Cold and hunger
Okay, so that's kind of a dramatic title, but I'm glad it whetted your curiosity enough to click, because I would love some input on this.
Two things I'm dealing with more as I approach whatever weight it turns out my body wants to be.
Food first, because I'm hungry RIGHT NOW. (Fret not, I have a salad in front of me that I am slowly consuming.) And that's it in a nutshell (nuts? what kind? where?). This is like living with a perpetual toddler.
Voice of Reason, hereafter VR: Are you hungry yet? Would you like something to eat? It's been awhile . . .
Pre-maintainer, hereafter PM: Nope. Not hungry.
VR: What about now? Nice salad? Some yogurt? Chicken?
PM: not hungry.
PM: NOT HUNGRY!! OR HANGRY!! DON'T CALL ME THAT! I HATE IT WHEN YOU CALL ME THAT! And why is there never anything to eat around here? I'm hungry! I will DIE if I don't eat right now.
VR: Let's head down to the kitchen. Okay, lookey-here! Some nice greens?
PM: YES! NO! I wanna have an omelet! With green onions and red peppers and sour cream and salsa. Big! Three eggs.
VR: Okay, I'll make an omelet.
PM: NO! That takes too long. I want a salad! NOW!
VR: Okay, a salad it is. Coming up.
PM: and I want red peppers and tomatoes and kale and cheese and green onions and . . .
VR [voice is starting to fray a bit, but still calm]: fine.
PM: A big one! Put that in it and that in it and that in it and . . .
VR [forced smile, clenched teeth]: Coming up.
PM: Auughh. You put green onions on it. I don't want green onions. They make me feel sick.
VR: But you like . . .
PM: that was BEFORE, not NOW! And don't use that plate, use this plate. It's my favorite. And I want a napkin.
Food is prepared, and served to PM. The first few bites sound like sacrifices sizzling in Mt. Vesuvius, because of course PM is very hungry at this point and stomach juices have been notified and are at ready. Much gurgling and grinding, but finally settles down and then steady, if slow, eating commences, punctuated by the occasional belch as Vesuvius clears its throat.
Halfway through the salad, PM announces that she can't eat another bite.
PM: I am full. You made too much.
VR: But it's such a nice salad.
PM: You will regret it if you make me eat all of that.
VR: Chock full of things that are good for you.
PM: NOT HUNGRY!
VR: okay, I'm just going to put this in the fridge for maybe later . . . [sighs and exits stage left].
Does this sound familiar to anyone?
I'm not saying this is every meal. But let's just say the experience doesn't come as a shock.
Eating did not used to be this complicated.
I think I always was a meal or two ahead in reserves, and now since I'm not hungry a lot I sometimes run a bit behind the 8-ball, and then suddenly it's rolling over me. Not so much looking for solutions as company. I remember this from when I was much younger and thinner, the immediacy of hunger, and the intensity, the precision of what I was hungry for, the cessation of hunger, and the consequences of continuing to eat past that point. Like I said, like having a two-year-old in my head. I've learned to carry snacks, just like you do when you know you're going to have to keep a young child quiet when you're out and about.
Does this get worse? Or calm down?
Okay, now that I've had a few bites of salad and know I will not die RIGHT NOW let's talk about cold.
Does anyone find it a little harder to stay warm at this size? (I sense more than one of you peeking up in the corner to check that my weight is 148, not 108). I know that sounds kind of eating-disordered, but I always run a bit on the chilly side at any size. I'll wear a sweater while other people are in t-shirts. But it just seems to me that it's a bit more pronounced now.
For those of you who experience this (please let me not be the only one), does this pass once you get out of the losing stage and into maintenance? Or do you just throw on more clothes, or move to a warmer climate?
This is new territory, and I am just wondering if others have passed this way before or if I'm off wandering, a stranger in a strange land.
Okay, I have to go take a nap now.
Last edited by kathleen24 : Tue, Nov-07-17 at 18:46.