I've always been the fattest one in the family. I am now the thinnest in both size and weight. I'm still not especially thin, but my family tends towards heaviness.
Also, I've always been the one who ate the most, who never cared about junk and calories. Now I am as they would call it "obsessive" with it, more so than anyone else.

I feel a bit of guilt over this. My younger sister, who is a healthy 145 lbs at 5'7 and solidly built, has recently begun cyclical dieting even though she naturally maintains a healthy weight. I think the reason she started is because of my own preoccupation with weight and eating and it makes her feel like she has no "willpower" or that she's too fat.
Also, my mother who is obese (5'4 200 lbs) has likewise begun feeling guilty for eating what she likes (especially carbohydrates that she so favors) and always thinks about dieting now.

I just feel really bad and guilty that my own weight loss should have such a profound negative affect on those in my environment.

It's not just my weight loss, it's also the comments I make, I'm ashamed to say. Sometimes I think I say things which are inadvertently hurtful. Like, I'll see my mom take a plate full of junk food and I'll tell her how bad all that stuff is, the transfats, etc.
Or my sister, who goes through bags of sugar candy a day, I'll tell her how bad it is for her, how she would be healthier if she ate more protein (she never eats any), how her nails would grow strong, etc. I don't mean to sound like a food nazi, but in passing I'll comment on the (bad) food choices they make sometimes. I don't MEAN to do harm, but apparently both my example and my comments are having a profound negative affect. They really aren't changing anything about their eating... they're just feeling really, really guilty and going on week long dieting excursions every so often.

The comments are easy enough to take care of. I just need to learn to SHUT UP and to let people do what they've want. I've really tried cutting down on nitpicking their junk and not being such an annoyance. My intent was for them to eat healthier, not to feel bad and stay unhealthy. Seeing as all it's accomplished is them eating the stuff anyway, trying to "diet", and feeling guilty, there is absolutely no reason for me to say anything at all.

However, what to do about my own weight and behavior? Just the fact that I am thinner now makes my sister want to diet and makes her feel "fat". When they see me take a small portion of meat but a huge green salad, it makes them feel like they take too much. I've come to the conclusion that they deal with their insecurities by calling me anorexic or obsessed with health, and I think they do believe that I am to a degree. However, I also think they say these things because my behavior intimidates them and makes them feel less adequate.

Is anyone else facing a similar conflict with their loved ones?

There's always a fine line between trying to help people and appearing obnoxious, especially when it comes to loved ones. Here's the way I see it. You are not responsible for how other people live. You may want your loved ones to eat healthier, but until they want to, they won't. Pressing them to do so will only cause resentment. So, yes, I think your suspicions about prodding comments about nutrition probably not helping are spot on. What I think a good middle ground would be is to tell these people--once, only once--that if they ever want to lose weight, you'd be happy to help them and will be there to support them. Then leave it at that.

As for the notion that success alone can cause resentment--even if you're not pushing--well, there's just not much you can do about that. Certainly you're not going to stop what you're doing, and, as harsh as it may sound, this is more their problem than yours.

I suspect that their comments about you being anorexic could be in backlash to your comments about their eating habits. If it's hurtful to you to hear your family members say these things to you--and I imagine it would be--it might help to "clear the air." Tell them that you're sorry if you ever said anything that might have hurt them by criticizing their eating habits, but then also say that it hurts to hear them call you anorexic. Tell them you're willing to make a deal that you won't say things about their eating that might make them feel bad if they agree to do the same.

Thanks thenextguy, that sounds like an excellent idea.

We all just need to sit down and get this out in the open. We've both been hurting each others feelings about food needlessly, and if we all admitted how we were making each other feel we could stop attacking each other.

I think this issue is complicated by the fact that the so much of the medical establishment is not on board with low carb. There is so much invested in low fat and the current food pyramid that this will be a slow evolution. Therefore, it's much easier for people to be hesitant of low carb.

I feel for you as I think your intentions are good and you want for your family members to enjoy good health. I am happy to be "into health." I was always curious about it but it seemed so far away before. Your example will make it easier for your family members when they are ready.

I think it's your way of showing you care for their health.

I'm going throw the same thing now. Telling DH not to eat this or that cause he's gain a bit of weight. Telling DS to be more cautios with what he eats, not to many sweets, etc...

I just don't want them to go through what I am battling now with.

I have to rephrase how I say it so it doesn't come out so mean. Sometimes it is best to shut up, but what if your saying something could save their life, change it for the better.

Just let them know that you care, that you went through struggles and don't want them going through the same.

I'm sure they'll understand, that you just simply love them.

My family thought low carbing was akin to evil when they found out I was doing it. I heard lots of negative comments but they were all impressed with the losses I had immediately. Both of my parents, my sister and her dh were obese but kept telling me how good this treat or that was or too bad I couldn't eat 'x'.

I ended up showing them Bob Greene's site (www.getwiththeprogram.org) simply because he has a 5 way assessment thing. It shows BMI, approx body fat and a few other factors. (it's a cool little calculator). It put them in perspective regarding where they were and where I was too (as I shared some of my numbers as well).

The comments stopped and a few months later (since mom & sis go there) they all 4 started the Curves low carb diet and couldn't be happier. BIL has gone from a 48" waist to almost a 40" (he's 6'5"), sis is down over 60# (more than me, but she had more to lose), mom & dad have both dropped a few sizes.

It's awful when you're in the middle of it and feel ganged up on or almost wrong for taking steps to care for yourself, but it can have an impact on their lives too.

Also, when people comment to me about my loss I don't try to push low carb onto them. I tell them about it, what I've liked, what I do, etc. At work I must be giving out info at least once a week. I really think that weight loss isn't about being motivated or having will power. It's about something clicking in your head and saying "this is it; I'm really doing it this time." If it were really about time, money & motivation, Oprah would be anorexic. Ya know? :-) It's not like I didn't know I was fat for those years or that I was happy with my weight. Something was just different this time.

Ok, sorry to ramble. Just wanted to share my experience and hope that all settles down on the home front for you. Great job on your loss & all. It's not easy and you deserve support & admiration all around for making it work!

Brenda

Brenda, http://www.getwiththeprogram.org is a good link; thanks!

My family isn't like this at all. They've always been super supportive and don't make comments like yours does. They do occasionally say, "You don't need to lose anymore weight" or you are getting too thin", but those are rare. I've been very blessed.

I would also suggest talking to them about it! I think that would really help!

It's kind of like when I quit smoking. I felt so much better, I couldn't see any reason why ANYONE would smoke! Especially DH. But I remembered when I was smoking (something about prying the cigarette from my cold, stiff fingers -- until I realized that's exactly what they'd be doing).
Now I see friends who are diabetic, overweight, etc. And I do lend them my DANDR (hey, when am I getting it back?) but I try very hard not to preach. Because then it isn't about losing weight and getting healthy, it's about not being pushed around by me.

Yes! That's brilliant!

It's hard to help commenting when it's people you care about, but after you've made your feelings known, there's no need to repeat it. And so what if you have done this difficult thing and look and feel better...I mean, is that really so bad?

We absolutely cannot stay down so those in the pit with us feel better momentarily. We have to CLIMB OUT OF THE PIT so they can look up and see that one can get out.