I've been doing a lot more thinking about this...now that I've had several days of high-fat, high-calorie days and feeling very good again...I decided to copy what I wrote in my journal today.
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I have noticed a trend...it goes something like this:
I'm doing really well, eating 1600-2000 calories per day, good energy, decent moods, good sleep, exercise going well. Then, I'm like, "I feel so good on 1800 calories, & 150g fat, & 80g protein, and 20g net-carbs, let's see how I feel on just a little bit less!" I bet I'll drop a few pounds then, too."
So then, the next day, I'll drop the fat a little. Or the protein a little. Or the carbs a little. Or heck, even all of it a little. Next thing I know, after about 2 days, I'm eating 1300 calories. Thinking that all is well. Feeling pretty strong and powerful that I can "get-by" with 1300 calories. But I also notice that I'm snapping at Mark and/or the kids a little. I'm wishing everyone would leave me alone and feeling a little overwhelmed with life. I also notice that food that normally does not tempt me AT ALL, is starting to look kinda yummy.
Then that 3rd day, I'm down to 1200 calories. Off-plan foods are looking really good to me. I'm thinking about binging, but trying to fight it off, wondering why the LC plan is failing me, when it's supposed to control my cravings? But it's not the plan that is failing me...it's ME failing ME. My children are looking at me like, "who are you and what did you do with my Mama?" Mark is shaking his head. He knows what's coming.
Later that afternoon or evening the kids get into an argument or dinner isn't ready at 6 pm and I'm shaking from hunger, and, I snap.
I lose it.
I'm a blithering cranky mess and I eat whatever I can get my hands on, usually chocolate candy, the kind that I would normally turn up my nose at. The weird thing is, I DON'T feel terrible next day. I feel GOOD. I have energy. My tummy is a little sore, but I'm always shocked at how GOOD I feel after I indulge.
For Pete's sake, I was HUNGRY. My body was driving me to get more food. ANY FOOD. I feel better b/c I got enough calories. My tummy is upset b/c I ate things that I don't normally eat. Lesson...Eat enough FOOD, dufus!
This is my assessment of what is happening with me. I'm more likely to eat for emotional reasons when I'm hungry and dissatisfied. I'm less likely to eat for emotional reasons when I'm chock full of tasty protein and yummy fat.
I've already achieved a really good weight. Why can't I just be happy with that? Why am I driven to lose "just a few more pounds?"
I would really like to see myself continue to eat my 1800 calories of high fat, do my light, fun exercise and take more weight loss as (or even if) it comes. But I might as well be honest and say that I don't know if that will happen. I want to get as low as I can, without cutting anything else from my diet. Dierdra was able to get to the 130's doing pretty much the same thing...I WANT TO, TOO! I think I could be pretty pleased with 139! It would be out of the 140's and anything less than 140 represents being pretty thin and fit for me, based on how I looked at that weight in the past.
I don't know what to do about carbs at this point. I'm just happy that the last few days I have made it to 20 net-carbs and haven't had a binge! That will have to be enough for now. When I feel more comfortable, I'm going to go back to adding 20g twice a week. I really enjoyed that...
Last edited by ElleH : Thu, Apr-12-07 at 12:45.
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