Yup, you do develop an attitude!

I actually remained calm in the face of my boss getting pissed at me. That was a first. :-)

I wish that were me, Nancy. I've had 2 episodes of a total meltdown at work. Once it was after a mandatory three-hour "team building" presentation. The presenter was talking about how we should all be continually learning and reading ... but not Grisham. He said we should be reading every business and managerial book that's written, and save the "lite" reading for vacation. He was rather condescending about the whole thing. And it wasn't just me; many others felt the same way.

So, that got me on edge. Right after that I had a meeting with my boss (a VP; we get along famously, by the way, and have a mutual respect for each other). I'm not even sure how it happened, but I could feel my throat tighten, my voice cracking, and tears welling. He could see it and finally asked what was wrong. That's all it took. I started crying uncontrollably, and couldn't for the life of me tell him what was wrong, because I didn't know.

From there I had to go in to another meeting, this one was a lunch meeting where they had pizza. I had gotten control of myself before walking into the room, but was still feeling a bit fragile. The meeting was led by an AVP, and he was getting himself a slice of pizza when he looked over to me and asked if I wanted a piece. Well, that did it. The tears just gushed again and I ran out of the room, saying I needed a minute. He came running after me, and as we passed his office, he took me by the arm and led me in and closed the door. He and I also get along really well, and he knows some of my history and was concerned. He sat with me there until I calmed down and got control again.

Then I went home, mid-afternoon. By the time I got home, a good female friend of mine who knew what happened called me, and again I broke down and my husband overheard the conversation. So then he gets down on me saying things like you can't cry at work, it's unprofessional, blah, blah, blah ... like I could have helped it. I was so mad by that point I ran upstairs and into the bedroom to calm down. When I did, I went back downstairs and in a very level, calm voice I told him that I couldn't help myself that I cried, to which he said "BS!" That's when I REALLY got mad. I asked him, "Do you think I LIKE losing control at work? Do you think I"m not totally embarrassed by what happened? It was just an uncontrollable emotion, like when men yell and swear, which I pointed out he has done before. No difference. I also pointed out that it's a well-documented symptom of menopause; I can't control these meltdowns any more than I can stop hot flashes and night sweats. It is what it is.

At times, being female sucks, especially when hormones are flaring.

Perimenopause and menopause were by far, bar none, the worst times of my life, spanning roughly a 12-year period of my life. This, after a life time of the the most painful, most debilitating cramps every month. Talk about insult upon injury. Maybe the worst part is that no one ever tells you it's going to be like this. I began thinking I had just turned into the meanest b*$&# on earth. I barely recognized myself anymore.

Add to this a slow but sure weight gain that I couldn't seem to stop except for short period of extreme control over diet and exercise. If I lost focus for just one second, the poundage came back with a vengeance and bringing it's friends to set up shop on my body.

It seriously debilitated personal and job relationships. It really felt like a demon had possessed me and I have very little control over my emotions or actions. I know this sounds extreme, but I was a pretty normal person before menopause, then BAM! evil witch took over.

So the fallout is that at least the hot flashes are less, but I now am at the highest weight of my life and thoroughly depressed about it. But even now, I refuse to give up. I want a functioning body back! I want a normal life back! I don't know how this is going to go, but I'll just get up every day and keep trying. Feels pretty hopeless at this point. :cry:

Kelly, you poor thing! Trust me, I know how you feel. Been there, still there. I didn't get bitchy, but did get weepy and emotional.

Do you know the dietdoctor.com site? They have videos you can watch on all kinds of things. Jackie Eberstein, who worked with Dr. Atkins for 30 years or so, has two videos you might find interesting. She talks about hormone balance, carbs, insulin, etc. for women over 50. Go to the site and do a search on "Jackie." There's definitely 2 videos, maybe 3. You have to sign up, but you can do a free one-month trial before having to pay. And even then, it's only $9 per month, which I figure is cheap to be able to hear what the experts have to say.

Thanks Bawdywench - I'll check out that website. In the last couple of days I discovered the ButterBob videos and website. Wow, that guy is inspiring. Started back on LCHF with intermittent fasting. I think getting the insulin under control and stable is the first step to both becoming sane again and losing weight. It's like a crazy puzzle, isn't it? Gotta find all the pieces and make them all fit together to see the big picture.

Baby steps.... ;)

For clarity, if anyone reads this far. The last statement is completely NOT true. My boys are proof. No intervention other than purposeful timing. :D