I had a friend ask me if I took BEFORE pictures of my belly. Below you will read my response......except that I cleaned up my language as a bow to the forum.
S<><
HE11 NO, I DIDN'T TAKE BEFORE PICTURES!!! That belly is embedded in my brain. I want to let go of it!!!!

Did I show a little too much passion with that answer? Sorry! It is just that one of the main reasons I wanted to get rid of the loose skin is that it contributed in a MAJOR way to my phantom belly. I joke about my phantom belly, but it has been a real problem for me. You know how they say anorexics still feel/see themselves fat? I understand that to a degree. I had that belly for 45 years. I lost the weight, but the skin was still there. I f***ed with my brain. I'm not kidding.

I had a cool moment in bed last night. I was laying comfortably on my side (ahhhhhh! it is GREAT to be able to do that again) and my wonderful man skooted up to spoon me. He wrapped his arm around me like always----he couldn't get his arm comfortable. My belly--and then my skin--always extended from my body. It gave him a place to prop his arm. Last night he couldn't figure out what to do with his arm. It only had air under it. The solution? He had to scoot up much closer and fold me in under his arm. Wow!

I'm NOT used to this flat belly yet. For one thing I am either wearing the belly binder or one of those above the waist panty girdles. (I think they call them "smoothers" now, but My Sweet Mama raised me on the concept of panty girdles. My grandmother wore one of those full body Girdles/Corsets every day of her life!!!) This keeps me from fully experiencing MY FLAT TUMMY. I just love saying that, so I will have to use caps for a while. I do still have swelling, so it may be a while before reality totally kicks in.

Oh, here is a pro low carb comment. I sure am glad that I am on low carb!!! A carby diet makes for a poot-in-ski. Can you imagine how painful that would be with all of these restrictive garments?
Sara<><

Oh, Princess, you always make me giggle!!! Glad it's going better for you!

Thanks, Barbara. Do you remember this song from Mary Poppins?: "I love to laugh--ha,ha,ha,ha. Loud and long and clear!!" That is just the way I feel.

When I was growing up we could always find my father in a crowd by listening for his distinctive sound--a smoker's cough. My man told me yesterday that he found me in a department store by following the sound of my laugh. I sure am glad that is my distinctive sound.

The shoe salesman and I were laughing at how horrible my hot pink toenails looked against the red shoes I was buying. We were having fun with $50.00 shoes. I ended up buying a red pair of shoes that are exactly like some black ones I bought at full price at the first of the season. What can I say? They are just too cute. Why not have them in two colors. I REALLY wanted some animal print heels--but they showed a LOT of toe cleavage. Hmmm? I like bosom cleavage. I wonder why I am so appalled at toe cleavage?

Good grief. All of this talk belongs in my "Have You Noticed After Losing a Lot of Weight..." thread. It is just that I had such a good day yesterday. It was my first real day out, and I loved it. My wonderful man was so sweet and patient with me. We did the shopping stuff. I had a make-over and bought new make-up. He redeemed his Father's Day gift certificate for his iPod mini shuffle. We spent hours reading and drinking coffee in a Starbucks until it was time for our play.

We went to see Dr. Faustus---you know, the play about a man who sells his soul to the devil. It was great fun. It was held in an octagonal theater and our seats were close to the center floor. That meant we got to have the demons and 7 deadly sins up close and personal. Entertaining!!! Anyway, I took a pillow for my back and a wrap/shawl 'cause of the air conditioner. I looked like I was gonna settle in for the night. But, I was very comfortable.

Today my weight is up 4 pounds so I know I am holding fluid. I am not going to church. I am going to keep my feet up and settle in for a lazy Sunday with my man and my animals----sometimes my man is one of my animals.
Sara<><

I made it!!! It has been a month since my belt lipectomy, and I am doing great. I feel great. I still have that bizarre shooting pain on the side of my left hip. It hurts if I lean or sit sideways. Sometimes it is painful when clothes hit is wrong. I also find that my posture is not completely normal. I can stand completely straight when I am rested, but it still feels like it is pulling. I notice that I am mostly still slump shouldered. (My man loves this 'cause he can constantly look down my shirt!) I still take a muscle relaxer every 12 hours or so since I have a history of back pain--there is no point in creating tension when I have this lovely prescription, right? Plus, I am still sitting much more than normal.

