I have been overweight all of my life. Growing up overweight was harder than it is now because kids can be so cruel. Now being fat is not only about my image but also about my health. I'm overweight and I'm starting to feel the effects. I feel unhealthy and I look unhealthy. It's not normal to be 22 and feel this way; however, it needs to change... NOW!!

Hmmm...well the first thing that popped into my head when I asked myself how being fat made me feel was inadequate. I feel like less of a person than those who are healthy and fit and beautiful, I feel like I don't deserve things, like my wonderful boyfriend. It's such a terrible feeling . I feel depressed sometimes, desperate, angry, helpless, broken down, weary, insecure, weak, bitter. There are so many things that being fat makes me feel, and that's why I'm losing weight, I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough, I'm ready to start feeling that I deserve a better life!

I feel PO'd, because I am here in this body again.

Anyone who tells me I am 'beautiful' anymore, I automatically think they are delusional and/or drunk.

I've also lost out on a decent raise ~ work, and I wonder if it is because of the size of my 'jeans'. It was approved and then a board of directors (all male and like 15 of them) poo-pooed the idea a few weeks ago. I used to get tons of attention - too much infact, and now I get practically none. Pretty sad that people cannot even look a chubby gal in the face. Or when they do, they comment that my face is not really big at all and it does not match my body. (MOST of my weight is in the apple zone) UGH

Why can't people look at a chubby gal? I try to make eye contact with everyone, but it is rarely returned.

Hmpf!

That's exactly how I still feel most days- trapped in a body I don't want, and I'm trying desperately to get out of before it quits on me. I don't feel helpless anymore, because I know what I need to do and I'm doing it now.

I tell my DF I wish I could be like a snake and shed my skin, only shed this body instead. Sad, but true.

I feel frustrated sometimes, because controlling my weight is so difficult due to a few health issues. I diet and work out and work out and work out, and very little happens. And even if I make a difference, the next time my thyroid goes out of whack I lose a lot of ground.

However, I refuse to hate myself, or even hate how I look, even though I know I'm supposed to in our society because I'm a size 20. Frankly, there's no percentage in it.
Why waste your energy? All of you are wonderful people and you should enjoy life. If we took all the energy people in this thread have spent disliking themselves and used it for something positive we could really achieve things.

I know it isn't easy sometimes, and I'm glad you're all being honest in this thread. But it distresses me to read it.

When I read the topic of this thread these words popped into my head:

`ugly
`worthless
`unwanted
`unacceptable
`gross
`bad
`judged
`depressed

Those are just a few. lol. I need to start my diet and soon! Anyone have an unused/un-needed Atkins book? PM me!

Thanks.

Joy

I'm trying to put aside my feelings about hearing people at or below my goal weight describing themselves as "Fat, disgusting, ugly, worthless..." since I KNOW it's just your perception of you OWN body, but I have trouble getting past it.

You likely wouldn't dream of coming into my journal and telling me all these horrible things about MY body... but reading over and over how being a size 14 is gross, or being huge (at less than my goal weight) and disgusting, and worthless makes me feel judged, even though I KNOW it's not my issue.

So I guess, sometimes, being fat still makes me feel like I have to justify not hating myself, since it's apparently the majority of people who hate fat.

*STANDING OVATION AND THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE*

I don't want to offend anyone, but I have to say that this thread really made me want to cry. I know everyone sees themselves in a different way. I try so hard to work on my self-esteem issues. I hate this body that I have. I do not feel healthy or pretty. My dh says I am gorgeous. But he is blinded by love.
Then I see people who are "skinny" in my book discribe themselves in such unflattering words, it really hurts.
Do you see the rest of us in that light?
Sorry

DebbyD - I am a little offended by your comments but only because you would think that this has to do with you somehow...no one on these boards would ever say something to hurt you or others that are here. Our thoughts about ourselves have nothing to do with how we see you. It has to do with how we see and feel about ourselves...and I think that this thread has given people an opportunity to talk about that and get it off of their chest. I started at over 200 pounds and am down to 180 - in no way am I thin or skinny in anyones book. Many of the people who have commented here started at over 200 pounds but it wouldn't matter if they started at 150 pounds...they were overweight and feeling bad about themselves. And if someone is down to their goal weight then maybe they are talking about how it made them feel before. This wasn't meant as something to make you feel bad about yourself or to make you wonder how others see you...its about how we feel about ourselves. It's not meant to be offensive or taken personally in any way. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. Try not to take it so personally...ok. ;0) Lots of hugs to you!

I apologize. I didn't think. I know that everyone feels the way they feel. That doesn't change because they may be smaller than someone else. I hope everyone will please accept my apologies. We really don't know exactly how someone else feels. So my comments were unkind. Thank you Jody for pointing it out to me. Lots of xxx and ooo's to you.

hate it soooo much, i feel like i am wearing an extra layer of clothes. nothing fits anymore, yet i refuse to buy anything new. (was 9-10, now 13-14, 5'11 and 184 lbs now)

i want to blame the antidepressants i've been on for the last 6 months, but i also now its my lack of exercise. how to exercise when your lungs strain and you feel like a blimp at the pool/seawall. also, a big stress brings on a big carbo binge, and discredits my previous weeks work.

what i have learned...never never never again will i laugh at the large woman/man struggling to walk/run/be.

DebbyD-- I don't think you have ANY reason to apologize to anyone. You have as much right to voice your opinion as anyone else. Even though the poster's comments about their own body size aren't directed at anyone else, it STILL hurts to see people hating themselves for being "fat" when they haven't a clue what your struggles are.

I used to bemoan my fate at gaining 20 lbs back when I was a "whopping" 150 pounds. It wasn't until one of my favorite teachers, who happened to be morbidly obese, gave me a good lecture about how insensitive it was to bitch about MY "fat" when I had NO CLUE what is was like to actually BE fat. I really had no clue. I was a bit taken aback until I realized how feeble my complaints must sound to someone who had to struggle to get through the day, had bad knees, bad back, high blood pressure, borderline diabetes, and couldn't lose weight even when on a starvation-level, medically supervised diet.

I had NO intention of hurting her feelings, but I did. She felt like shaking me for not appreciating the freedom that my size afforded me. All I could see was my own warped perception.

Poetic justice, perhaps, that I ended up becoming obese myself. Now the shoe is on the other foot, and I can understand how my words, wich were meant to punish only MYSELF, inflicted pain on her.

Gosh, maybe I should have made HER apologize for being hurt instead of looking in the mirror and learning a few lessons, Jody?

I'm glad you're feeling better. Everyone's feelings are valid. The thinner people who hate their bodies are no less entitled to their pain than anyone else, but from the outside it's easier to see how the highest prison walls are the ones we build for ourselves... and we're the only ones with the key.

My intent isn't to make anyone feel stupid for feeling fat at a low weight, just to address the issue that we need to be at LEAST as kind to ourselves as we would be to a stranger. None of us would DREAM of going up to someone on the street and saying the harsh words we say to ourselves.