Teaser has a good point-- daughter ate donuts she felt she was not supposed to eat, because they were for father and son.

Did she eat all of them to spite them? Maybe.
Did she eat them because she wanted them--couldn't resist them? Probably also this too.

But it makes me wonder--did she feel some pleasure or thrill at eating the donuts that were not for her? Oh I believe so!!

There might be some underlying issue going on here. Maybe she is feeling left out of family stuff? I don't know......just tossing an idea out there. . . . . . .

I once humiliated myself as a teenager, during a babysitting job for new people, by eating a whole box of Poptarts. I could have had some, but I couldn't stop until I'd eaten it all, and they looked at me like I was a freak.

It's brain chemicals. That explains it all.

Most likely there isn't any psychological reason for her eating ALL the donuts. That is just how we binge eaters operate. Those little buggers call your name until they're all dead.

Best gift Mom could give her daughter is this advice:

Don't eat the first one.

We binge eaters are on icy hill with greased shoes. Once you lose your footing you will slide all the way to the bottom of the hill, and the food slides down the gullet. All of it. At least I can laugh about it. I can just imagine how terrible it is to be a teenager and not really understand why you do those things or how to control them.

Oh yeah---one is one too many for me. Not so much now, but I tend to eat the whole bag/box of candy, or until the object of my desire is gone. One of my excuses has been, "the sooner I eat it all, the sooner it will quit bothering me to eat it," and "better to eat it all today than to let it pack on the pounds all week long."

Oh, binge eater inside of me, you are so crafty.

Exactly! Hubs used to hide the kids' candy that relatives gave us. I'm certain that part of it was to keep me from eating it all. If it was chocolate, I would eat it all in a very short time. I couldn't think or rest until I got into it.

Isn't it something that food could have such a hold on us? I NEVER thought that it did until I started recognizing some of my own habits here on the boards.

Yep, IMO sugar/carbs are as addictive as alcohol! My father was an alcoholic and I often remember him telling us he was just going to have one..... but that one was never enough, he seemed to go onto "auto pilot". Just like I did when I had just one chocolate bar. My daughter is the same.

My son bought the donuts again today, as he always does for him and his dad to have while they watch the grande prix. Today he hid them!!! Unfortunately my daughter got paid for her part time job yesterday, so she headed out to the local shop to feed her habit. What can I say to her??? I did give her a skirt of mine (thats a tad too big for me) that I know she likes. Its not going to fit her, but I've said nothing

Jo xxx

I've been there too. Thankfully I've got the alcohol under control to where I stick to my limits (I really hate feeling drunk and/or hung over). I always knew I had an issue there, but never with food. I can totally see how someone could be completely blind to their own addiction.



I really feel for you here, Jo, because it is terribly difficult to watch our children make the wrong choices--or at least the choices we've taught them to avoid. I have a similar situation here with my children, nothing to do with food or weight, but still just as worrisome.

I'm sure someone has told you this already, and perhaps you've already mulled this idea over, but as hard as it is, we have to allow them to make their own decisions. A very smart lady told me recently that our kids WILL come back to what we've taught them. I believe that our kids just want to find their own way with no help from us, but once they realize they need what we've been teaching them, they'll know what and who to fall back on for help.

Stay open, sweet mama, and try not to be too negative toward her. You WANT her to come back to you when she needs your help. BIG BIG hugs.

Thank you so much!!

I hope she does. She did say to me the other day when we had our row, that its too late to try to lose weight. she's too big already - how sad when its in her hands. It bothers me that because she feels like that, shes going to not only be in trouble with it by the time she's 20, but she's missing out.

Jo xxx

What I've typed below crossed with Quazimodo's post, but she put it better and more succinctly.

