I need to vent about something that's been bugging me: social type situations which make it very difficult for you to stay true to constructive eating habits.

It really isn't about food for me (anymore). At all. I have almost completely divorced myself from foods and emotions. Food holds no emotional appeal to me anymore... I have no real desire to ruin my health with it as I no longer gain the emotional satisfaction of indulging in it.

My problem is not with food, but it is food-related. My problem is with people and social eating. Pressure from others in my environment to "join the fun" and to "stop being so weird with food" is so overwhelming for me that I don' t know how to resist or what to do. I'm constantly being made to feel obsessive & eating disordered for still being "on a diet" even though I'm not very heavy anymore... by my mother and sister especially. They just don't understand that the diet never ends, and that I need to watch my food intake forever.

Let me give an example of the kinds of situations I'm talking about. One of my sisters favorite things to do is spend a day "vegging out"... to rent a movie and get some greasy, sugary, starchy, high carb, high calorie take out (usually chinese, my former weakness ). Now, my sister is naturally normal weight, and she basically eats whatever she wants to stay that way (within reason - she DOES avoid caloric sugar drinks). She eats junk food, pure sugar candies, and starchy food all day. She doesn't understand why I can't do the same too and also be thin. She doesn't believe that carbs do affect me badly in a very physically real way. She doesn't understand that I can't just pig out with her on a whim like that, that it starts a cycle which among other things promotes weight gain.

Because she doesn't understand why I need to be the way I am with food, she (and just about everyone else) thinks my behavior is abnormal and excessive. That I refuse to have "just this once" pig out sessions, that I like to keep track of my calories/portions by using food scales... things like that. She makes me feel like an obsessive freak for not eating with and like her.



Today we went for a movie, and she went for her food. Most of the time when it comes to chinese I'll opt out (for a few reasons, but mainly because a) when I'm with her I feel like I have to clean my plate, and b) the portions are so huge at chinese food that I KNOW I'll feel pressure to over eat.) but this time I relented, gave in to the pressure and ordered. I was extremely hungry when I ordered (as I had not eaten all day), so I figured I could "eat like her" and it wouldn't be a problem.

Even though I stayed on plan in that the food was low carb (I purchased bbq spare rib tips, no sauce, witha side of broccoli & garlic sauce, no sugar or starch...extremely high calorie, but very LC friendly), I felt TREMENDOUS pressure to over eat with with her. I overestimated my hunger and underestimated the food (note to self: don't get fatty ribs!).
Since LC foods are very high fat/protein, it takes a small amount of food to fill me up. So not only do I not want to eat the whole thing, but it is almost physically impossible for me to do this.

The problem is she treats me like I have an eating disorder for not eating everything I ordered. She scarfs down her entire serving of noodles and rice in one sitting, I'm barely making a dent in my ribs. It looks bad... here I say "sure I'll eat with you!", but then I go and eat only a small portion of some broccoli and ribs?

Even though I'll try complaining about how uncomfortable I feel (I've eaten passed satiety at this point), and tell her that I am so stuffed I can't take another bite, she'll treat me like I'm lying (to cover an ED). She doesn't believe that I really am very full. She'll also usually make a sarcastic comment like "well why don't you just throw it up then" (implying ED).
I know she's only joking and she doesn't mean any harm, but it really messes with my mind. I start to doubt myself... maybe I AM being obsessive? Maybe my eating is disordered? Maybe I'm convincing myself I feel full to avoid eating?

All these thoughts of self-doubt run through my head. Then, of course, I go out of my way to prove it's not true - not only to her but to myself. I wind up forcing myself to over eat to ridiculous lengths. WHere does this all lead? Here I sit with a stomach so full (still!) that I'm literally in pain. I do wish I could vomit, not to get rid of the food/calories, but to get rid of the fullness pain .

I wish I could just be confident enough in myself to resist the environmental pressure. Consciously I know there is *nothing* wrong with wanting to eat healthy, and there is nothing wrong with the way I eat. So why does it still cause me to undermine my goals (health & thinness) just to be good with everyone else?

