I have to ask at this point. When did we collectively lose our sense of humor? Our tolerance? This thread started out (I believe) as a good-natured jab at some folk's shopping habits, but it seems to have gotten progressively darker every time I come back to read it.

I realize (and Cait will be quick to point out) I'm not always the model for tolerance myself. As I mentioned before, rudeness is a hot-button issue with me and I'll be quick to call someone on it. But for the most part I try to reserve my ire for deliberate rudeness--the sort of person who knows that they are being callous and boorish.

It's sometimes difficult to remember this, but no matter where you are--shopping, driving, at the bank, wherever--there are those who move through life faster than you do, and those who move more slowly. It's easier to accept that than to expect that we will all march through our existence in formation like a Fritz Lang movie, with about as much soul in our lives.

As was pointed out earlier, when did we get to the point where a minute or so mattered so dearly? Hellistile, I agree that five minutes might be cause to complain, but I can't imagine that to be the norm. If so, I'd consider shopping elsewhere. For the most part I agree with catfishghj, that this is not a deliberate attack on your well-being, but just an example of a service employee trying to be more personable to the steady stream of customers.

I know that I appreciate it when hotel clerks, baristas, store checkers and such remember me and try to inject a little personable conversation into the transaction. It's good business to make the customer feel more connected. It helps that I smile back and respond in kind, only complaining if there is a reason to. I, too, would prefer to be a pleasant recollection at the end of the day.

Nicely said Scott !

Well said!


Cait

Holy Moly! After reading this, I'm going to be paranoid every time I shop for food wondering who's going to be offended by how I drive my cart, who I speak to, how my children behave, or the fact that I dared to bring a child with me, or whether the checker dares speak any non-food business related chit-chat as I pay, or whether I take the time to write a check????

As for men shopping, I work in a remote site for 2 weeks then return home for 2 weeks. My husband would get real hungry if he waited for me to go shopping! He gets to take our son and his 2 grandsons along with him and I'm quite sure they have been too noisy and energetic for those with certain anti-children sensibilities on occasion. Their mother (his daughter) died of cancer and he manages to care for them and run a business on his own while I'm gone.

When you see that elderly person having trouble getting around-know that one day you'll be there as well-if you’re lucky in life and live that long.

When you see that harried parent trying to get through the store with the whining "brat", know that there may be more to the story than poor parenting. Also ask your parent if you were always perfectly behaved in the grocery store as a child-the answer might surprise you. I've known plenty of parents that had well-behaved easy children and thought they were Dr. Spock clones until the next one arrived....they find out not all children are created equal. Nothing like a child with ADHD to provide a little parenting humility!

When you see that distracted person driving like there is no one else is in the store-locate your buried sense of humor and smile that they are so able to distance themselves from the mundane tasks of life such as grocery shopping.

When that person of the male species annoys you as he wanders the food isles and chats with old friends along the way as three laughing, noisy little boys hinder your progress for at least a few seconds, know that he is a loving and caring father doing the best he can. If you really want to brighten your day, compliment him on being so brave!

I think I'm that woman with the toddler who annoys some of you. I don't really know. I try my best to be very polite, but I enjoy being with my child ( ::::gasp:::: ) and so we go to the store together. Not because we HAVE to, but because I just like taking him.

Sometimes he cries and gets upset because he can't have whatever it is he wants. Often it's because what he wants has dairy in it and there's really no way to explain to him that he's allergic to whatever it is. I speak to him calmly and patiently I explain for the 10th time that he has some juice already right there in his cup holder... or that he can have some crackers if he decides to get back into the cart. He just turned 2 and he really can't communicate.

Today he wanted to "WOK! WOK!" while we shopped, so he walked... and he walked away.. and I got down on my knees and he ran to me at full speed... and he thought it was so much fun that he did it again... the aisle was empty, but we stopped after the second time. He didn't like that very much and had a bit of a meltdown. Still people managed to smile at us and compliment me on how cute he is (well, he really is).

Maybe what I call "patient" other people call "permissive" and maybe what I see as "normal and age-appropriate behavior" others see as "bratty".

All I know is that in my world, my child comes first. If that means that he wanders a bit off course while he's learning how to navigate the aisles with me and a fellow shopper is forced to yield to him, well.. that's kinda just the way things go. I smile and say I'm sorry and really, I am...

My philosophy is teaching him that my world revolves around him, but everyone else's world does not. You can't just expect a 2 year old to understand that. It takes practice and practical application -- like going to the grocery store and to other public places where the boundaries can be tested.

I think the only thing I can truly say bothers me is people who don't smile when I smile at them.. or people who don't say "it's OK" or "no problem" if we get in their way and I say I'm sorry.

I know I always say, "no problem" or "it's OK!" or "I've been there" -- even if I'm really in a rush and this was the one time when it was really important that I get done quickly. I never say anything when the person behind me goes running to answer the call of "I can help the next person over here."

