Being fat and pretty.
I consider myself fat, as does the scale as it tips at 240. I am told I am pretty....despite how ugly I feel, I still get flirted with (mind you I am married and husband is always telling me how pretty I am). When I was thinner...I was more confident and noticed how others looked at me and treated me. Being bigger, I feel like I want to be invisible...so I walk with less confidence and yet...strangely I still get the chivalrous man holding a door open for me, a flirty glance, some people do double takes....why? I do not know....could it be because I am horrible looking? I honestly don't think so.....I feel ugly and unworthy of any attention at times.....but then there are days I feel sexy and confident...And on those days....I am pretty......so it is all in our own perception.....some people get so wrapped up in their looks, it makes them shallow and hideous....they judge others based on their looks....they say cruel things....most times because they themselves, lack proper confidence...

I wish I believed this was true. I do think there are a few women who "carry it well" and can get away with some extra pounds, but I don't think there are many (though I know there are a few) men who prefer a woman who is truly overweight/obese. Sure, maybe a nicely proportioned size 12, but ... ugh.

Anyway, I don't see this as the natural state of humans (I mean to only be attracted to skinny women), but the media does a pretty good job of selling it and teaching men (and the rest of us) what they should find attractive. I hate it and I would love to find a way to not indoctrinate my two boys with it, but you can't go grocery shopping without seeing the magazine covers and every time they see those, or billboards, or a million other images they see every day they are being taught what the ideal woman looks like.

When I was younger I gained a bunch of weight at one point and when I lost it I remember all of the sudden getting attention from lots of guys when I hit 135. Apparently over that weight my curves were a bit much. And I don't think it was that I was projecting some kind of insecurity about my weight because it was a very happy time for me and I was madly in love with my now-husband. I was 20 years old -- omg, over half my life ago! A couple of other women have posted the same sort of thing on this thread.

I don't think there's anything 'ugh' about some men liking larger women. My partner likes larger women - and there's nothing 'ugh' about him!

Lee

Oh man, you read that really wrong, maybe I wrote it really wrong. At any rate that is not what I meant and I hope that other people didn't think that, too.

I just meant "ugh... if you're not a nicely proportioned size 12 or a skinny minny, it's pretty crappy." Plus, I certainly wasn't including sized 12s as "larger".

Did my post really sound like it was saying we are bad because we are fat and men who like fat women are gross or something? I thought I was saying this is what our culture is like and I'm disgusted by it. I wasn't saying Yay! This is what our culture is like and it's awesome. Really!!!!

eta: Okay, Lee, I just read over my post and I really, really cannot see how you could have thought that's what I meant. I think you are reading things through a VERY sensitive filter.

I wasn't taking offence. And if you didn't mean it that way, that's fine. Still not sure what you did mean though - but maybe I'm being dense.

not sure what its like where you live, but there are a number of people here who believe men who like larger women are somehow weird and deviant - hence that's how I read the 'ugh'.

No problem.

Lee

I am in a parenting group and one of the ladies posted an article about "chubby chasers" and "fat fetishists" and how a whole subculture has grown up with its own norms and message boards and infighting, etc. I think she was surprised by it and maybe falling into the idea that all men who are with heavier women are of that bent. I pointed out that that is a sexual fetish and comes with its own power dynamics, exploitation (maybe) and drama. More often it is that men and women meet, like each other, fall in love, have preferences in the looks department, as all people do, whether large or small. Most of the men I have dated have been with very thin women and also dated much heavier women without giving it much thought (once they get past high school peer pressure).

Absolutely. I think when you're talking about things like feeders and fetishes, then that's different.

My partner's only preference is for non-skinny, he hates bones and ribs sticking out on a woman and prefers soft curves of pear shaped women - which is probably more true to natural biological preference.

Unfortunately the media and current culture is changing what men feel able to find attractive, If you're constantly told that super skinny is attractive, eventually you believe it - plenty of women also fall for this, we see it on the forum all the time, women with a healthy BMI, sometimes as low 18-20, saying they're too fat, their body isn't the right shape, their stomach isn't flat (like they believe it should be) - their bodies still don't look like the women in film, tv, fashion etc, and because that's what they believe the 'ideal' is. They're unwilling to accept that women have different body shapes, and that those they're striving to be like, have been 'selected' for their specific body shape, which is considered acceptable for the industry.

There are a lot a boys, girls, men and women with really unrealistic expectations of what the female body shape should be.

Lee

Well, if we were all " built " like Pamela Anderson, what a freeky sight we would be..... and blow up dolls would be made to look like Rhuben's ladies, all soft bellies and yealding thights.... the first downside I can see for men is the extra breath to blow the dolls up!... ... you have to have a sence of humour or you'd cry all the time.

Yep, the reality is some women are indeed built to be super skinny, others can get that way with a lot of work, but most can't. We're all naturally different shapes and sizes. Even when slim I had really large hips and bottom and chunky legs, when compared to women of other shapes. But this is natural for me, I was lucky (then) to have a flat tummy, but there will be other women who will have slim legs and small bottom. but will have a rounded tummy naturally - I can't rid myself of my large bottom any more than they can rid themselves of their tummy shape (without slimming to anorexic levels - even then, I don't think I'd lose the giant backside ).

Its great we're all different, and we should resist a culture trying to force us to want to be the same. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes - its not some narrow definition laid down by the fashion industry.

Lee

When I was a curvaceous size 14 (and wishing I was a skinny size six) I met a man from Uganda, who told me that the idealized woman of North American culture (and western European culture too, I'm sure) was absolutely repugnant in his culture. He said, in his beautiful Ugandan accent, that he "wanted a woman who wouldn't break" when he hugged her! Looking forward to being that curvaceous size 14 again!

I am not a big fan of the super skinny or morbidly obese look. Pretty much anything in between goes though.

I agree 100%! I think it's about how you present yourself. Now that I'm heavier than I was, I have to work twice as hard to put myself together. Make sure my hair, makeup and nails look nice. Of course my boyfriend loves me all the same, but I hate looking "fat and frumpy."

Beauty has no boundries. What one person sees as ugly maybe anothers idea of beauty. The old saying is true "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." and no matter what society says as a whole some humans are smart enough to think on their own and make their own choice when it comes to beauty.

That has got to be one of the rudest things I have seen on this forum. Why are you on an LC board at 117 pounds, if you find it so "depressing" since you are the only "normal looking one" and have such a problem "looking at morbidly obese people"??? I'm glad it's a breath of fresh air being around everyone in colorado who have "healthy weights" - heaven forbid we, who are heavier, invade your world.



**AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!**

However, this is case and point of a thin person who is ugly. Im jus sayin...

Yes but it's all in the eye of the beholder!

If you're relatively young and have an attractive face to begin with, then being overweight doesn't change that. I have seen many attractive people who are even obese. It is also in the attitude and how people present themselves to the world.

Something strange I have noticed is that three extremely fit and toned men I know are married to women who are several sizes overweight. These are women they met and married that way, so you know it's about love and not physical appearance. But OTOH maybe they just like the "voluptuous" look regardless. The only reason I said it was so strange is that I always previously assumed that the kind of people who were so into fitness and working out would never even look at people who clearly didn't follow the same lifestyle.