Back to the origional topic...
I love being a Devil's Advocate

If Dr. Phil were here right now he might say that this problem between husband and wife could possible have nothing to do with food at all but that there is the lack of a 'lifestyle plan' for this couple, or if there is, boundaries are being blurred which turns it into a struggle for respect and sabotaging choices.

On the other hand, in my family we have a history of Cancer, Heart Disease, Obesity, Hypertension and Adult-Onset Diabetes. Part of my choice for this WOE is that I simply want to live longer than my parents did. At 34, I have lived exactly half of my parents life span, they both died at 68. My husband, 6'7" and 156 lbs (bastard!) and I have similar WOE. He does indulge occasionally and he does eat more carbs that I do but at no time does he endulge in what I would consider 'dangerous' carbs? Ya, know, the ones that will create some of the conditions I described earlier. We don't keep them in the house, nor do I ever buy potatoes or regular pasta, white flour or anything that could be considered a big no-no. OK so I am rambling but I can tell you all that it does make my life easier to not have these in my home, and the support from my spouse means the world to me.

Please enjoy my .02
me.

In my opinion the issue is not willpower, but commitment. If your stats are accurate, you've been low-carbing for three months and haven't lost a pound. Again, *if those stats are accurate*, I think you need to do some serious thinking about your commitment to this style of eating. If they are not accurate then I could well be wrong about your commitment situation.

One thing I've learned in reading this board is that the people who have been successful in losing a large amount of weight, which is what I am working on, rarely, if ever, cheat. You can't hope to lose a lot of weight without a high level of commitment. The "will power" comes from the commitment. You don't have as much to lose but I think the principle still holds.

I live in a house with a wife who is supportive and 2 teenage daughters and my Mom, and I am the only one doing serious low carbing. I was a fanatic for potato chips in the old days (a big reason why I got up to 390) but when I went low-carb I didn't even throw out the bags we already had and I never touched them. We threw them out months later because they took up too much space in the pantry. Did I have willpower? Hah!!! If I had any willpower I would have lost weight the first time I tried when I was 224, rather then end up at 390 10 years later. For me the turning point came when I was diagnosed with t2 diabetes and had to decide whether I wanted to see my girls grow up, whether I wanted to keep my eyesight, whether I wanted to keep my feet. My "willpower" was so well known that I don't think anyone who knew me thought I had a prayer of getting my weight under control, including and especially my doctor. I was even thinking that if I didn't find a way to lose weight I would look into weight loss surgery. But I fell into this low-carb way of eating and the combination of a strong *commitment* and good advice is working. Trust me, I haven't all of a sudden sprouted willpower, as can be amply demonstrated by other areas of my life.

On a practical level, the whole issue of snacking can be dealt with by allowing yourself to snack but changing what you snack on. As I've lost weight I've had to start keeping a little closer eye on calories as well as carbs. But when I was getting started, which *is* the hardest part, if I got hungry at night I just threw a frozen hamburger patty into a pan and in less than 10 minutes had a juicy delicious snack that beat the heck out of a half bag of potato chips Sometimes I even ate it with, gasp!, mayonaise. If I wanted a sweet I made some low carb chocolate peanut butter cups with a recipe I had found. I always had things around to snack on that fit my way of eating. You have to plan and you have to focus on all the great things you can eat, both for meals and for snacks, that you could never have eaten on the deadly "low-fat and die" way of eating.

When my daughters sometimes complain because they don't have this or that I tell them "Look around, you are better off than 99+% of the kids your age in the world - don't focus on those few things you can't have, focus on the many many good things you *can* have. If you spend your life appreciating what you have you'll be a happy person. If you spend your life brooding about the things you don't have you will have a bitter unhappy life". And I have had to bring that same attitude to my eating. Maybe I won't eat pizza, but I will make and eat a cream sauce for roasted turkey that tastes so good it would make a grown man weep. Maybe I don't eat sandwiches anymore, but I have discovered that salads with meat and/or cheese in them - antipasta salad, chef's salad, grilled chicken salad - are delicious. I *love* my new way of eating!

