Wow, Ojoj, that is a fearsome judgment... I wish I could be completely honest, with Dad, with my patients as far as that goes within the bounds of professionalism, or with even you guys.

I know I might lose my dad without gaining even a truce. I grieve for it, but still. If anything, I am a realist. That may indeed be one of my biggest problems.

Another possibility is that I indeed will end up taking care of him eventually. That is rather more likely than not I think! In fact my mother's cousin, who is a nurse, did end up caring for my grandmother when she was dying, and then for her own dying sister right after. I know I haven't chosen an easy profession.

I know that they do indeed change and shape you, your family or whoever formed you. I wish they could always be perfect, and as a kid you think they even are! But they are just as human as you are...

I'm not sure how people even become parents, well, except for the instinctice drive to do so no matter what I guess... And yes, at 35 I am definitely feeling it.

We see it all around us - most youngsters want to "have a baby", they really dont give it a thought that those little babies will grow up and become separate humans with their own minds and thoughts.

I guess, in the end, we simply have to accept who we are, how we are and be the people we want to be. Our parents opinions of us arent important. Its our opinion that matters. So there is no point in fighting with your father, or seeking his approval - just like theres no point in him fighting you or seeking yours. You are both individuals, who for whatever reason, arent capable of being civil.

Of course there is the other view that says, we only hurt the ones we love. I'll bet the things you and he say to each other arent things either of you would say to anyone you werent close to??!


Jo xxx

Most of us were not taught how to get along. Instead, we only had modeling from people who didn't know how to do it!

I think Equinox is being very wise to see this as a learning experience which runs concurrent with her nursing training. I was always at odds with my own mother because we were, and are, very different people. I didn't know how much she battled her own very abusive upbringing, and the things she did I didn't like were mere shadows of what she had been taught! Now, I admire her determination to raise her children differently, even if she didn't get it perfectly right.

She still exasperates me, but we also have a loving relationship that I never dreamed possible. As I learned becoming the third wife... I can "nice someone to death." The second wife actually gave up on her hostility for long stretches because it only made me be nicer to her!

And she came from a horrible family situation, where people never were nice to her.

Kindness is truly a powerful weapon!