IMHO the one thing you don't want to do is keep flogging a dead horse. From your posts it seems this issue has been aired plenty. The fact she asks you if certain garments make her look fat is a CLEAR indication that she does not like being this way, so when she doesn't like it ENOUGH she may be ready to change - just as you were. It seems to me that now it would be wise to let this matter drop and say nothing more for the time being. Bide your time and wait until one day when the two of you are in a good place emotionally, then gently tell her you love her and that you understand she is an adult now who can make her own choices. Tell her you'll help her if she ever asks, because it's not too late to lose weight, you did it when you were twice her age and much heavier, but unless she wants help you won't mention it again. And don't. What happens next has to be up to her. She may never ask for your help, but all you can do is make sure she knows it's available and continue to model lc so she can see the results on you. It's passive but I think the alienation and outbursts have to stop if there is to be a chance of some mother/daughter bonding and getting off her case might help that.

Regarding the stories of addiction above, boy do I understand! In the bad old days I couldn't sleep at night if there wasn't a loaf of bread, or some other starch in the house. It would make me feel panicky. I would literally get out of bed in the middle of the night and drive to an all night store and buy bread. Then I'd have a slice of toast and go to sleep.

That is how it has worked out for me, or so it appears. My 21 year old daughter is tired of being obese and what she was doing was not working. I really wanted her to join me on an LC diet when she got home from school this summer, but she had never been receptive to it in the past and I had my doubts that she would do it. I asked her and she said yes. No pressure, no guilt, no fight. She has given it her all, too. She even plans on sticking with it when she gets back to school. To be honest, her reaction blew me away. I guess that she has matured enough to where she will take some tips and advice from her Dad. 4 years ago, she was a brick wall. She did things her way and there was pretty much nothing I could do about it.

Reading through this thread, every time I thought of something to say, WereBear said it, and better than I could have.

I know exactly how it feels to be out of control around carbs. I can remember eating an entire loaf of bread at a neighbor's house (much to my mother's chagrin) when I was only eight years old.

I also know how it feels when you're angry and upset and doughnuts make it feel better...at least while you're eating them. Immediately afterwards everything feels so much worse, emotionally and physically.

Add to that the typical teenage struggle with Mom and oy vey...my heart goes out to you, Jo. Those years are behind me. I can tell you that it gets better. The teenager who shouted "I hate you! You're ruining my life!" is now a married, pregnant 32 year old and we have a wonderful, close relationship.

(BTW, the French and Saunders video was priceless.)

My mom never pressured me to lose weight. She was obese pretty much her whole life so during high school and college when I was a size 10 at 150-160 pounds, she just told me all the time how pretty I was and she actually gave me quite a bit of confidence growing up. She eventually had surgery and lost a majority of her weight until she ended up a size 14 and was very happy with that. It was my dad who always had snide comments about my weight. I know he loves me and that he just didn't want me to have struggles that my mother had, but it was hurtful that there were times when he would lose his temper if I was wearing something that made me look fat or if it looked like I gained weight. No matter the how many comments my dad made, it never wanted me to lose weight. I was happy the way I was, I had friends and attention from boys so it never really bothered me.
It all comes down to that it had to be my decision to lose weight. No matter what any one said, it wasn't going to make me follow the diet I was supposed to be on at the end of the day. The ironic thing is that after my mom passed away a couple years ago and I gained about 30 pounds, my dad stopped nagging me about my weight. He came to realize that I will do it in my own time. And I did, I don't know why but something clicked in me October 2013. I still have confidence thanks to my mother, but I wanted to lose weight for me, so I can be healthy and enjoy my life to the fullest.
I know this is hard to hear. I can see how frustrating it is to want to help your daughter to lose weight. I know that you want to help her before it gets out of control. But it's her body and she's the only one who can who can make the decision to live a healthier lifestyle. Maybe you can push her to lose weight, but she won't get over get carb and sugar addictions until she has "seen the light" so to speak.

Personally, counseling never helped me. I wasn't going to listen to anyone who said I needed to lose weight because I wasn't ready to. Just my experience.

And that's exactly how most people are.

My mother and her comments (being obese herself) in response to my weight growing up..."Oh, Jessie. At least you always had a pretty face..."
The underlying passive-aggressive comment "too bad the rest of you isn't"was left unspoken, but it was understood. And it hurt.

My oldest son is overweight, and we are working on it. I do my best to keep hurtful comments like that out of my mothering-vocab.