So it is committment and a change in the way I think about food that has worked for me. So by now, when my wife and kids have pasta with dinner it doesn't tempt me in the slightest. It is not willpower. I would need willpower if I really wanted that pasta but couldn't have it. But I am pretty much completely indifferent to the pasta. I have other things I eat that satisfy me and I get the added bonus of knowing that my weight is steadily dropping (something I had never experienced on anything like this scale) and that I have a pretty good chance of living out a normal lifespan with my eyes and my feet intact.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just telling you some things that have worked for me.

Well, this message is ***way*** too long, but I hope there is something in it that might help you. Good luck.

Rich

Kwikdriver,

In answer to your post, are you going to honestly say that you believe that refined sugar is less harmful than Splenda? The one molecule that they remove and replace with a chlorine one is insignificant. Actually, chlorine is found in many natural foods that we eat. I will, however, say that the fillers in powdered Splenda may cause a problem as opposed to the liquid version.

As for the "slip of the keyboard"...ummm....no. Purely intentional. Just becuase I was able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining a significant amount of weight does NOT mean that it wasn't just as hard for me to change my WAY OF EATING than it was for an overweight person. Bottom line, I had to give up foods that I thought I loved just like they did. The struggle is the same, no matter which way you look at it. We are all striving for health here. The reasons to begin may differ, and yes, some are for vanity reasons, but the goal is the same.

And as far as your high carb version of 20g a day? You and I both know that it is not good to substitute something sweet for something healthy. If you only allow yourself 20g and then have cookies, or cake, even just a taste, you would have deprived yourself of a good part of your daily allowance.

And what gives me the right to post anything on here? The same reason that gives you the right...freedom baby. I know I can never eat my precious french fries and potato chips again (never really liked sweets anyway) and it sucks! So can I relate to the OP...hell yes I can...especially when McDonald's is across the street from my home and I can smell them.

I look forward to your rebuttal, actually. Had your OP been worded differently, I would have seriously considered your opinion. But the tone of it and the gross generalizations offended me.

Enjoy and lay off the cookies and cake, darlin'!

In response to the OP....

WIllpower IS a load of crap. As Dr Phil says, it's what carries you through, white-knuckled until it runs out. What you're asking of your wife is that she help you set up a "no-fail environment" a safe haven of sorts where, when the cravings hit, you can't go off-course. At midnight, when you want ice cream, you aren't likely to get in the car and drive to an all-night store to GET it if it's not right there in the freezer calling your name.

Maybe the locking cabinet IS a good idea, if you find yourself ferreting out her hiding places.

No, we aren't helpless over our own actions, but YES it IS easier if you can get the support and cooperation of your family.

I agree with Kry..Anyone who claims the chlorine in splenda is dangerous needs to go take a basic high school chemistry class. Ever hear of NaCl and KCl.....salt and salt substitute? Chlorine in itself, as a gas, is toxic.....but not when bonded with an akaline. Chlorine is not inert.

Willpower like muscle is something that you have to develop. At this very moment there are a dozen donuts, an angel food cake, bagels and potato chips in our staff office at work. Everyone brings in something to eat. Do you know how much of that I have had? None. Its a conscious effort and not always the easiest but it is something you do control and everytime you resist it gets easier.

Wow!!! I was just quoting from the Splenda website, but you actually nailed it! Kudos!!! I don't even remember Chem class...was ummm....23 yrs ago?

Oh great; now I ruined my own day!!!

I'm going to honestly say I have no idea. I don't eat sugar, and I don't eat splenda or anything like it except very small amounts of aspartame, and I wouldn't be in the least bit surprised if aspartame turns out to be harmful. I believe the difference between mono (good -- or at least they are until someone changes their mind tomorrow) and poly (bad -- until someone changes their mind tomorrow) unsaturated fats is one open bonding spot in the chain (not too up on chemistry, so forgive the crudeness of expression). Who knows what one molecule swapped out can do? Why take the risk?