I guess I just try not to work myself up about stuff like this. I just want to shop with S_Hysmith -- I bet he would smile at me if my son walked in front of his cart.

I know exactly how you feel! As someone who has to spend way too much time away from my child, I would'nt dream of not taking him with me to the grocery store or most anywhere else! (Not sure where I'd leave him if I didn't take him with me anyway). Your attitude is what I love to see. I just cringe when I hear parents say they can't wait to get away from the kids. Some day those kids will likely feel the same way about them. Somehow I don't think that will be your problem.

Keep right on shopping and smiling

As a single parent myself, I have to laugh at my own experiences in this regard. I had a very hyperactive child. I would only take him shopping when my mother couldn't be with him not because I cared about what other shoppers would say or do but because I couldn't take the aggrevation myself. However, when I did take him shopping one of two things would happen. He would behave and we would have a pleasant time or I would carry him out of the store without having finished shopping, sideways, with his waist on my hip and his arms and legs flailing to and fro. Not all children are the same and shopping was not an event that I enjoyed with my child. I did spend a lot of time with him in the evenings, as I never allowed him to play outside without my supervision at the expense of my housework, etc. I was one of those parents that really enjoyed a couple of hours "off" from my child. Now that he's an adult, he still lives at home, is in no hurry to leave and still gets on my nerves from time to time. I don't think any parent should feel guilty about wanting to be "away" from their children.

Consider that the supermarket might be just a rotten place, and that everyone's mood sinks in that environment, no matter the age.

I'm still at the stage where I pass the cracker aisle and shake my head. Look at all that CRAP! I imagine the vegans pass the meat counter with as much scorn.

Food is important, and those of us who know a bit about it get uptight around it for various reasons. It must be a pleasant feeling for those who will eat anything to walk through a store and see only glory.

And it's not only food choices. Put us under fluorescent lights, wedge us into aisles between walls of stuff, lined up just so, with monster carts that we don't have the money to fill, make us do math in order not to be ripped off, surrounded by distressed people who just want to go home and vegetate in front of the television.

Humans have the benefit of being greatly influenced by the moods of other people. Children are especially keen when it comes to picking up on the Mom's Pissed Vibe. What do we expect their response to be in such lame conditions? Sure, we'd like them to quietly bear the burden as we are. We might instead respect their correct assessment and reaction to seeing so much food and not being able to eat it.

I think it's everything lined up in neat little stacks that bugs us. We were built to really, really enjoy and be comforted by diversity. Go look at the tree. Not one leaf the same from one branch to the next. Not one branch the same from one tree to the next. Not one tree the same from one yard to the next. Everything in the natural world is different.

Go look at the meat. Every cut different. Go look at the apples. Every one is that little bit different than the one next to it.

Kraft prides itself on every single box of pasta/cheesewhatever being exactly the same, just like your supermarket likes to set all those boxes in perfect rows and stacks. No wonder we get the feeling that we're buying something unnatural.

And who hasn't had the urge to knock that huge pyramid of Rice-a-roni onto the floor in a chaotic pile?

Yep. People pick up on other people's emotions. Why not try looking at the bright side and let people catch your GOOD mood? It's a pleasant feeling to know you're making good choices and that you can put food in the cart at ALL instead of lining up in a soup kitchen. It's a pleasant feeling to see people smiling and chatting, even if I DO have to say "excuse me " to get past. Smile BACK ...

We all have our dark moods. I even have days where I resent the kids running around because my child CAN'T. What good does it do to obsess on the negative? It's not going to help him walk, but rather let HIM pick up on my rotten mood and the sense that he's not "good enough". Better to focus on the fact it's a miracle he's ALIVE and able to make the progress he does.

I don't mean to get all "deep" since the original post was intended in a light manner. I just get SUCH a negative, hostile vibe from some of the other posts and wonder just what is SO wrong that such strong, negative feelings are stirred up by dealing with other people? You can't control other people, but you CAN change your reaction to them, and improve your OWN mood and perception of things.

I'm guilty of being perturbed by whiny kids and slow old ladies, but I try not to let that bug me. Kids are kids and some people just can't move as quickly as others. However, the two things that really get me at the grocery store:

1. When I go to Super Wal-Mart at midnight just to avoid the crowds, only to find all the aisles blocked by cart-stockers. No reason getting annoyed by this, I know, because they have to stock the carts SOMETIME, but it's rather ironic all the same.

2. In the parking lot, when I'm driving up or down a lane looking for a place to park or trying to get out of there, and a pedestrian is walking smack in the middle of the lane so I'm forced to follow behind at a snail's pace. It would be just as easy for them to walk next to the cars so that moving vehicles could safely get around them! It particularly grates on my nerves when the pedestrian turns around, looks at me, and continues walking directly in the center.