Furthermore, why am I made to feel like a freak for doing something *good* for myself? I get treated like I have an ED, or like I'm "sickly skinny" (I wish... since when is a size 8 too skinny!). My sister tells me how my back and shoulders I feel like a starving bony animal (she's insane). My mom tells me that I'm "obsessed" for only using 1 slice of bread for a sandwich (slicing it lengthwise) instead of 2. I'm just so sick of everyone's crap I could scream.

What kind of person tells someone who used to be 300 lbs that they need to "eat normally"? Why would they tell someone who obviously isn't underweight that they look "sick" and are eating disordered? Why would they do this to me? It's almost like they make themselves feel better by messing with my head and self confidence. I feel like they don't really care about me at all. Sorry for rambling, but I just hate this. I hate feeling this way about everything - the environmental pressure, the over-fullness, and the lack of knowing what to do.

Wow. I can relate almost everything you just said. People think that once you are down to your goal weight, you can (and should) start eating "normally" again, ie. how you used to. But what they DON'T understand is that I am not still watching what I eat in order to lose more weight, I am doing it so that I don't GAIN any weight back... which is the point of a diet! I refuse to be one of those people who lost weight, went back to their old style of eating, then gained it all back and then some. People don't understand this concept. Friends and family tell me.. ok so you lost weight, so NOW its ok to eat bread and stuff again! go on now, eat this sandwich! you need to eat it!...

My boyfriend is constantly telling me that stop watching what I eat. That I should start eating carbs again. That I have lost what I wanted to, so now I should start eating like I used to. No no no no no.

I also FULLY agree with what you said about people thinking you have an ED, and sometimes wondering if I do myself. I mean, I know that I am not anorexic or bulimic by any means, but maybe I do have a disordered way of eating. The other day I stumbled upon the concept of orthorexia. It's kindve like being obsessed with eating only certain, healthy foods. It really made me think. But on the other hand, is this really a bad thing? Is it a DIS-order, or is it a virtue? I mean isn't it good to be actively involved in your health? Its definatly better than eating crap foods and being overweight.

I could go on forever on all this. I feel like I'm riding in the exact same boat with you. But I have to go to sleep now. I'll endulge you with some more of my feelings on this subject later

Hi,
I'm not anywhere near maintenance levels, so I hope ya'll don't mind me posting here. Itsthewoo, have you told your family how what they say and how they treat you makes you feel? Maybe they don't realize how insensitive they are being. Sometimes people have to be clued in to how their actions are effecting others. Have you explained to them how maintenance works on low carb? Ignorance of low carb might be the problem. Several years ago, I was thin and had to work hard at eating low fat to stay that way. People would make comments on how I should lighten up and eat more like those around me. Some people just don't understand how big of a change has to be made in reguards to weight loss and keeping it off. The kinds of foods different bodies can handle varies, and I don't think people understand that either. When it comes to people making comments about other's eating habits (if not out of concern for an eating disorder), seems to be a control issue to me. If it's not a matter of concern about someone's health, why does it matter what someone puts into their body if they are healthy? It's a personal choice...let them worry about their own eating habits..not someone else's. You deserve support and understanding. Don't let people make you feel badly about caring about your body. Sometimes you have to stand up to people to let them know you won't let them treat you a certain way. (Talking about if your family doesn't want to understand, here.)

In reguards to eating disorders, that's an area I closely watch myself on because I've had one in the past (is it ever in the past? lol). For myself, I try not to be too rigid in my thinking about food. What I mean is that if I'm somewhere special where I really want a non-LC food, I let myself eat it. (I don't let it become a very frequent thing here.) I know if I become too strict on myself that I'll fall into old habits of either eating very little or getting rid of it. <It's pretty easy for me to slip into that mindset where you get that rush of power from restricting what goes into your body...and then it just starts snowballing for me. Food (or lack of it) becomes an obsession at that point.> To be healthy, it's about balance for me and keeping my attitude, in reguards to food, a healthy one. How you feel about food (whether you are obsessing about it, etc.) is probably a good way to determine whether you might have an eating disorder.

