I was fat when we met around six years ago, and got fatter as time passed, yet my DH never, ever said one word about my growing weight or the food I ate. When I decided to lose weight--something I never would have done if my health hadn't really declined--he still never commented on what I was eating or my weight.

We talk a whole lot about struggles I might be having at various points. And he has listened to all my stories about my LC friends. He didn't think it was odd when I took off for a week to meet people from the boards in Ontario either. I've even overheard him telling family members how proud he is of me, and talking to folks about the healthy way I eat.

His support is exactly right for me. I don't feel like the quality of our relationship is in any way dependent on my weight loss success. I feel like he really "gets" the importance of this to me, and in particular, the way I need to think through issues that don't have much explicitly to do with the food part of it all.

I didn't need the food police in my home, I needed an empathetic, loving best friend. He is all that and more.

pssh! i know exactly what you mean highsteaks. missherry, you dont eat veggies? why not? is that healthy? and no kevin, highsteaks isnt controling the board by asking you to disagree in a respectful way.

Some folks use honesty to cloak their rude comments. Two year olds are taught to control their verbage when they think someone is ugly...it's called manners.

Alright everyone, calm your livers.

To Kevin, LadyArya, LiveWell, Lisa, and jeanmarie,
Please, if you could possibly try to refrain from using this thread as a commentary on my personal life, I'd appreciate it. You don't know me, my relationship, my boyfriend, or really anything about my life. Certainly not enough to be making sweeping and insulting comments! Fortunately I'm able to smile at how ridiculous it is you feel able to pass such judgements after reading a couple of posts...

I mean, really people! Obviously, in starting a thread about this, I had to cherry pick some examples of support and non support. Since this is neither the time nor the place for my life story (I believe those are known as journals), I just randomly jotted a few things here.

And for your information, jeanmarie, I have been financially supporting both my boyfriend and I completely for the last seven months. He's writing an amazing book, and I'm happy to do so. I was referring to occasions when he has gone out and bought me steaks for treats, or when he was willing to have our food budget be higher and sacrifice other things...

As for the control issue, OF COURSE it's about control! The whole point of changing the way you eat is to gain control over food, not have food controlling you. And I'd like to continue to work toward my own control, without needing a nag on my shoulder. To me, that's a crutch, and an unhealthy one.

Lastly, I really don't feel like defending my own life to people who are so rude and ignorant. I brought up a couple of points to see if I could get some discussion going on the ways people have found their significant others to be supportive.

To everyone who answered the thread in this vein, thank you!! (And thanks, jillibean for the defence!)

I really appreciate your responses. Isn't it fun boasting about the good stuff? And talking about the hurtful things, at least you know you're not alone!

I apologize that, in between these positive responses, this thread has become a negative place. I can only hope those people so ready to pass down verdicts on other people's lives will either find some place else to go, or actually enter into a constructive discussion about the topic at hand.

Rocks - I totally agree.

I used to work for someone who prided herself on her "honesty", which really just amounted to being as rude as she liked to anyone and everyone. When people use honesty as an excuse for rudeness, it really shows just how ignorant and inconsiderate they are.

taming,
You sound like you have an incredible relationship! You express so well what I mean about not needing food police. The kind of support and empathy you describe is so much more powerful than someone butting in to tell you what to do.

Actually, we don't "support" each other on the issue. We're both adults and what goes into our mouths is our own responsibility. He understands my blood sugar issue, but we don't discuss it much.

I've gone up and down the scale a bit, and he's gained quite a bit. He'll joke about it a bit, but IMO, it's an individual's issue, not a "couples" issue. Don't make it one.

So IMO:

Appropriate support = doing what the other person asks of you, like not keeping junk food in the house, buying and preparing different foods. Caveat: you have to DO the asking. No one is psychic and my SO, like many, has never had food issues. He could never really "get it." He does and says clueless things sometimes, but I don't make a big deal out of it. My history of EDs are my issue to deal with.

Support gone wrong = being a food cop, but again, they probably don't know that's not what you want. If you talk about jealousy and deliberate sabotage, that's a whole 'nother thread.

Kristine,
I think your caveat is an important one. As I've said, the line is a fine one, and people are sensitive in different ways. How is anyone supposed to know how to best support you if you don't TELL them??

The cluelessness is kind of adorable sometimes!! Especially with this way of eating, I think it comes off as really confusing when you can eat a huge, juicy steak but say no to mangos!

I spend a lot of time lurking on this forum, and generally refrain from posting as I'm too busy biting my tongue....

But this takes the cake. I agree with kevinpa and the others....and I think that you are the one being rude.

I have noticed that many people on this forum don't have a weight issue...they have an emotional/psychological issue. And highsteaks, your posts are Exhibit "A".

We only know what we read about your relationship...WHAT YOU POSTED....

And I just don't see the "fine line" between your BF being "helpful" and "hurtful"...in fact, all I see is helpful support. You want to see hurtful, then read the posts about their DHs or BF calling them a fat slob or gross or disgusting.

Good grief....

Exactly my point. So don't post ridiculous judgements on something you know nothing about. Post on the topic of the thread....not on my relationship!

Is that really so hard??

Perhaps if you are so sensitive about it, then YOU should not have brought it up in the first place.

And you should be reading the "judgments" for what they are: an objective POV.

My DH is very supportive himself he even tried to stay on it with me. At one point he failed no self control and eating donuts but he triied and I think it's great that you have support keep up the great work

This is getting really tiresome....

What I brought up (I feel like I'm retyping this for the thousandth time, but I guess it takes some people a while) was the ISSUE of support. Of how people felt about various methods of support THEY had received. I used some examples from my relationship to jumpstart the discussion.

I did not bring up these examples to open up my relationship to a public flaying by people who know nothing about it, other than these random, out of context examples. Seriously, who cares about my relationship? It's really not about that...it's about general support. TO HELP PEOPLE. Isn't that what this forum is about?

You CANNOT have an objective POV on something you know nothing about. If I want an objective POV on my relationship, I'll go to a trained professional, thanks all the same.

I come to this forum to learn and find support. For the most part, people are wonderful. I just wish others could find something better to do than snark about personal issues. They really only display their own insecurities.

Thanks droppin!

LOL...we are trying to tell you that what you deem as hurtful is really helpful, yet we are insecure?

Perhaps I should put it in a more explicit context: if your SO buys you a subscription to a low carb newsletter, that is very supportive. Likewise, if your SO is there not to be a food cop, but to act as a "check" on your choice to eat ice-cream, then that is also supportive.

PS: Your condesending attitude does not help...."you reap what you sow."