Over memorial day weekend we will be visiting with my MIL, (several states away) and I am concerned. It isn't really something we can back out of either.. my FIL passed away last year and this is the first time everyone can get together to take care of his ashes. Even if we could put this off, we will eventually be facing this problem.

I should probably explain a bit.. My MIL has a big house and is queen of her castle! DH & I along with our toddler always stay downstairs (we like the privacy), and DH's brother, SIL and 20 yr old niece stay in two rooms upstairs. My MIL is in her 70's and we have never really got along.. because of my weight. She has a *serious* fat phobia! And she is *constantly* telling me how, where, and why, to lose weight, all in the name of "caring" about us. She seems to think we must eat *tons* of horrible food.. and doesn't believe when we tell her otherwise. She is constantly sending me stuff from several very conservative medical newsletters about how to lose weight and cut fat from your diet. She cooks very lowfat (and horrible tasting) meals.. and fancies herself an amateur dietition. I think she believes that if I lose weight it will cause her son to lose as well.. and I believe she blames me for his recent diagnosis of diabetes. Dh has tried standing up to her several times, but she does the ol "But I just care about Susan's and your health". She probably does.. but she is sooo annoying! When I have lost 50+ lbs on other diets she has just said "well that's nice, but you have a long way to go." I think she picks more on me about it because she doesn't want a full blown blow up with her son. She got *really* upset when DH told her he ate a 10 oz steak for his birthday and has brought up how *bad* that was over and over again. I could go on and on but you probably understand the type. Yes, we could be more forceful and nasty.. but she is an old woman who has now lost her husband and she *adores* our son. I am terrible at confrontations, and my DH.. well, he is a wonderful husband, but not very forceful... actually he avoids very well.

Now back to the question... we have told her we are on a diet for DH's diabetes and she is *THRILLED*!! She says that maybe this has caused us to wake up.. well, in a way she is right, but I don't think this is the diet she has in mind! I personally think she is going to *freak out*! Well, that is upsetting but the real problem is how are we going to eat! MIL is queen of her kitchen, no one even helps to wash the dishes.. much less cooks there. She is also *very* much against eating out.. so all meals will probably be at the house. To even further complicate matters, we will be there with the entire family, including my niece who is a vegetarian (and no MIL doesn't really cook special for her either.. just more side veggies).

I know she is going to assume we will be on a lowfat, high carb diet.. I have asked DH to tell her more and recommend a book for her to read about the diet (any suggestions on the best one)? But I really don't know how we are going to deal if she totally disagrees and/or won't let us cook separate meals!

Any suggestions welcome.

You poor thing!! (Hey, we have the same birthday)
I know just how you feel. My judgemental MIL knows everything, and just out of principle, disagrees with everything I say. ("I do not!"--lol) My husband recently had knee surgery, so I was stuck spending an afternoon with her at a hospital an hour away. I wasn't going to mention anything until I looked like I lost weight, but she offered to buy lunch or ice cream, so I felt I should say something. (I gained 70 pounds since I married her son almost 10 years ago--I'd never been over 150 or so unless I was pregnant--2nd marriage, 2 kids from previous, I have a big mouth--tons of black marks against me!!)

I told her I gave up sugar a couple of months before. (That got me a sincere "good for you". ) I elaborated some, and said I gave up junk food. ("that's WONDERFUL") I told her how great I feel, that I have tons of energy...that I an eating only healthy foods, that I refuse to put anything REFINED into my body. I even mentioned refined flour, specifically. By the time I was done, she was practically cheering for me. I had just watched her eat a roll with her caesar salad, and she even made some feeble comment about how she knew that whole wheat would have been better.

But I never said "Atkins" or "low carb". She's way too conservative in her thinking to handle that. If I did, she would have responded with the usual "oh, Patty", with all the disgust she could muster!! (If I had a nickel for every time....lol)

BUT--she also hasn't SEEN me eat, and all that I can put away. And it sounds like your MIL will be watching you like a hawk. I think there is a low carb book about 'the diabetic' diet, or something like that, that you could mention. Or just tell her the doctor SAID to do this. (Mine approves) Or, just expect to have to grit your teeth and endure her AMA rhetoric, and eat what you want. (Bring a BIG roast...and eat pork rinds in front of the SIL...)

My dh can't stand up to his mother, either, so it makes it twice as hard. I'd say be armed with all the information you can, and stand your ground. And when you are saying good bye, tell her to "eat $xxt and bark at the moon!!"

Good luck--and keep us posted!!

Patty

There is a joke in our house that I refer to my MIL as the "Excocet missile" when she comes to visit.......

Your know it's coming but can do d**all about it!"


