Sango, how do I reply to Private message?

You know, I am not sure...is there a "reply" button anywhere? If all else fails, you can find one of my posts in this thread and click the "pm" button and just write me that way

There are many eating plans out there.

No matter what plan you choose, many books don't cover the emotional part and I've found this is a big part of success or failure. It is easy to say "to hell with it", when the voices in your head say, "I'm a failure, I'll fail at this plan too as I've failed at everything else" etc. Step away from yourself when you sense these thoughts and distance yourself from them when they occur, take a minute to find the reasonable voice inside yourself. Ask yourself if what you are doing is only filling a hole in yourself that you've denied yourself in other parts of your life be they spiritual, artistic...or whatever. Do you find yourself eating during your RM as if your life depended on it? Like someone has a gun to your head? Then you are not enjoying your food. When we've been through so many diet plans and failures, guilt is a BIG part of eating, even if we are eating "right". It's time to enjoy your food with unabiding love and pleasure, really savor every bite and eat slowly. telling yourself that this is good for you. This is pure pleasure. Take your time and REVEL in it. This gives you a much healthier way to enjoy food and enjoy life. BTW, this applies to every facet of your life!

I have fallen off the horse so many times I lose count. But I am stubborn, I see what I've done wrong and learn from it, before I would succumb to despair. The thing that is helping me most is that during my RM, full attention is brought to it. I don't overeat because I am consciously enjoying it and taking my time. I also eat only foods that I can pronounce and know what they are...if it's in a box or a can, I look at the label. If it's got something that doesn't show up on my spell checker it gets chucked!

I also don't stare at a computer or watch TV when I eat my meal, when I am faced with restlessness or an emotional issue, I am kind to myself...I don't sit on the couch and let those thoughts back me into a "futility" corner, I take my body for a walk, or read a loved book while listening to music...or I go to my studio and paint.(and I don't do this as often as I should!) Friends are there to call up and lean on, especially the ones who are there to help you, you know the ones that will sabotage you...leave them alone!

Do not feel bad for venting on this board, after all...what else is it for!!!?? Vent away!

I will get off the soap box now!

Steve

Sango.

I put myself through 5 years of college working as a waiter at a top notch restaurant in New York. This restaurant specialized in exotic fish, veal, kobe beef, etc...We had our wine tastings, etc... and the servers were encouraged to sample certain foods in order to be able to describe them better to customers. During the 5 years that I worked at this restaurant I was vegan, which meant I wouldn't eat any animal products whatsoever (meat, dairy, etc..). So when it came to new foods that I wasn't familiar with, I simply asked the other servers how they would desribe certain dishes and then when it came time to present specials/or answers questions from customers, I would simply describe the meal as it was described to me. Presenting to customers is only a bunch of words and sort of a sales pitch anyway...like giving a speech. I never had any problems and was always given priority in terms of schedules because I was a good waiter, not because I sampled such and such foods. So, if being a server is what you like, you can certainly work around some of these aspects.

As to how a vegan managed to sell veal...well...that's another story all together.

Apropos of the "all-or-nothing thinking" discussion, I thought I'd post this here. It's a bit long, but well worth reading, and comes from the terrific Skinny Daily Post site. If you haven't been there, go: daily, or near-daily, essays from somebody who lost more than 100 lbs and has kept it off for a couple of years.

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All or Nothing Brain
The dangers of black-and-white thinking


I'm keenly aware that I've had a bad week. I haven't worked out even once. My regular classes were either rescheduled or I couldn't make them. My diet has been all off track. Memories of weeks when I've been very good seem distant to me right now. I'm working hard, I'm discombobulated. There are stacks of laundry, stacks of bills. Even the desktop on my computer is a jumble of unfiled files, and I'm way behind on emails.

I have no food in my house for a decent dinner, no desire to shop.

Basically, I'm out of control.

Now, this is the perfect setup for a pig-out. This is the time when normally I would call my dear husband, have him meet me somewhere for dinner where the first course is deep fried and the last course covered in a butterscotch syrup. Or chocolate. Or both.

I would basically bury my head in some setting far from home or work and anesthetize myself with carbs of no nutritional value. If I had taken up drinking when I was younger, I'd have used a bottle. But I didn't. I took up eating.

This is also the perfect setup for giving up completely. "See?" I would have told my old self. "You are destined for fatness. Stop pretending to be a healthy, skinny person! Quit faking it!"

This is all-or-nothing brain, deciding if I'm not perfect in my diet, I may as well give up. If I can't be Gwyneth-thin, why bother eating all these veggies? If I can't work out every day or every week, why work out at all? Why have that gym membership if I can't be consistent about it? Why buy those sneakers if I'm not going to run every day? Why get all worked up about writing down calories or points or exercise goals if I don't remember to do it always and forever?