Hope my ramble has helped..hehe

ItstheWoo, I am so sorry you are dealing with this constant questioning of your eating choices. It seems like almost everyone has relatives or close friends who hinder one's progress out of ignorance, but in your case it sounds like open hostility.

Not knowing your mother and sister I have no idea why they treat you this way, but a few guesses come to mind:

Are they jealous of your accomplishment? Even if they don't struggle with weight issues, maybe they feel like your achievement shows an drive to succeed that they don't have.

Are they threatened by the "new you"? Maybe they got used to dealing with you in a certain way as an overweight person. And maybe you're more confident and independent now and they don't know how to deal with that. You might have filled a role in the family that they expect you to keep filling.

Are they genuinely concerned that you might have an eating disorder? If so, haranguing you is the worst possible thing they could do, but people often react badly out of fear.

Are they upset about something else and attacking your food habits as a safe way to show anger without addressing the real problem?

My last guess is rather shallow, but is it possible that they're just tired of dealing with the logistic issues created by your eating choices, and want everything to go back to "normal"?

As for what to do, I have to agree with Zymi. It sounds like you are going to have to talk to them. For the sake of family harmony you probably want to do this as nonconfrontationally as possible. Do you think you can explain to them that while your sister is blessed with a good metabolism, for you healthy eating is not something you just stop doing once you reach your goal. I like the analogy of a car: if you bought an old clunker, and spent a lot of money and effort restoring it to peak condition, would you then stop all maintenance and neglect the car until it broke down again? No, you'd do everything you could to make sure it stayed in good shape.

Also I think you have to meet this eating disorder accusation head on. Can you explain to them what an eating disorder really is and how it differs from you (for instance, you don't have disordered behaviors & attitudes like complicated rules surrounding eating, fear of food, thinking about food all the time, unreasonably low weight goals, seeing yourself as fat when you're really not).

The ironic thing is that their behavior seems designed to make you hide your eating habits from them. Which could help steer you towards an actual eating disorder, if you had any inclination in that direction.

I think the first attempt should be to make them understand that all you want is to stay fit and healthy, and that their hostility is sabotaging you. If that doesn't work, Plan B is to get them to just shut up about it. By which I mean, tell them their comments are wrong and hurtful, and you aren't going to listen anymore. Then back it up by refusing to engage (i.e. walking away) if food becomes a topic of conversation and limiting your contact with them at mealtimes. That sounds harsh, but you can't subject yourself to that kind of haranguing indefinitely.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes.

Hey Woo,

You'd never believe how completely I empathize with what you're going through, and how my situation at the office mirrors your own.

I'm not really sure how to handle the conflicts either. On the one hand, I have become so accustomed to eating LC that any other "way" simply isn't an alternative any longer--nor is it ever a temptation now. On the other hand, this I never imagined would occur, I've no wish to be accused of having an ED, which I have been astonishingly enough. It's frustrating to me how people can have this insanely wrong perception. For instance, usual office fare is quite high in both fats and carbs. Naturally, I forgo them instead waiting until I can have an LC meal. During the past several months, I've noticed whispers around the office regarding my eating habits. Just the other day, when I politely refused to lunch at McD's, a colleague remarked smugly, "oh right, you're on the supermodel diet." Or, "do you ever eat?" Or, "don't invite Frederick, he won't eat lest he loses the girly-man figure." The more I refuse to bend, the worse these ED innuendos are showered about the office. What is truly irritating and frustrating for me is that perception becomes reality. Inevitably, there are certain times, just like yourself, in an effort to dispel the ED fallacy and hoping to ease the rising ostracizing of my refusal to join the feasting festivities, I've intentionally pigged out on the high refined carbs so loved by my colleagues and seemingly dominate every office gathering. Like yourself, I regret it afterwards with a very uncomfortable bloating feeling of not only having eaten to excess, but having to endur painful aftermath of carb overload. I can only imagine what the shock it must have been to my body having fully adjusted to LCing these past couple of years.