My waist is shrinking. First of all let me just say those words again...MY WAIST! I actually have a waist. WOW. The swelling is going down and I am gaining sensation. I am not wearing a restrictive garment these days unless I am going out and will be walking. Then, I am wearing an above the waist panty girdle. It seems to provide support and keeps me from having pain. If I am out and walking quite a bit, I do have some pain ---not bad by any means, but I think of it as a warning to move slowly and sit down often. My lower stomach---below the belly button is still swollen and very numb. It actually feels like I am still wearing a restrictive garment. I can't fully FEEL that I have a flat stomach yet.

Since the numbed sensation is still there, I'm a little nervous about it. Two women told me that ANY weight gain would go there first. I asked my doctor's medical assistant about that and she disagreed. I don't know. My belly has always been the FIRST place to show even the smallest amount of weight gain. BUT, I have had fat cells removed. I always understood weight gain to first to plumping up existing fat cells BEFORE creating new ones. Logically that tells me weight gain will go to existing fat cells located in my body BEFORE new ones would be created in my belly. However, my body historically deposits weight in my abdomen---the most dangerous area. This raises questions for me to research. Since I have had fat cells actually removed, will I be healthier now. I'm sure I probably still have fat around my internal organs, but I know it is better than it was.

This also says that I am still holding fear. Oh Sara!! Girl, you gotta get a grip on this. You so don't want to spend your thin life looking over your shoulder at your fat past!!! Learn from it and let it go. I am continuing my mental/spiritual/emotional recovery. Lots of prayer, reading, writing---all going in a positive motion away from the fear and into the joy. I am starting a new book study on another forum. We will be working with Judith Beck's Cognitive Therapy book. I get a lot out of brain research. GIANT thanks, Eno, for tipping me off to this book.

For me, I need to feel a match between my physical body and my desired body. I need to feel on the outside that I am moving toward my internal identity. To be thin, healthy, and fit, I need to feel that I am making progress in physically producing that. If this sounds weird to you, ask yourself if you have ever found yourself overeating or under exercising on your "fat" days. I'll bet you have. Now, the good thing about "blooming" at my age is that my internal image is a realistic one. I'm not going for perfection. I don't mind my scars. I'm happy with my basic frame and super happy that God gave me some nice features. (Did you know that I have great feet? As average, as average can be. I can soooo wear pretty shoes. ) I love to have fun in life and that carries over to my appearance. I will always be the teacher that will wear the wacky hats, hair, earrings, etc. Now, I am also confident enough to really "dress." I am embracing my inner princess. I am secure in who I am on the inside, so I can have fun with the outside. I accept that I DO want to be thin. I am learning to honor that desire.

I still haven't specifically posted on this forum the epiphany I had shortly before my surgery. It was a true gift from my Higher Power. I'll write about that soon.

For today I just want to post in where I am physically and mentally one month post surgery. Today, I am GRATEFUL!!!
Sara<><

I am astounded by your story! (In a good way!)
I'm also from Alabama! How's your momanem doin'?

I have lost 129 pounds and I also have that whole apron thing going. (And yes, G-string would totally be lost down there! I can't even imagine the horror!) I'm planning on having surgery at to fix the tummy and to ADD breasts. (they are totally deflated from having lost so much weight and also from breastfeeding) The whole plan is to reach goal and then stay there for a year before having surgery. Plus, we are thinking of having a second child...but not sure at this point...but surgery would be AFTER that.

I'd love to hear your opinion of your doctor and his location/name, but understand if you don't want to share. How did you feel about your surgeon's staff? I am so envious of your transformation and I can't wait to see some pictures of the new and improved you! Amazing stuff!

MelloYello

M.Y.
Hey, check your private messages.

Thanks for your nice post. I'm sure it resonates with you because you ARE going to do what I've done!!! Congratulations on the weight loss. I do think I would wait until I was finished having kids to get the surgery. I am very happy with the muscle repair of the surgery. I'm afraid a pregnancy would just recreate the problem.

Keep in touch,
Sara<><

Email on its way! So glad you'll share info!

congrats, Sara, on your month. I'm sure your MD told you to massage the scar- it hurts at first than it helps. But ask first- and ask on the plastic surgery site too. After my hysterectomy (long vertical scar) I massaged the scar and it is absolutely pain free- has been for years.

Rally glad you like the book- the best self-help Cog Therapy book is Feeling Good Handbok by David Burns, a student of Judith Beck's father Aaron Beck. It is more about anxiety and depression- not about weight.

later-
E

Sara,

You are a wonderous lady, full of life & so very focused! Congratulations on all your achievements! I feel that for you...the best is yet to come! I was up late at night, looking for a push or inspiration in the right direction & I came across your story. I have reached 40 & have seen in you the youthful vibrancy I once had in my lightweight youth, (~25yo,127#). I have 4 more children then I had then & added an extra husband. I am in a good place as far as my WOE & the reasons are right, but the passion for life is not as it should be. I do not feel depressed or anxious, just functioning at adaquate capacity. Seeing the challenges you have overcome; mentally, emotionally & physically, has me evaluating where I should go with the next step for myself. Thank you for the inspiring story of your life experiences...It has motivated me to start working on living life to the fullest again!