Your general problem is Universal. But some suggestions

1. Don't even try to explain the LC theory it's just not worth the effort.
2. Use Diabetes and low sugar as a way in... talk about low sugar everything and how you have given up cakes, cookies, chocolate etec.etc.
3. Talk calories instead of carbs.
4. Major on vegetables and salads as what you like to eat. Remember you are not keen on the root vegetables because theyare higher in "sugar". If it is above ground you will eat it.
5. Fruit also, strawberries, blackberries,raspberries all berries you love they are lower in sugar. But you don't have jams as the have added sugar.
6. Decline breakfast cereal as it just doesn't taste so good without sugar.
7. Take a comfort pack of snacks in a coolbag. Leave it in the car if necessary.
8. Leave stuff on the plate.
9. Be prepared to be a little hungry but remember your comfort pack.
10.Get MIL to come up with the notion that fresh food is more nutitious than processed. Then agree wholehaeartedly. Let her choose the protein. Do not worry if it is low fat, let it go for the weeekend.
11. Ask whether she has read about the benefits of oily fish. Agree that fried battered fish does not help diets.
12. Agree, agree on everything that you can, junk food is awfull etc. etc.
13. Have you taken medical opinion? Yes you have..Dr. Eades.
14. Drink water instead of fruit juice. Dont say why just do it. Try Tea and coffee black instead of adding the skimmed milk on offer, it's not that bad.


If none of this works ...You have no alternative...

SHOOT HER

I know exactly how you feel -- my husband has an aunt that is the exact same way. She is also about 70 and so stubborn and set in her ways. She always talks about how she never weighed over 100 lbs until after she had her son.. blah blah blah blah.

She is my husband's only living relative now besides his sister, and we actually have avoided seeing her for an entire year because of this. We have no idea how we will handle the situation. I'm thinking maybe I'll just live off grilled chicken and salad for a few days and she'll think that's good. I'll tell her we're on a special diet prescribed by the dr (Dr. Atkins in my case! lol) and bring my own salad dressing. If I put my ranch or whatever in a pint jar she'll probably think its something I made up special. Oil and vinegar would probably work too. Everyone knows that olive oil is good for you now, so I don't see an argument there. I might make some flaxseed muffins ahead of time and bring them for breakfast -- they look like those whole wheat/bran kind anyway. Maybe I can sneak in some some cheese and nuts and stuff and hide them in the suitcase so we can have a few bites occasionally on the sly. hehehe

We've both lost a large amount of weight since we've seen her last (lost 80 lbs before starting Atkins), so maybe she'll leave us alone. I'm thinking that if we get desperate, we can always go out saying we're visiting some of his old friends (that she cant stand) and go get us a steak. What can she really do?

I'm sorry for your dilemma, but I appreciate you trying to be kind to your MIL. If you really want a book suggestion try Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution. It's a low carb approach to controlling blood sugar and it's a great read by a doctor that has struggled with a lifetime of diabetes. Even if she doesn't read it, seeing a book by a doctor with that title should relieve her fears that you are not taking your husbands health seriously. I second the notion of simply putting everything into "sugar" issues. No processed foods, only LOW GLYCEMIC FOODS for complex carbs to prevent rapid blood sugar rise. I also suggest you pack food. Cans of pull top tuna, beef jerky, those little cow cheese in individual wax wrapping. Anything that doesn't need refrigeration. Try eating something before you reach the dinner table so you won't be starving. Good luck and tell us how it goes!

i never tell people im on a diet i tell them due to health reasons i can only eat certain things that seems to work they dont want to make your illness worse.if they ask whats wrong just say nothing serious but just cant eat certain foods and explain no further.or maybe make your own recipe as a surprise you dont have to impress her anymore you have her son lol

Can you stay at a hotel?

If not... I'd do what I rarely ever do. Bring LOTS of low-carb meal replacement bars and shakes and live on them.

Okay I cant relate on the MIL issue, as mine is super, I live 9 hours from my mom and my MIL is just like a second mom to me. Mind you when I first married my DH I had to remind her I was the wife and not her, since then we are best of friends. We have lunch together at least once a week, she calls or emails me every day. Anyway on to the situation at hand. My husbands stepmother told me I was going to kill myself with this diet, and I said well I would rather do that than die of obesity or something related to that. I told her this diet may not be for everyone, but for me it works. I had blood work done for an insurance exam and it came back so good I got the elite rate, so I made sure to take it over and show her. She said she thought that was wrong with the way I eat. I have learned to really ignore things people say, I always say, " It works for me and I will continue to do it." They dont say much after that. My parents are big supporters of it, as my mom has lost 60 pounds on this WOL, and my dad is diabetic so my mom has him on her own little version of it for him and he is doing super. My Darling MIL tries it, but cant stick to it, she says she hasnt the willpower. My only negative person is the stepmom, and I just deal with her on a need to basis. She is going to love me when she eats dinner at my house for Father's Day and I sneak in all the protein things on her without her suspecting.