My colleagues haven't the slightest clue on my personal choice to abstain from highly refined carbs which is the mainstay of office lunches and dinners. Why can't they understand that loading up on carbs makes me queasy now? Why can't they appreciate that high carb meals have my abdomen feeling unnaturally bloated? Or, why can't they simply see the obvious that eating too much sugar inexoriably deteroriates our health?

They're never around to see my dinner of steak, spinach with cheese, and strawberries. Just because I eschew the bread and potatoe, I'm on verge of a full scale ED? You know, the dilemma is further exascerbated by two factors. One, I haven't the slightest wish nor inclination to explain my eating choices to my colleagues, nor anyone else for that matter--only that I have the utmost conviction the eating regimen I've chosen is ideally suited and most beneficial to my physical well being in terms of both health and fitness. And secondly, my indifference to acknowledge their concerns--legitimate or otherwise--further reinforces the notion of my increasing obsession over eating. Given that I've been eating this way for the better part of 2 years, both factors have gone past the proverbial "point of no return".

I'm not sure what the solution entails, nor have I any idea how to purge the perceived notion that we're ED afflicted. Not much help, am I? LOL

You can try to genuine express your feelings and reasons why you eat the way that you do. I made every effort to do so in the beginning with those close to me; but, to no avail since my reasons always fell upon deaf ears. People just don't seem to understand or appreciate the efficacy of eating low carb the way that we have come to embrace. They aren't privy to our journey and the sometimes seemingly magical effects eating low carb have bestowed upon each of us.

How does one explain a thing which can only be experienced?

Warmest regards,

Frederick

I know exactly what you're saying! My brother and dad call me "bony" and tell me a taste of this and that won't hurt me. They have no idea what it's like to spend most of one's life being fat and then finally getting thin; I don't want a taste! I've worked hard to get where I am and I don't want to lose it. Is that obsessive? Hardly, in my mind

The same question came up on an exercise forum I read and someone from Japan posted this:

"In Japan, people would just smile and nod their head.
Translation for Western people: I respect that you have an opinion but I could not care less.
Try it out. It works surprisingly well."

I wonder if that would work? Probably hard to do with people who have been successfully pushing your buttons for awhile, but think about how it would drive them crazy, if their catty remarks provoked nothing but a smile and nod. You'd be getting their goat instead of them getting yours!

I had this the other day - went to visit my FIL in the hospital and got roped into a trip a pizza parlor while we were waiting for him to be transferred. I held my ground (the pizza didn't even look very appetizing) but they kept harping on me like I had an ED.. I had already eaten dinner and didn't want any, but that makes me a martian ?

My hubby says I am stubborn,so that helps!

I get comments like, "How much more weight do you want to lose?" My response, "None" Then they say, "Well, why are you still on Atkins?"

I hate the perception that once you have reached your goal weight, you should stop "dieting" and go back to "eating normally." Why would I ever want to go back to eating the way that made me so fat in the first place?

Yet people act like there's something wrong with us because we are healthy and continue to watch what we eat. Like, duh. That's why we're healthy!

I was thinking about the comments in this thread about wondering whether one is displaying disordered eating behaviors without realizing it. I took the Eating Attitudes Test which I hear is a common diagnostic for potential eating disorders. To my surprise, I scored pretty high -- not high enough that they would recommend I get treatment, but higher than I had expected. Reading over the questions, I think anyone who follows an eating plan would score pretty high on that test.

You know, I think the problem is I have such a thin skin. I always have been extremely sensitive to others in my environment, I've always let their feelings and judgments of me determine the way I feel about myself. I just need to learn to deal with disapproval. I need to accept the fact that I am going to do things in life and be a certain way, sooner or later, that someone somewhere is going to have a problem with. I just can't deal with that prospect... of being thought poorly of in any way. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned from this that extends beyond weight management.

