I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this. But I'm thinking about improving my social skills, preferably through books or videos first and maybe later I'll consider coaching or counseling. I became withdrawn during the years of weight gain and health problems and now that I'm emerging again and renewing some professional goals I realize that it might be good to brush up my social skills in terms of presentation, networking, etc.

Excellent idea! I had the same thing happen to me, and believe it or not I now make my living as a public spokesperson for a corporation.

The way I changed was simple, but doing it was hard. I came to realize that the difference between me and those people who are so great at networking and meeting new people is that I was afraid of people and how they might react to me, which was leading me to avoid saying anything at all. I didn't even know what to do when people greeted me, and wanted it to be over as quickly as possible.

What I figured out was that what matters is *not* letting the fear stop me. I started greeting new people, really listening to what they said, asking about their jobs then finding something good to say about what they said, and looking for any overlap between us. At first it was very hard to do, both saying anything at all as well as finding something to say next. The saying something and finding the follow on is now easier.

I am still afraid, but not as badly as I once was. No one except my husband knows that is the case. People think I am "a natural" at what I do in business social functions and in speaking engagements. Nope, lots of work there. But one of the things I'm finding is that there are a lot of people like me who do this for a living, or enhance their careers through networking. The key is taking a deep breath and doing it.

At first I found that I could only last 15 or 20 minutes at a business function. Now, no problem. And it has spilled into my personal social life. I am much happier for it.

Thanks for sharing your experience, Liz, that's an amazing transformation.

I was a college teacher for 5 years and initially had stage fright, but I found that after a while I was fairly comfortable speaking to large groups (though I always had to prepare ahead of time, I'm not a good "off the cuff" speaker).

But I'm much more anxious in small groups or one on one. I also need to polish up my image in how I dress, grooming details, etc. I've been freelancing for a long time and haven't worked on my professional image, but I know that I'm holding myself back by neglecting these things.

I'm also very self-conscious about the way I look. It's partly weight and partly just not feeling very comfortable in my skin, so I'm going to work on that too.

I've been developing a project and I need to face the fact that I'll actually need to meet with people at some point to present my work and I've got to get it together so I make the best impression. I don't want to sabotage myself anymore. I may actually work with a coach at some point to overcome some of my anxieties.

Have you ever thought of writing a book about how you attained your success? I'd think you could reach a lot of people.

hi Sylvie-
I don't know where you live, but there is a group called "Toastmasters" that is a free group to help people develop public speaking skills while making friends.
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Liz you have really made an all-out transformation. Yes Toastmaster's is an excellent organization to improve your social skills if you can find a chapter in your area. I've always struggled in social situations and find it comforting that you have achieved such success even though it was difficult for you. Thanks for the story...