Relatives are though. I'm still angry about things that were said 30 years ago. I was not fat at 130lbs and the harpy that said it is still bitchin.
I am missing family time because I can't see myself in that family conversation again.

I'm fortunate I guess in that my GF's parents are extremely supportive (they'd been bugging me for years about her weight) and delighted that we are doing ANYTHING to get her to loose. (she had a start weight of 396, has lost 18lbs in 4 wks ) of course they don't know WHY she decided it was time to loose (we're afraid they'll try to talk her out of attempting the kid thing with me) In fact I haven't really encountered anyone that isn't supportive, though many don't understand the LC WOL.

Over on Low Carb Pavilion, I found a nice reasonably short generic description of what LC diets are based on, what foods are and aren't OK, etc. It wasn't specific to any standard plan (I think it was that sites own plan) but I think it would serve all but the Paleo types reasonably well, and can be tailored to fit any particular plan and where one is at on it. I swiped the text (with credit) and stuck it in an e-mail that I send to anyone I think might be worth telling.

OTOH, what I'm not so sure about is how to reconcile the diets when we eat meals like Thanksgiving / Xmas, etc. with the GF's parents. They are on the fairly traditional 'cholesterol limiting' low fat / high carb diet (which does work for them, they keep within their limits) and I'm not sure how to mix that with the LC / high fat diet that we are on.

My guess is that the turkey w/o stuffing is OK, and we can bring some LC deserts (or skip them) but where do we get the fat? Should we just bring something high in fat content and do that on the side?

If so, any particular suggestions?

Gooserider

If you can possibly afford it, stay in a hotel. That's the only way I can deal with my mother who also knows how everyone else should eat, won't let anyone do anything in her kitchen, and isn't shy about expressing her opinion. If we have to stay under the same roof for more than 24 hours -- especially if it is her roof -- it is a bad scene. The money for a hotel is worth it because it gives me a place to retreat to. I just tell her that her house is too crowded with all of us in it and my husband is more comfortable in a hotel. It's true, when we go there with both kids she really doesn't have good accommodations for all of us. If we wanted to stay, we'd squeeze in, but I don't want to! I'm just firm about it, I tell her that is what we are doing and I don't let her question it.

I am going to see my mother this weekend and I will stay with her, but I am arriving late Saturday afternoon and leaving late Sunday morning and it's just me -- my husband and kids are staying home. That is the longest I will stay in her house. I suspect (or at least hope) that she will be on good behavior, because I haven't been up to visit her for quite a while and she has been begging me to make this visit.

DON'T WORRY! You can eat anything that is local OK that she will put in front of you. You and your hubby KNOW what you can and cannot have and have hopefully already incumbered this. You're not doing this to change HER life, but your own. Just a polite, no thank you, I'll take another of this tho and the meal is over. IL can be difficult. But I know you can get through this! STAY STRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blame it on the doctor. Tell her he insists on this way of eating for your DHs condition. Tell her that the doctor said that he is diabetic from all the high carb and low fat foods y'all have been eating for years. Now, you don't have to tell her that "THE" doctor is Dr. Atkins.

Get a glucometer and tell her how DHs sugar goes down whe he eats lc...tell her the numbers. Tell her how much lipids have improved with this way of eating.

Tell her that she should watch George Stella's show "Low Carb and Lovin' It" on the Food Network and check out all of his great food.

But, I would put off telling her for a while so that she can hear the results before judging them.

Sunni, I think Patrizia and rustpot's suggestions are perfect.

Don't say the word "carb" or "atkins." Use the words "sugar," "processed," "refined flour," and blame everything on DH's doctor.

Don't worry too much about getting your fat in--you can put olive oil on things (is she too much of a philistine to have olive oil in her house? bring some), and don't try to teach her anything, since she knows it all!

There may be a day when the LC/atkins battle is worth fighting with her...but there also may never be. You could reach goal and she would probably say "but it'll just come right back on." You could reach goal and stay there for the rest of her life and on her deathbed she will be saying "It's just water weight, you'll gain it all back..." with her last breath.

People like this will find a way to make you miserable no matter what.

Bring plenty of string cheese, Laughing cow cheese, etc. If it's possible to bring a cooler, do so. If MIL freaks to see you eating hard-boiled eggs, for example, tell her they are special eggs and have extra Omega3's (some eggs do, how can she tell which ones you are eating).

Most of all, good luck, get through it, and don't go back for as long as you can avoid it!

Lucy

ps Gooserider, you can get plenty of fat from dark turkey meat and turkey skin...