At any rate, I was highly annoyed by the vituperative, self righteous tone of many of the early posts (coming from people who obviously have their own problems with food, or they wouldn't be here), and posted in such a way that expressed that annoyance. Since then there have been several considerate and thoughtful posts, so I will happily take a leave.

It is absolutely easier to be successful on low carb when your home is a safe zone.

I have nothing for admiration for those who are able to be successful in a house full of carbage. I was not able to do it. I could go along for a while, then have one moment of weakness and be back on the addiction roller coaster.

When my husband finally joined me, we made the house a safe zone, and that has made all the difference. I think maybe now that I've been able to be very serious about lc, I could probably manage if there were some in the house. But I needed several months, not only to beat the physical problem, but to be able to overcome the emotional addiction, and the psychological memory of the seratonin rush that comes with the high carb high fat snacks. Absolutely every bit as addictive as alcohol or narcotics.

craigy, is there any way your wife would be willing to join you in low carb for a few months, to help you past what may be an addiction?

i guess i was a carb addict, but then again, i think the reaction i used to have to cereals and cookies was as much physical/chemical as it was mental--and now that i understand more about how our body works, i'd say it was much more physical/chemical.

a few years ago, i could "chew through a sleeve of cookies like a woodchipper" but now, i have an open box of double stuff oreos (i know, the worst ever, but my son had a craving and bought a package the other day--probably the first oreo he's had in 2 years) and they are just sitting there.

is it willpower? is it mental? or is it just that once you get yourself clean and free of empty carbs you just don't want them anymore? i don't know. but give yourself a chance. do induction, do it right, and for some reason you will no longer care what's in the house!

it doesn't make sense. i thought it was a load of hooey when i first heard of atkins. our minds can't quite comprehend what the books and the studies about low carb tell us, but if you make a commitment to it, it will work. and you will feel stronger, healthier, leaner than you could imagine. and then you will finally realize that YOU are the only ONE that can control what you eat and it will make you happy to eat good things--not sad to pass up on those junky things!

It's really great that everyone has conformed to your perception of "considerate and thoughtful". You make it sound as though we should have all patted the poster on the back, telling him he's 100% right and his wife is an evil person.

Most of us have slim people in our houses. My husband is beyond slim, 6'2, 135lbs. He eats whatever. I may make a plea about a food, he's been very supportive on some points, unbudging on others.

Does those of us that believe will power is a must make us better than others that find a problem with it?? No way! We all have our own demons to deal with...including the one mentioned. That does not mean I will treat with kid gloves someone else going through it...only for the fact that I don't want to be treated that way. I'm a give me like it is person and expect it back that way.

We all must be accountable for ourselves. We must learn to accept situations as they are. We can ask for change but if the change does not happen from others, we must learn to deal with the situations ourselves.

I only tell people on this board what I want to be told and will not conform my posts to anyone elses likings.

I will, however, repost the links to the two sites I posted before...

www.oa.org

www.greysheet.org

Craig, as for you thinking everyone is over dramasizing your questions...a so called simple question can not be answered simply if it's asked in a dramatic way.

Craig,..........Some of us on this WOE are flying solo. Some of us have support to varying degrees. Each of us, however, is ultimately responsible for the change within ourselves. Trying to change anyone elses behaviour before we change ourselves, is an exercise in futility.

Kwikdriver,............you have expended a great deal of energy responding to replies given to the OP.

Having slashed so many other's contributions to shreds, may we not hear how much better the OP could have been answered by your example?

Enlighten us by saying what should have been said to Craig. Please.

Oh my God...call the papers! Tater and I agreed on something!

I did? Gee, I've re-read my posts, and couldn't see it. Either I need reading and writing lessons, or you need logic lessons. Friendly hint: look up the term "Straw man," before deciding which of the two above options is correct.




The question, madam, isn't what should have been said to Craig, but what very clearly should not have been, given the purpose of this message board, which is, you'll recall, supposed to be to provide support to people trying to follow a certain way of life. Bragging about the willpower of one's self, SO, or children while berating someone else for their alleged lack of willpower isn't providing support. Please let me know if that's enlightening enough for you.