I have a big problem with my mother stuffing my kids with huge amounts of candy and other stuff I would prefer for them to eat only on special occasions. Is there anyone here who can relate to this? I think this would not be such an uncommon situation.

I gave her all kinds of information to read, explained to her everything I know in a calm and rational way. But she calls me a fanatic and continues doing this. I think she does it for two reasons. 1) Because it's an easy way to win the kids' love. 2) Because it's a dominance and control issue - she does it in large part to spite me. That's her personality. What would you do? Depriving the kids from seeing their grandmother seems like a bad idea. But having her continue to feed their sugar addiction does not sit well with me either. It makes them overly cranky about the healthy, prepared-from-scratch food that I serve them.

I would have them see her less. Still see her -- just, less. That's probably all you can do. It sounds like the more you protest, the more she will go the other direction with it.

Sounds like you should give her a warning first. If she continues to do it, only let her be around the kids when you're there too.

If it were me, I would put up with it occasionally, afterall, grandparents are supposed to do stuff like that. HOWEVER, if it was too much and too often, I would tell my kids that when grandma gives them sweets, they should say no thankyou we dont want any or, take them and give them to you to keep for special occasions! (Then you can eat em when you have a bad moment - ooops I didnt say that!!!! LOL)

I can relate.... I had such an issue with my family giving DD all the crap and then having to deal with her stomach aches and crankiness afterwards that I had to reduce visits to save my sanity.

Can grandma visit you at your house?

Just a thought...

Good luck!!!

Julie

Felicie,
I have the same issues with my MIL. I've been just holding my tongue. I can't wait till she's older so I can explain to how bad junk food really is. But my problem is that we live next door, since the land that we built our house used to be a part of their land.

I have the same issue with my mother, but with an added twist. One of my children is allergic to dairy, so she can't have milk chocolate or anything which is likely to contain milk. She thinks I'm being far too fussy, but she's not willing to risk an asthma attack.

As I grandmother three times over, I say--NOT. When my children were young I expected their GPs to respect my wishes and now that I'm a GM, I respect their parents whishes. Of course, for me that isn't too hard as I'm stricter than they are!! I do give the kids treats but not often and then as healthy as I can make them. Their favorite--homemade pumpkin doughnuts, made from pumpkin grown in our garden. And they help make them so they are learning to cook at the same time.

Change the word "sweets" to "alcohol" and ask yourself what you would do. Then do that.

Thank you everyone. I feel better just sharing this and getting sympathy from you. I got quite upset after the conversation with my mother on the phone, because she told me that I am obssessed by this, that she just read recently in some newspaper that sugar is not bad for you, and that when my kids will come and visit her, she will give them only pasta, junk food and sweets because this is what they like. She is very overweight and has a lot of health issues in connection with that. She knows about low-carb eating, and she told me that she herself feels better when she tries to eat like this. But she doesn't carry it through by getting rid of all the junk food she has in her house. Plus, I think, she experiences some kind of a vicarious pleasure out of the idea of stuffing my kids with the food she shouldn't eat herself. Maybe this way she could eat less by watching them scarf it down, if it makes sense. But she also does it to irritate me, because she thinks that my ideas about healthy eating and cooking everything from scratch are stupid and I am a victim of propaganda.

I do try to explain to my kids about not eating candy or a lot of refined starches but when they are at her place, they are only too happy to eat the junk food that she serves them or go with her to MacDonalds. Plus my son is at a rebellious stage. He thinks that it doesn't matter for someone his age what he is eating, and he doesn't care what he would look like or what his health would be when he's 35-40, because he will be too old to care. He is naturally slim, so all the junk food doesn't show on him yet. I'll just have to try to limit the time they spend at her place without me. But that is hard.

I had a somewhat similar situation and found that as soon as I said what I meant and did what I said - as soon as they called and said, "how come we haven't seen you", and I answered, "Because you won't abide my rules" - they changed their ways.

My situation was a little different, friends who left our 12 year old boys alone in their house, unsupervised for hours at a time. But the effect was dramatic.

I'll just add that my parents-in-law don't eat health food either. But the food at their house is not anywhere as extreme, so it's OK with me that they eat there occasionally. At least, they give them regular dinners, even if it's pasta or pizza (from white flour), and don't stuff them with pounds of candy, chips, gallons of coca-cola, and MacDonald's take-outs.

This might be a rational thing to do, but I don't think I can say this to my mother. I am not there yet.

Using your children as a weapon is never a good idea. Seriously you can't expect everyone around you to change just because you have. Expecially when the mainstream continues to advocate a diet that is high in sugar and carbohydrates. You've decided to make a lifestyle change, so it makes sense to you, but your mother hasn't so it probably seems extreme to her. If I were you, I'd keep asking her to cut down on the junk, and keep living the new lifestyle in front of the kids (what we do is always more powerful than what we say) and your mother and I'm sure she'll come around.

I know it's frustrating, but I'd give anything to have my mother around to stuff my kids with junk....

??? How can taking children's health seriously be considered using the children as a weapon??? When it comes to our children, of course we can! This is matter of respecting the decisions of the parents.