I have a two-year old and I know what it's like to have a terrible shock when you see video footage or photos of yourself with your baby. I have always seen myself as smaller than I actually am (I think this might come from only examining myself from flattering angles in the mirror. If I don't like what I see, I shift positions until things improve
) At 247, I think I thought I looked about 200 (boy, was I wrong) and at my current weight of 185, I seem to see someone who weighs around 160 in the mirror. At least the gap between the imagined weight and the real weight seems to be narrowing.
I have my husband take front, back and side shots of me every 10 pounds, so that I can see the progression and also get a sense of what I really look like. I usually feel disappointed, but as I get closer to being overweight rather than obese, I'm feeling more pleasure when I look at the photos. I had two NSV yesterday. My napkin stayed on my lap through an entire meal because it was finally resting on a more horizontal surface (my legs)...my stomach used to tilt the napkin vertical and cause it to fall on the floor. Damn gravity! I also climbed all over the jungle gym with my daughter and felt like a kid again! Woo-Hoo!
Once my daughter was born, I knew I'd have to really become serious about losing weight. She deserves a mom who can keep up with her and will be a good example to her. I don't want my daughter to grow up with a diet-mentality. I want to teach her how to eat a healthy diet, love her body and understand that there's more to who she is than what she looks like. As a child, my mother tried to send that message to me, but it was a case of what she did not matching what she said. I watched my poor mom battle her weight throughout my childhood and because she spent so much time and energy on it, I definitely came to believe that being thin was crucially important. Why else would my mother put herself throught what she did? As a result, I went on my first 1000 calorie a day diet when I was 11 years old and wanted to be 5 lbs thinner!
That's why I want to remove dieting as an issue from our household before my daughter is old enough to start internalizing negative messages about food. I know that I wouldn't have ever reached 247 on the scale if I hadn't been on countless lo-cal diets. 50 of those pounds were directly related to low-fat dieting. I've struggled with anxiety and depression for many years, and only managed to correct those problems by adding fat (crucial for brain function) back into my diet! I want my daughter to understand that food is her friend, that the proper diet will give your body the ability to accomplish anything. Rather than seeing food as the enemy, I want her to see it as a tool to power her dreams!