i used to have a major eating disorder and sometimes i feel as if it's starting all over again. I have to stop myself at times. The thinner i get the fatter i feel and the more weight i want to lose. i'm 5'2 and 106 now and i feel huge. I know that this is really wrong but everythime i look in the mirrior i see these huge hips & thighs....... My goal weight is 90 pounds but i don't know if i wanna stop there....
anyways

B

Sweetie, if you think you are fat at 110 pounds, I think it is time for you to seek some professional treatment. You have obviously achieved a great deal in overcoming your earlier eating disorder, but you clearly need more help.

If you lower your weight to 90 pounds, you will be definitely underweight - enough to put your future health at risk.

I hope all goes well for you.

Rosebud

Swettie I hope everything goes as planned. You know I know its hard to stop. I went throught the same thing too. When you lose weight you want to keep on losing more is like if you get a B+ on a term paper you want an A. It happens to some of us. I would try to get some help, but I spoke with my school teacher and you know whats funny she had the same issue. Go and talk about with someone you really trust. Thats what I did and I feel great im 5'8 and weight 135 I know its a little skinny but im trying to gain a few. If I was you I would immeidantly go to phase 4 and say to your self you are not fat you are skinny. Keep on saying that everymoring and you would fell much better about yourself. Trust me I believe in you and agian You have to stop before you go to the hopital. My best of wishes go to you and take care.

Hi Brandie

You sound like you are already at goal weight!!!

I have major eating disorders too from anorexia to bulemia but now I binge without the purging.

I too was 5'8" and weighed in at 135 and thought I was FAT.

The biggest help for me is to look at myself non-objectively in a picture and pretend I was not me and ask myself is that person fat???

I arrived at my goal weight by looking thru past pics and I know what I weighed in every singel pic!!! I picked the pic where "I" looked my most healthy!

Hugs and I hope this helps...BTW I do see a counselor and it does help.

I too know exactly how you feel and have the same stats. When I look in the mirror all I see is FAT (on a bad day). When I iron my jeans I cannot believe that I fit into them, because once I'm wearing them they look huge.

It's so hard not to become obsessive about weight and in a society that's so dominated by image it's almost impossible.

I don't think I'll ever lose my body image disorder, but I don't binge anymore and I'm not anorexic or bulimic either.

Sometimes for me it's all about control, if I was just a little bit thinner I would be so much happier and everything in my life would follow.

I really hope you start to overcome this as I have almost done, you sound like an intelligent lady, and although a cliche beauty really is only skin deep...concentrate on being healthy foremost x

I understand where you're coming from. I am 5'4" and at my lowest weight, I was 86 pounds (WAY to thin for my height...bones everywhere). I had a problem of not eating for days at a time....anorexia. When I got pregnant, the doctor made me gain 30 pounds just for me, and then the rest for the baby. I felt alright during the pregnancy and then ended up losing it all within weeks to a couple of months. It's so hard on your body. Now, everybody tells me I'm losing too much too fast, but I have gotten a little obsessive too. I have the same fear that I will go back to the old ways of losing weight and I am afraid that will taint my little girl...she's two now, but so impressionable. All that I can say is FIGHT it. It's hard, but just take it a day at a time. My best defense against the urge is listening to my husband. He is so good at making me feel like I am a sexy woman, so it's easier not to slip into old habits. Good luck and if you have any questions, just ask....someone has the answer

Hi, I'm new here. I have had an eating disorder (bulemia) for 15 years. Off and on...
I binge and purge...and feel nothing but disgust with myself if I look in the mirror. I was 220 lbs in highschool, dropped to 120 lbs and everyone thought I looked sick...except me. I still hated my body. I'm currently 157, and I'm starting to come to terms with my body. I'm turning 30 in January, and can tell that it's not as easy as it used to be to lose weight. I've always had yo-yo weight...but now I'm stuck at this weight unless I do something about it. I'm still trying to get over my eating disorder. Some people tell me to get help...but can't find any that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. No insurance, no extra money. I'm on my own. During my off periods, I was working out, eating right...I was proud of myself. But then I'd get pregnant again and the pounds would pile on. But drop again after a few months after having the baby. It's been a never-ending cycle for me. I now take it one day at a time. I'm hoping this new diet and lifestyle will help me.

Good for you mom of 4! I know how hard it can be to "do it the right way". I have found that by just writing my thoughts down here is helping my attitude a lot! I would say that since there is not really any extra money right now and no insurance, (our medical society is SO messed up price-wise right now!!), then find solace right here or in an online chat room that you're comfortable with. For me, it's easier to talk online because I don't worry as much about what people are thinking of me. Plus, everybody here has been EXTREMELY supportive for me. Just sit down whenver you get the urge and let it out! Someone will always have an encouraging idea or thought. Best of luck!

Thanks for the words. This has been a great place for me to read about others like me and just relax, knowing that they understand.

thanks soooo much everyone..... you'll never know how much i apperciate your help..

I am bulemic. It's been a problem for me since I was 14. I do need to lose weight but, more important, I want to be healthy. I have no energy! I feel fatigued all the time. I am feeling very stressed. I work full time during the day, go to school nights, plus I have to young children. My mother had a stroke. I'm feeling pretty low right now.

I think the same thing... sometimes I put my life on hold waiting for the day I reach my goal weight. After that, everything will be so much better. I will get a boyfriend, wear the clothes I want, etc. The funny thing is, when I was a few years younger and wicked skinny, I was miserable and hated myself.

Eating disorders can totally take over ones life and self worth. I have been bulimic for 5 years, and it was actually brought on by the fact that my thyroid was underactive and i gained weight uncontrolably. I took back that control when i started binging and purging. wanting so badly to be thin and yet putting myself in a miserable state. All i could do was think about the next binge and purge. Being overtaken by cravings and just obsessing about food in my mind was killing me. The obsession to be thin is everywhere, but to be self destructive like that is more an act of self hate rather than the great trek to be thin. I hated myself but now i am comming to see that i am really not that bad, and that why cant i just hop on a new Way of eating that will help me lose weight in a healthy fashion. That is where i am today. I cant say that i still dont hate the way that i look, but learning to except who you are to take care of yourself is key. And ive learned too, that with bulimia, you pretty much go up and down on the scale all the time but with the healthy way that you choose to eat , you can lose weight and keep it off. be good to yourself. you guys deserve it. even if you think you dont.

Brandieb
Hi. I feel I had to respond to your post. The scale says you are not fat..in reality you are not fat ( in fact ,underweight) but what is reality and what YOU think and FEEL are two very different things. Many ED's stem from forms of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) although you may not feel you have an ED at this time...it seems you are still rooted in the OCD. You should seek counseling. OCD as strange as they seem provide a feeling of safety and control and that may be your situation ( I would recommend a therapist to say for sure) It alarms me that your goal is such a low weight ...this weight would be considered anorexic. Please seek some therapy to see & figure out why you have such a distorted view of your body and a need to be at such a low body weight
Take Care of yourself & Peace & Blessings,
Laura

I am having the same problem, but i am finding it doesn't matter wheather i am fat, skinny, or at a healthy wieght, i am going to feel fat. It is loving ourselves that is the hardest. I am 5ft, 3 in and am around 100-105lbs, i know i am underweight, and i want to gain some muscle, but i am scard to death of changing anything in my food plan, i do it, gradually. You have to surprise your body every now and then, wheather it is exercise or food. I am a anorexic/exercise bulimic. I feel like i am slipping also. The more i exercise the more depressed i feel , but only before the exercise. THen i feel good. We are all looking for that fake something to fill in the holes we have on the inside, unfortunatley, we usually turn to fake things that make us even more miserable.