Sarah, I scored even higher than you on the test . I agree with you; I don't think that diagnostic is relevant for someone who has a history of weight problems, carbohydrate sensitivity, and is currently managing them.

For example, the question:
"Am terrified about being overweight"
Might imply eating disorder for someone who has no history of weight problems personally. For someone like me with a HW of almost 300 lbs, being "terrified of being overweight" is a very real valid fear. "Overweight" for me isn't 30 pounds. It's a debilitating, life altering amount of overweight.

Or the question:
"Particularly avoid food with a high carbohydrate content (bread, rice, potatoes, etc.)"
Might not make sense for a 110 lb teenage girl who has no reason to feel she has carbohydrate issues... but for me, someone with a history of reactive hypoglycemia, PCOS, and obesity, it is medically warranted.

Maybe they think anyone who thinks about their weight, food, and structures their meals has an eating disorder, irregardless of whether or not they ever were genuinely overweight. That's just silly in my mind. Perhaps in an ideal world people shouldn't care how much they weigh, and should never think about food or fat, but this isn't an ideal world. It's a world where what you look like and how much you weigh strongly influence people's perceptions of you and your opportunities. It's a world where being morbidly obese shortens your lifespan. If a few people think I am sick in the head because I consciously choose not to be 280 lbs by changing my behavior with food... oh well. Like I said, I just need to deal with that and learn not to care.

Can I chime in here? When I read the first post I wanted to reply right away, but then I read down to Sarah's post and found that she'd said it all. Wise girl, that Sarah.

We "compulsive dieters" choose not to eat empty, unhealthy carbs. We eat protein, whole grains, vegetables, and fruits. We feel better and look better than we have in years.

Others choose to stuff themselves with processsed junk. They make themselves fat and unhappy.

So tell me...who has the eating disorder?

Isa

I can certainly understand how annoying this behavior is, but at the same time, you MUST NOT let it annoy you, because that is its purpose.

Once or twice, sure. But a continued nagging to make someone do something they don't want to do? Well, if one adult does it to another, it is harassment.

Besides which...going along doesn't stop the teasing, does it? So why do it?

After all, they are not around when we are struggling to deal with our attempts to take control of our health. Put it into perspective.

If you don't like them, I'd suggest a laugh and say "Oh, you're just jealous."

Well...maybe even if you do. After all, Lincoln said you can't please all the people all of the time. And it's foolish to even try.

Okay, Woo - here's what you do:

Go and take off all your clothes and stand in front of a mirror. Make sure the light is flattering - you want a GOOD picture in your mind.

Next time you run into this kind of thing (and you will, poisonous people are EVERYWHERE), flash back to how you look naked now that you don't weigh 300 pounds.



They don't matter at all. Don't let them.

Woo,

I have not read all the posts here, mainly cause its getting late for me (I have to get up at 5 for work), but I just wanted to say, if you base everything on what other ppl think your gonna end up with chronic depression or some otehr un fun disorder. You seem like a very nice person, and you have had AWSOME success with Atkins. You have succeded where countless numbers of ppl have failed. Your a walking, breathing, living success story. Ppl make comericals out of ppl like you! That is where your focus needs to be.

My mom badgers me about, well everything, and I just feed her back the lines she gave me as a kid... such as

"You told me when I have my own house, I could eat the way I wanted to, so I am"

"You said when I grow up andhave my own famliy, then I can make the rules, so guess what? I am."

Etc. Yes they are a bit umm agressive, but they work.

I think you mention in a dif post your "quasi-daibetic" ? One easy way out is to tell ppl "I have to eat this way becuase I am diabetic". Some might call that a cop out, but if you want to get ppl of your back it may work well.

But in all honesty you need to start focusing more on how succesfull you are, and how your an inspriation to countless numbers of ppl that want to be like you!