I still have a large flabby stomach, and I still don't fit in the clothes that I was wearing the last time I weighed this much.
But I was OK with it, knowing that it just takes time. And my clothes covered up my flab, so no one really saw it. Well, until I had to go to the hospital last week...
I had a bug bite abscess on my side, and had to go to the ER. So I had to pull up my shirt to show every doctor and nurse that came in, and show them my flabby stomach - in all it's glory!
Everyone was very professional, no one said anything unkind. But in my head I feel like they are saying - geez, why don't you lose some weight??? What a slob! Maybe if she wasn't so fat she wouldn't have gotten an abscess!
OK, it's just in my head - nobody really said that to me - and I know it's stupid, but... I can't help it!
In the past I have gone to doctors about health issues and been told that the only reason I was sick or in pain was because I was fat. That if I would just lose weight, I wouldn't have these problems. That they would put me on a diet, but they knew I would not stay on it. That I am fat, fat, fat!
This was even after I had lost up to 40 lbs on a previous diet - and it was demoralizing!
So how do you deal with those negative messages in your head - when it's
YOU making you feel bad about yourself?