Many thanks!, ~Cheryl

Hon,
The more we "talk" the more I realize we have in common. I really enjoy our interaction. I have started massaging the scar. I have a few little scabs left, but not too many itchy spots. I am putting some light lotion--Nivea Q10plus on it now. I am not quite ready for Mederma---I don't think it is closed/healed to that level yet. I'm not really worried about the scar. Right now it is raised enough that it looks like I'm wearing a G string under some clothing---no big deal, 'cause I just might be doing that.

I have the Burns book. I will go back and look at it. I bought it during my years of deep depression. I inherited genetic clinical depression. I did (and do) have to take medication for it...but, that has literally been a life saver. Since getting the right medication (I have a psychiatrist--M.D. who *knows* what she is doing), I am grateful to say that I have not had to deal with living in the "dark" zone! I have already consulted with my doctor following the general anesthesia. It has not thrown me this time---but, that is something that can happen.

I am VERY interested in the "brain" aspects of weight loss and maintenance. Everyone is different, of course, in what causes them to manifest obesity. I am not a "foodie." I don't enjoy the cooking or gourmet stuff. I'm not one to want a lot of variety, etc. I think I'm lucky in that way. I'm sure I have grown to be that way from having to live with a restricted diet for 26 years---food takes on a different meaning. But, I am easily addicted. I battle cravings....my brain actually feels wired that way. I am fascinated with using thoughts and behavioral practices to rewire my brain. Abstaining from higher levels of carbs is essential...the same as alcohol, but that is only part of the picture. Altering brain responses and/or behaviors is another necessity in my recovery. It is amazing to me that we can manifest through our thoughts----very powerful and an essential aspect of being *human.*
Sara<><

Wow, Cheryl!
Your post is so powerful. You have really touched me. I was tentative about hitting the 40's. From 40-45 was one of the worst times of my life. I was so weighted down by life. Then, I had the fall. Literally. I fell UP a flight of stairs one morning at work. As I was in the act of falling, it was slow motion and surreal. On some level I knew this was going to be a BIG one. On a physical level, of course it was....I was 210 pounds hitting concrete. I fractured a bone within my left knee and in my right wrist. What a nightmare. I could hardly maneuver around on my crutches---two different kinds due to my casts. I felt so disabled!! My students and family were amazing. They went above and beyond to help me. I can't say that about the rest of the world. Friends were busy with their lives and were often thoughtless in their actions.

This experience turned out to be life-altering. It shook me up!! First of all, it put me in touch with the reality of my size. There was no way I could deny how large I had become. Metaphorically, the fall was representative of my life. I was falling from grace. I could not reach any of the goals I had set for myself. Everything felt like a futile up-hill climb. I was getting in my own way. I was causing much of my own pain.

Looking back, I feel like that was a turning point. I've learned so much since then; I've changed so much since then. I now realize that the goals I thought I just HAD to have, weren't right for me. I've learned to accept help from others. I've learned to say "no" and take the time I need for myself. I have learned how to determine what is *really* important to me....that one has been tough.

In so many ways, I have begun to live MY life in my 40's. I LOVE being the age I am. In fact, I am 48 for the second year in a row. Sometime last year I got confused and thought I was 48. As my birthday approached I realized in a conversation with my wonderful man that something was wrong when I said I was turning 49. So, I did some second grade math and realized that I get to be 48 again this year!!!! How cool is that!!!

Love your 40's, Darrling! They are indeed the FABULOUS years!
Sara<><

I will most assuredly check out your doc and try to find out as much as I can about him. I'm going to give myself a year to research different doctors and to get 'estimates' and references. (But, like I said...we have to decide if we're having another child, first. I'm 32 and we're basically either going to conceive this year...or never again. I don't want to prolong it.)

I'm so excited to read about your recovery process. I can literally 'hear' the excitement in your posts. It's incredibly inspiring...so, again...thank you for sharing your experience!

Oh Princess Sara, I am so glad you're posting on the forum again. Truly, you made me see the beauty in the southern United States when I had to spend so much time in Georgia and Alabama last summer with MY wonderful man (who is going to be my husband on Aug. 11!).

