I am a sexual abuse survivor, and was not sure that I could have a healthy sexual relationship with my husband add to that, that I am 5'2 and 200 lbs. It is not easy being naked in front of someone that means the world to you and thinking they find you disgusting (I was told this by my abusers). I have discovered though that Love has a way of breaking all these misconceptions down. My husband married me and me being this size so one would assume that he likes the way I look but it still doesn't stop all the fears. Once I stopped hiding my body and let my husband have free reign to look and touch where ever he wanted to my fears were over because he carressed and kissed all those parts that I didn't want him to see, he loves all of me and thinks I am pretty just as I am. I have always turned him on. Now I am kinda worried about getting skinny cause he is unsure of how I will look. My Mom is small she weighs about 115 and is 5'4 and he says please tell me you aren't going to get that skinny. I am looking forward to being able to wear some of the more risque outfits that he loves and being able to further vary some of our postions. One of the reasons for starting this weight loss effort was because we are going to Jamaica to renew our vows next May and I don't want to go fat. I want to look good for him and for me. Is anyone more self conscious after weight loss than they were before? I know deep down I guess that hubby will be fine with however I look fat or thin cause he loves me in whatever package I am in.

Evening bluebird...

U should do this way of eating for yourself and no one else. As I have read you have a hard past with the abuse and all. But, its time to come to terms with your weight and do this for the healthy reasons..Who knows how much weight you will loose..As long as you stick to this way of life..The weight will come off and you will feel 100 percent..I have experienced thru the years that weight is only a number..As long as you are healthy can live your life to the fullest..Then the scale should not dictate otherwise.

Do this for yourself and then of course for your husband..U have a lot of self-image issues and I imagine its from the abuse..Try working on yourself first..

I do wish you the best of luck on your weightloss endeavor..Member take one day at a time/one meal at a time and drink lots of water..

Linda

It must be really hard to open yourself up and trust someone else after what you've lived through. What a treasure to find someone who loves you enough for both of you when you feel that fear and find it hard to love YOURSELF.

I think part of the reason I fight with my weight is the empty insecurity of losing my insulation. I'm sure you'll find a lot of us struggle with the same issues when it comes to trying to make the thinner outside match who we are on the inside... and all the while healing that inside of all the negative things we've been trying to bury.

Welcome to the board.

My suggestion, if it feels right for you, is to tell your husband that his comment about hoping you don't get that skinny kinda worried you. It might help to talk about it. Maybe he's worried if you are too skinny, you'll leave him. Maybe he just has a preference for fleshier women (my fiance likes blondes, he'd hate it if I let my hair go back to it's natural brown). Maybe he's worried if you focus too much on weight loss, you won't have time for him. If you ask him why he said that, it might help a lot. If you know what was behind the comment, you might be able to reassure him and yourself. It's important to have support from our loved ones as we try to get healthy & fit. If you are worried in the back of your head that he doesn't approve, it could sabotage you. If you can, try to talk to him about it. It will probably turn out to be something trivial, you'll feel relieved and be able to return to this with a clear focus.

Val

I've been through almost exact same thing. You're suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTDS) and all your self-image has been mangled by the experience. Althought we may found love afterwards the scar remains and will pop-up when you least expect. Aside from self-image issues (hate being naked, lack of self-esteem, etc) there would also be irrational emotional triggers which hurts those we love and we have very little control. All the weight is simply a shield we build from our childhood to protect us from the abuse and the rest of humanity if possible. Deep inside, there's a little girl (boy in my case) who cries ceaselessly and no one hears her but you.

You need to seek psych therapy to put all this behind you. Find a practitioner who specializes in PTDS and childhood sexual abuse, and make sure he or she is from a sex your comfortable with (usually not the same sex as your abuser). There emotional blockage which we develop during the abuse that's no longer needed (the abuse is in the past) and we need to process it as the adult we are now and then train ourselves to let them go. This way we can start living again and actually mentally grow up from the age which the abuse took place. And only then are you able to love yourself (find yourself attractive) and truly love the dear husband who has offered his unconditional love.

I went through this process for almost a year and it has changed my life. I no longer hate myself or have low self-esteem, and I no longer get stuck in the cycle of diet and weight gain. I did it all for my dear wife, and I think facing our greatest fears for the love of others is a good reason to to through it.

I've found that a process called EMDR was very effective in the treatment of my PTSD and the past abuse issue. You can visit this website and maybe find a therapist near you. I am also willing to share my experiences with you if you need more support. Best of luck to you.

http://www.emdria.org/displaycommon...ubarticlenbr=17

I think the advice to ask your partner to expound on the remark is a good one. My partner said something very similar to me when I started this path. His words, "I hope you dont' get thin like your sister." My sister had just lost 35 pounds on Atkins so I was assuming he meant that he thought she was too thin. Nope. I said, "Why would you say that?" And he said, "Because she's been acting like a 'floozie' (my kinder word) since she lost the weight."

It wasn't the weight that bothered him, it was the potential for 'flooziedom' if I reached goal. This is not to say your Mom's a floozie, but perhaps he sees something in her personality that he associates with her weight.

It's best to ask and then you can figure where he's coming from and meet him halfway.