of spirit and courage, especially in regards to sharing such personal experiences. This thread could be so enlighening to so many, if only everyone could read it.

I found the opposite from most posters on here. When I was fat I was fun, I had lots of friends and enjoyed life, simply being "good old fat Jo". Once I'd lost weight, altho I still had my friends, there was a sense of almost mistrust. Suddenly I wasnt fat and jolly to them, they saw me as a threat, a show off - but I hadnt changed personality wise. So I had to tone down my jolliness for fear of being taken seriously and viewed as a flirt or a show off, yet as a "fatty" it wasnt an issue??!!!

Jo xxx

This has been my experience exactly! Now that I'm not the fat jolly sidekick, most of my friends have fallen to the wayside, sadly. I'm not going to cut back on being a happy and engaging person now that I'm thinner just to retain friends who obviously only had me along to make themselves look good in comparison.

I don't think it's any different for men, either. My step-brother-in-law, at 350lbs, was jolly old Big Shot. He had a gastric bypass, and now that he's lost 160lbs, nobody calls him Big Shot anymore. He's Jim. Even his sister says he's a show off, though as far as I see his personality hasn't changed at all! He's still jovial and funny, same as he was when he was bigger.

It's actually really sad to see how people have turned on him.

I have been bullied on and off throughout life for all sorts of things, but as a rule i've also been rather skinny all my life too... up until this past year, that is. So perhaps my experiences have been quite different due to that, but I've found it doesn't much matter what it is or how much a person weighs, mean-spirited or jealous people will ALWAYS find something to criticize. :nono:

When I was a kid I was too scrawny, had chicken legs, braces, stringy hair and was too much of a nerdy, book-worm, tomboy. When I got older people thought I was a threat, accused me of wanting to steal boyfriends, being stupid, flirty, fake, bitchy, having an eating disorder... you name it!!! Now i'm heavier and apparently fun, sweet and local therapist... but still fat, dumpy and gross. I won't even get into my families tough-love approach to help. :bash:

The different results apparenly weren't an actual reflection of my personality, because I am still the same as always. The only thing that changed was my appearance... and people reacting differently to it. Which imho, are due to huge stereotypes both the skinny or fat encounter. People acknowledge only what they choose to, for whatever silly reasons.

So, i've experienced backlash regardless of size. A person just can't win in a world of impossible standards, there are too many unrealistic expectations, and everyone's got an opinion. A certain amount of inner self-peace and acceptance is key, however difficult, and letting all those insults and excess opinions roll off. My only endeavor is to be healthy and comfortable in my own skin.

Great new contributions from sysky, ojoj and littleZu. If only people were not so censorious and judgmental, or at least had the good manners to keep their nasty bigoted views to themselves, many others of us would suffer far less in this life. But since these stories just keep coming, it proves that sadly there has been no reduction in the numbers of people prepared to label and castigate others and make them feel wretched, quite often just to make themselves look or feel better. Yet what right do they have to do it? The experiences of many contributors to this thread prove that these self-appointed critics and commentators are morally unworthy of criticising anyone else, and are frequently cowards who would not have the moral fibre to endure what we do. I am beginning to wonder what a serious sociologist or psychiatrist might make of the human behaviours revealed in this thread.

Well said. I want to read this thread as well - just skimmed this page for now...
Kat

I had kind of a strange experience. I have been losing and working out and have gone from a tight, stomach bulging out size 14 to an 8-10. I was in a new classroom setting with 4 other teachers today...all were at the weight I was or more. When I came into the group I felt I was being scrutinized. None of them would help me or welcome me until later in the day when they perceived I was not a threat to them. They talked between each other but not to me most of the day...as if I wasn't there. They all had a huge lattes or calorie drink in the afternoon. I politely refused. I don't discuss my weight unless asked. It occurred to me later that maybe they were uncomfortable at first because I am "thinner". I thought about when I have struggled with my weight. When around thin people who aren't eating while I have been wolfing down everything I could find...I was just embarrassed and trying to figure out how they could be around food and not eat everything. I understand the helpless feeling of not being able to control my eating.
Well...this is just my two cents and musing. I do want to be sensitive to people at whatever weight. We go through genuine deep struggles over our weight and I want to make sure I don't
come across as better than...just being considerate regardless.