I have lived a lifetime of being eating disordered, (I'll be 39 soon, & I've had a dysfunctional relationship with food since I was really young, but I won't go into detail about that here). Most of my life, I've been extremely anorexic, (with small episodes of binging/purging). When I met my wonderful, amazing husband a few years ago, I wanted more than anything to heal myself & have a normal, happy life, & a normal relationship with food. The trouble was, once I actually started eating, the weight FLEW on to my body & stuck, (close to 40 lbs in less than four months), which caused the binging & purging behavior to start up again, (which didn't help a darn thing weight-wise, by the way).
Anyway, I'm here today because I needed to find a way of eating where I can be as normal (as I can possibly be, anyway) with food, and also help myself get to a healthy, comfortable weight, (LC, low fat is the only thing that works now for my poor, messed-up body). I'm also here for support & motivation with my exercise stuff, (I want to be strong, healthy & super-fit now)! I'll admit, I do struggle with wanting to go back to starving myself, (especially since I just gained a bunch of my weight back with a failed experiment), but I just have to force that thought out of my head every time it comes back. It kind of sucks, but in a way it's a good thing I wrecked my thyroid, (if I tried to starve myself now, it would just shut down completely & I wouldn't lose an ounce, so now I "have" to take a healthy approach)...

It's hard, but I feel almost like a normal human being for the first time in my life, & I really want to do this for my husband, (who deserves the best wife I can be)!

The more recent part of my story is on the first page of my journal, if anyone feels like checking it out, all are welcome!

iwantwings thank you for posting, I think we all relate to you one way or another. I have my issues as well and I just take it one meal at a time now. I have had several unhealthy aproaches at losing the unwanted weight and they have all failed. This time I want to do it right,

Dark Fairy and everyone

Thank you for posting this thread. I have battled anorexia in my early 20's. I only would eat a little lettuce each day. I got down to 108 on a 5'9 frame. Now I have found I am an emotional eater binging when I hurt or am down. I have also purged but only a few times.

I think it is a very important topic to bring forward. Thank you

Thank you for posting. I agree with you 100%. I think this is a subject lots of diet forums ignore. I know that when I change my eating habits my bulimia shows itself. I have to be diligent in controlling myself and the urges that lead me down the wrong road.

Hey Dark Fairy, I just saw this thread-I have similar history to you, I was/am bulimic-I say "was" because I haven't purged in over a year, "am" because the tendency is still there.

I always feel like I'm right on the line, I know it's wrong but it's still there.... I am definitely an emotional eater/binger as well.

Hi... I never really had a full-blast eating disorder, but I really teetered on the line! I'm a binge eater...

Now, I would say I'm on recovery, and doing pretty well. I noticed that I desire to binge when I am depressed about my weight... so stay positive! If you've lost weight healthily before but gained it all back, you still can - coz you've done it before!

Now, I'm a senior in highschool and I plan to major from Southeastern University on Human Services.

I've been through some pretty scary moments, and I want to help others, especially teen girls like me who struggle with their self image.

I'm also planning to write a book on "our journeys". Then, if anybody wants to help me, we can donate our profits to a charity - such as Mercy Ministries - who help those with disorders. I want to raise awareness on this issue since it is so taboo, like some of you have said. I don't want anymore beautiful girls hate themselves and go where we all have been.

Also, a book that really helped me was FACING YOUR GIANTS by Max Lucado.

What do you think? Would you like to help?

Binge eater. When I was 25 I gained 50 pounds in two months after a "stavation diet".
Still deal with emotional eating. Lost my bearings for a couple of weeks this month but back on track. Thankfully, been doing lc long enough - that my body "wants" to return to this way of eating. Back in ketosis after 2 days. Don't want to feel the way eating junk makes me feel anymore. Denise

I have suffered from bouts of buliemia/anorexia since my teen years...until now, I have never admitted it to anyone before...I've been okay since I started back on Atkins, but the thought is never far from my mind, because I don't remember the last time I looked at my body in a mirror and felt attractive....

how does one get better? how does one learn to love themselves as unconditionally as they love others?

Erika, that is the million dollar question! I'm not sure I'll ever honestly like my body. I'll tell others I do, but deep down I'll be lying. I've started to IF and it's been working great for me, but I'm also concerned too. It's very easy for me to go with out eating, that's why the IF works so well. I'll just have to focus on making sure I eat a good 1500 calories during my 5 hour meal window.

It's so great that you shared that with us, too. I know what a huge step that was for ya, you should feel like a weight has been lifted!

If anyone wants to join me on the "memoir" book... pls. say so on your posts! One thing that has really helped me with my self-image/depression was to remember all the other things that God has blessed me with: bright mind, loving family, freedom, etc.

I also started reaching out to others... those who have so much more problems other than their weight. Then just eat properly, excercise normally, and forget about it. Just do it!

AND PRAY! When you've failed over and over, you have to turn to Someone greater than you... I really recommend FACING YOUR GIANTS by Max Lucado! One of the quotes in the book: Focus on your giants, you tumble. Focus on God, your giants tumble!

Remember, God is all-powerful! He has healed the blind, the lame, lepers! I'm sure He can heal you too! He has already died for you - while we were still even sinners! - won't He do anything else for you besides?

Could you please stop preaching on these forums? Or tone it down a bit. Did you really need to go on for 2 paragraphs. Not everyone is Christian.

Thanks.

Fedrantet,

I understand that you are only trying to help people, and while that is very nice, you have to realize and respect the fact that there are people here from all over the world, and that we come from many different ethnic & religious backgrounds, (and some of us may not be religious at all).

If it were only that easy none of us would need to be here or even have this forum. And weight can be a huge problem - life or death or some.

Forget about it? Yeah right. You are on the wrong thread to be saying things like that, you obviously don't understand what you are talking about.

Very much agree. I've been making some improvement the last week, but I cannot help but feel this is just going to be a never-ending battle. I think back about when I was little and would wake up each Sat morning, stuff myself with cereal, eat breakfast my mother made, and then snack right after. All that was so normal and fun.

Now such scares the hell out of me. These days that would be purge-city. Or starve for a few days to rid of the guilt.