I am just tickled pink with your success. Just...grinning from ear to ear. And I know EXACTLY what you mean about the little G-strings from Victoria's secret. While I don't wear them everyday, there is nothing like an electric magenta lace thong trimmed with feathers to make a man's eyeballs fall out of his head.

Mello, I'm glad you mentioned costs because I have been forgetting to say that I still have not gotten a bill from the hospital. I am being vewy, vewy qwiet....I will NOT be calling them! Anyway, my costs are MUCH less than other places. (around $6500.00) As for taking a year to decide and gather information, I think that is smart. I will tell you that you cannot just pop onto most surgeon's calendars. I went for an initial consult last November and let the info settle in. I'm glad I did because I went in thinking maybe I could have a tummy tuck and finding out it would be a belt. I never did quite figure out my surgeon's calendar system. He would not book over six months ahead...or maybe it is that he only opens it twice a year. I dunno, it made no sense to me, but I called at the first of the year and go the exact date I wanted. I did have to pay in full before he did the surgery. I guess if you want to finance it, you would have to figure it out on your own.

Amory,I'm glad to be back posting here, also. Girl, let me just tell you that you better be glad you are having that August wedding up north!!! I married my wonderful man in August (1979) and we "liked to died." Mind you this was back in the day when they put shaving cream on cars---"Just Married" baked into the hood of my man's Cutlass Supreme (anyone old enough to remember those?) and said it until the day the car was repainted. People also threw rice back in those days. We left Georgia and headed to Greenville, SC right after the wedding....when we stopped off for a bathroom break on the way, rice fell out of my "going away outfit" (we had those back then, too) all over the floor. Amory, I am dying if I am lying, but that rice was COOKED!!!!

I wish a wonderful wedding for you...and more importantly a happy marriage.
Blessings to you and your fiance!!!

Since I posted last year, my son got married. He married a terrific young woman during December. I love, love, love my DIL!!

Now onto the beauty of the south. I am soooo missing my trips to the beaches on the Gulf Coast. We are 90 miles north of Ft. Walton-Destin-Pencsacola. I am listening to my doctor and staying out of the sun, but man oh man...it is tough. I've already told my man he MUST book us a trip over Labor Day. There is nothing like the beach to relax---and the Emerald Coast is absolutely FABULOUS!!!
Sara<><

I cannot believe what I have just done!!!!!

I just ordered some bikinis from Venus!!! Holy crap!!! I might need to go lay down...I feel light-headed!

Here is how I came to this point. I have a plastic box which holds almost all of the bathing suits I've had for the past 20 years. Last year, I got rid of the ones that were too big. That left some one pieces which looked good back when I weighed 150 before....back in the 80's when super high cut legs were the fashion. My body has changed since then...I don't have the big GIRLS up top anymore so they make me look like I have no waist...okay, I don't really have a waist. Time to ditch those. I tried on the pretty tankini I bought last year. The bottoms are just blah---they do not *pop*. I do have a super sexy one piece with transparent netting covering just the essentials....bought long ago so it has the high cut sides. Flattering. Hmmm? What kind of suit is gonna work now, with my scars and all?

So..... last night I put on a thong under my nightie to tease my man, don't cha know. Well....he made me go to a mirror and turn until I could see my behind. I was like, "Jeesshhh, here we go with his Brazilian Butt talk again." But you know what, I think he is right. The surgery tightened my behind. It does poke out from the rear. And, when I turned around I noticed that even though I was wearing teeny panties, the scar was completely covered. My surgeon made me the perfect scar for a scoop-front brazilian bikini. Holy Mother of God! I am a 48-year old woman...a mother with a married son....a school teacher for goodness sakes! But there was the truth right there in the mirror (yes, I had on my glasses!): The suit that flatters my body is a scoop-front brazilian bikini. High on the leg...scooped down under the belly button.

Today I did it. I got on the Venus site where they are having a great sale...especially in the clearance section...and I ordered several bikinis. I cannot get over myself! In trying to determine sizes etc. I got out the old tape measure. I compared my measurements to where I was this time last year (at goal). I am happy to say that even though my weight has settled higher than the 135 I thought was right for me, my measurements are the same...except in the stomach area. Even with my swelling, I have lost 4 inches in my lower stomach---you know the part below the belly button. I do not have an hour glass figure, but I am learning how to dress to my features.

I made myself a glass of SF iced tea and just sat down for a while. Then, I called my wonderful man at work and told him what I had done. He said, "Aren't you excited!" I said, "No, my heart is having palpitations and I am scared to death!" I am just going to have to adjust to this!!!
Gulp!
Sara<><