Back to the original men-in-the-store topic, my DH is pretty good about sticking to the list, with the exception of a few expensive treats like LC candy and ice cream that I usually don't buy. However, I've learned NOT to put any toiletry items on the list. He will inevitably come back with the fanciest, most expensive shaving gel in the store when all I wanted was the $.98 cheap stuff!

I think some people have read this thread in the context it was meant, other people assume we are all wishing we had machine guns to clear the isles

I can laugh at myself, and this was my attempt at humerising the situations I get in. I almost always enter a grocery store in a good mood, and not in a rush. BUT I often come out thinking like I must be invisible or something AND often taken back by some peoples rudeness and lack of sensitivity to others. Its not always a male thing!

I ALWAYS take my 2 yr old with me, and often my 7 yr old, its easy, I just take responsibility for them. I watch them, keep them close and guide them away from other shoppers teaching them that they have to think of others and be respectful and sensitive. They don't whine unless I take them overtired or hungry, and if I ever make that mistake I fix that quickly, i.e. I feed them or just get the essentials not a full haul. I don't let my 2 yr old run loose. I get bothered by the parents who DON't take up that responsibility and let the sometimes wild children run up and down whacking people with carts etc etc. I am not bothered by the kids, but more the parents. I will speak to the kids if they show signs of endangering me or someone else.

Its funny though, last time I went (yesterday) there was a group of people 1 woman 2 men, as if that mattered, blocking the exit chatting away while a line up waited for them to finish and get out of the way....LOL all I could think about was this thread,,,,,,so it was good for something, I laughed rather than got impatient with the rudeness of it all! .

Oh yeah, and there are quite a few ladies that write checks and don't even have the check book out by the time the items are rung through....then spend 20mins looking for the darn thing after hearing the price....smart shoppers are ready to rock IMO! I am a swipe and sign person too, great airmiles opportunity and very convenient!

I really never thought others would be offended by my comments, because its an accepted stereotype, at least in my town. But of course there are individuals who shine on both sides. It was kinda like the opposite to 'women drivers' any one heard that before???? AND yeah I am a better driver than my husband, even though he sells the darn things, he actually does the darn speedlimit!!

Hmmm I just thought of a new marketing ploy for the grocery stores,, SINGLE HOUR or Family Day, or Senior Day,,,,or......Ladies night! whooohooo!(and to not be sexist, Mens night too!) I'm so good it scares me!

What an insightful post Caveman.

When I see screaming kids in trolleys I often think I’d be screaming too if I was tempted at every turn by high-carb junk food (placed just so I can reach it) and couldn’t have it.

The good thing about low-carbing is that because I eat whole fresh foods I now prefer to go to a butcher for my meat and a greengrocer or local market for my fruit and veg. Hey I even have conversations with my butcher about where my meat comes from, how it’s raised and the best way to cook it. Now I only get the bare essentials from a supermarket and even then I patronize a small privately owned one rather than the massive chainstores. At least they give me more than two options for every product...........

I try to look at it as everything balancing out...that's why I posted some nice experiences I had had in the grocery store earlier in this thread. In other words, for every dopey chick who goes rummaging for her checkbook at the last second--for every blase teen that strides through the door I hold open without saying "thank you"--for every oblivious person who has parked his cart in the centre of the aisle--there is a person who holds the door open for me, or a 6 year old who says "excuse me" (that takes my breath away! it really does), or a person in front of me at the self-checkout lane who is obviously hurrying because she is worried that I might be impatient. That's why I spoke to the lady in front of me that time--I just hated that she was concerned that I would be impatient. I complimented her helpful daughter, and she (as I said in my initial post) visibly relaxed when she realised I wasn't behind her fuming.

I can be as irritable as anyone else, but we all have so much stress already!

But um...I have been known to be irritated by excessive stupidity (that story about the idiot placing the frames on the scale would have had my eyes bulging), so I ain't preachin'. I guess what I'm saying is, I try to pick my battles. Emphasis on try...

Lucy

Trust me, Lucy... I'm no saint. I just can't stand to go through life snarling when I can find the brighter side. Some days you really have to SQUINT to see it, though. For every jerk who runs my son down, there's someone who goes out of their way to make him happy. I just hate to think that the salesclerk who takes the time to count his change out to him and ask him where he got his fancy purple shoes is causing someone behind us so much STRESS.

No, I don't like to get behind someone who has a last-minute epiphany about life and really NEEDS to go back for one more item, or makes them call for a price check... but as Grandpa used to say...

"In 100 years, is this going to matter?"

I don't know why, but I love grocery shopping. I especially enjoy my jaunt to the Farmer's Market every Saturday morning. LOL, maybe b/c I mostly shop on the outside perimeters of the grocery store, it's much easier than having to navigate the tiny isles.

The only thing that mildly irritates me if I'm in a hurry is when people with substantially more than 8 items go through the 8 items or less checkout. But mostly, I smile at everyone and give people the benefit of the doubt.

Off to get groceries....

Wanda