The University of Oxford Department of Psychiatry conducted one of the very rare studies of people who have lost a significant amount of weight and published the results in the International Journal of Obesity back in August. The researchers were trying to understand who maintains and who regains weight. They interviewed women who had lost a bunch of weight and found a number of psychological factors - ways of thinking - common among the regainers. Specifically:

*failure to achieve weight goals and dissatisfaction with the weight achieved
*the tendency to evaluate self-worth in terms of weight and shape
*a lack of vigilance with regard to weight control
*a dichotomous (black-and-white) thinking style
*the tendency to use eating to regulate mood

Oh.

Well, okay. I've got some work to do. But it's the black-and-white thinking that really fascinates me. Now, I'm not inclined toward a black-or-white view of the world generally. Very much attracted to grey matter. But when it's time to flog myself for my dieting and exercise behavior, it's easy for me to go there, hard for me to cope with my own transgressions, easy to berate myself, easy to lose hope for building better habits.

I have to work hard, when having weeks like this past one, not to let it mean more than it means. A bad week is just a bad week. That's all it is. We all have them. It doesn't ruin anything. It doesn't mean anything. Next week can and should and will be better. I need to remember that I have no deadline for getting healthier. I'm constantly working on it, moving in the direction of better health, every day that I suck air.

I'll have bad weeks. I'll have the flu. I'll have difficult weeks at work. I'll have hardships at home. Things will happen, the stress will get to me. But I don't need to slather food on the pain of it, and follow that up with a heaping of futility pie. I'm not good or bad, on program or off, healthy or unhealthy. Nothing I eat today will "ruin" all my good work this day nor my best intentions. No single workout or string of missed classes will transform me into a blubber ball.

There. Well. That feels better.

Thanks for the article on all or nothing thinking...or black and white thinking. It's definitely a fault of mine in more than one area of my life, but most noticeably in the area of weight and exercise and diet. This was a really informative read, and gave me a lot to think about.

As for not tasting the food, I could probably get away with that...but it would be hard to get out of the wine tasting. We'll see...maybe I can spit it out, or maybe I can just not worry about it since it only happens about every three months or so.

Thanks again for the advice everyone

Sango,

I am a few days behind in this forum. Having read your original post I wanted to tell you to SNAP OUT OF IT. Picture Cher slapping Nicholas Cage's face...

I'm glad to see you already have snapped out of it. Nobody on this forum is a BIG FAT FAILURE as you called yourself. We are all struggling towards success and I truly believe that you and me and everyone else here, will reach our goals one day, even though we will have bad days and setbacks along the way. However, we do have to take responsibility for the food we put in our mouth, and not allow one bad day to give us an excuse to continue eating off plan.

You said in your original post:

"It's a little late now to claim to have a blood sugar imbalance, since I was working there more than a month before I started Atkins and ate normally in sight of everyone. "

No, it is not too late.

You don't have to lie and tell people that you have diabetes, but you can certainly tell them that you have recently found out that you have hyperinsulinemia and that you have recently chosen to change your way of eating in order to prevent diabetes, heart disease, gum disease, and the other illnesses that hyperinsulinemia can lead to.

I'd just like to add that there is a pervasive tendency in all of us to think "Well, I've blown the day, I'll eat whatever I want and start out fresh tomorrow."
But a better way of thinking of it is like a bank account. If I spend more than I expected on a purchase, do I then say, "Heck, I might as well max out the credit cards and overdraw the bank account too."
Of course we don't. Because we know we'll have to pay it back.
The next time you "slip," think of it as a larger expenditure than you'd planned, and that you aren't going to spend anymore today.
Because, ya know, you do have to pay it back.

Ooh, the bank account analogy is a good one...

Down another pound today!! ^_^

Sango that is really awesome!!!!! How many pounds have you lost?

Well, 3 pounds, sort of. But some of that was water weight from the two days between Atkins and CAD. It's not all fat, but I'm still really glad to see it go!

LOL that is funny. I have lost too and I know it might just be water but I am so excited!! I figure once the initial water goes then come the fat loss. Plus even water weight makes you look thinner. Congrats!!!!!!!!

I can't think of any reason why you couldn't say to your boss in a quiet moment, that you have just found out that you have blood sugar issues (or whatever you feel comfortable saying) and that because of it, you won't be able to eat or drink things at times other than your scheduled meals, and even then you have to have a special diet. I mean..they wouldn't expect someone with diabetes to do this, would they? Tell him that you will attend, and listen carefully to the opinions of the others so that you are well versed and can pass that info on to the customers. If they expect you to do something that is bad for your health... well, I would be thinking about a career change.

I hope you are doing well, Sango.

"When it you realize how long it takes you to succeed, it's not worth wasting time failing."

from one of the Weight Watchers at my meeting last night