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  #226   ^
Old Mon, Jun-21-10, 19:49
lcgrrl2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarar
I'm back in AL. I was able to leave Daddy using his new glucose meter successfully and with a better understanding on how to treat his diabetes. I've talked with him every day since then. He seems less depressed, and he is feeling empowered.

I had a great weekend. I realized that yesterday was the first time I've been to let myself feel happy since all of this nightmare began in January. That doesn't mean that my heart isn't broken for Mama, but I am moving into a better place---detachment I guess. I, too am beginning to feel some empowerment.

I was rereading Seventh Heaven by Alice Hoffman. It is set in the year of 1959....the year I was born. The character development in that book is top notch. I am thinking this morning of the description from the overweight young mother. She had lost herself in her role of mother/wife until a washer repairman treated her with kindness. The small gesture reached in an helped her get in touch with her inner self. She began a diet--for herself....she told no one. After a short time she stopped weighing herself and stayed on the plan just for the sake of sticking to her regimen. One day her pants fell to her ankles in the meat dept. of the A&P. She began to imagine beautiful clothes. I won't go into her full storyline, but later she described that in her fat body she felt "dead inside." That really resonated with me. I remember that feeling from many years ago. No one would have suspected that I too was dead inside. I appreciated the memory and the sense of wonder as I lost weight and began a wonderful journey.

I remind myself that I am still on that journey. I am getting back in touch with myself. I've felt myself getting lost in the layers of the caretaker role....daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, teacher. I am feeling in touch with myself again.

Great news about your father and that you're getting your "center" back.
You're an awesome lady!

Denise
ps. ordered that book from the library
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  #227   ^
Old Wed, Oct-20-10, 17:12
melloyello melloyello is offline
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Posts: 7,894
 
Plan: Maintenance
Stats: 164/170/152 Female 65
BF:
Progress: -50%
Location: Alabama, USA
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Sara, how are your parents doing?
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  #228   ^
Old Thu, Oct-21-10, 04:15
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sarar sarar is offline
Princess Sara
Posts: 1,826
 
Plan: Dukan
Stats: 210/165.6/150 Female 5 ft 4 inches
BF:---
Progress: 74%
Location: L.A. (Lower Alabama)
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Thanks for the poke. Things have been rough. Mama is okay physically, but the dementia has left us with a personality that is definitely not the person we knew. She has dementia with hallucinations. She is convinced there is nothing wrong with her and that Daddy put her in a nursing home so that he can have a life with another woman. She is a handful.

I began going into a depression last spring, but it got really bad about a month ago. My doctor decided that one of my meds was no longer working. He switched me to pristiq. It seems to be working, but I am having to concentrate on taking care of myself. I am low carbing which helps me feel better and is good for my blood sugars.

My job is difficult this year. I have 22 third graders (a grade with 3 state tests to administer this year) with many special needs kids. Plus we have a new administrator. I got the worst letter from a parent yesterday saying that I am not "helping" her daughter. Yikes!! I am honestly doing everything I can to the best of my ability.

Isn't it frustrating when you are giving as much as you can and realizing that you still have to work to keep your own well from running dry?

Sorry that this doesn't sound very positive. I am doing better, but this is just a difficult time. Thanks for the notes since it reminds me to look after myself today.
Sara<><
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  #229   ^
Old Thu, Oct-21-10, 08:32
melloyello melloyello is offline
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Posts: 7,894
 
Plan: Maintenance
Stats: 164/170/152 Female 65
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Progress: -50%
Location: Alabama, USA
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Dementia is so hard to deal with! I wish it never happened to anyone. It definitely changes a person's behavior and personality and makes it MOST difficult for everyone involved. Best wishes and peaceful thoughts to your family for going through all of that. You need all the patience you can muster!

Ah! I didn't know you were a teacher! *applause* Thank you for all you do. I went to college and studied to be a teacher (music)....and then decided when I was nearly finished that there was NO WAY I could seriously handle all of those kids on a daily basis. I seriously think teachers are WARRIORS in disguise. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

Thanks for checking in. I wonder from time to time about how things are going....
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  #230   ^
Old Mon, Oct-25-10, 05:26
Aura2008 Aura2008 is offline
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Posts: 3
 
Plan: atkins
Stats: 247/203/145 Female 5'6
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Sarar, I have read all the posts on this thread... It was like reading a book.. and your my favorite character.. I feel as if I have been on this life ride with you ... I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. We have much in common...Your honesty about your life helped me in many ways,,, I hope things are going well for you.

Last edited by Aura2008 : Mon, Oct-25-10 at 05:29. Reason: spelling
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  #231   ^
Old Thu, Oct-28-10, 19:04
sarar's Avatar
sarar sarar is offline
Princess Sara
Posts: 1,826
 
Plan: Dukan
Stats: 210/165.6/150 Female 5 ft 4 inches
BF:---
Progress: 74%
Location: L.A. (Lower Alabama)
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Oh Ladies, you words could not have come at a better time. I am beating myself up.....and have emotionally eaten for the past four days. Dumb! This is just such a hard time right now. I love teaching, but this is the hardest class I've had in my 20 years of teaching. It is really wearing me down. Our new administrator is great....a real go getter, but he is constantly handing out new technology (not new desktops for the classroom mind you) that I am having a hard time getting to. I just feel guilty all of the time. I'm not getting to the new stuff. I'm not getting to my top students because my class is too large and I have too many special needs students. The kids with behavior problems all have behind the scene stories that explain their actions, but I can't "fix" this. I'm working all of the time and just feeling like I'm not doing a very good job.

I have got to get back to taking care of me in order to handle the needs of others, but isn't that so dang hard?

I go back to my psychiatrist next week to see if we have balanced the meds. I'm not crying all of the time, but I am not myself.

You know what? I could not sleep last night because of the tension in my neck. I now understand what people mean when they say their kids or their jobs are a pain in the neck. I have never considered getting a massage, but I wonder if it would help. Have any of you tried it? How long does the relief last?

I am having a steak for supper.....back in the low carb saddle again.
Sara<><
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  #232   ^
Old Thu, Oct-28-10, 19:30
Aura2008 Aura2008 is offline
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Posts: 3
 
Plan: atkins
Stats: 247/203/145 Female 5'6
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Sounds like you have alot going on, having a large class is very hard, then add speacial needs kids, plus new technology and that = a pain in your neck... Yes massage is wonderful. I highly recommend it. I am in school myself and doing an internship, I am wore down... I swear i'm 45 but I am looking at senior citizens with envy... ahhh to retire...every day my bed looks better and better.... are you sleeping good?
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