I chose, depensd on the person, I love to see the progress, and goals made, and I read journals, and success stories as motivation as well.. taht being said, I don't now want to hear about a 5 pound gain as being an obsession, and viewed the same as the 100 pounds some of us still have to lose, (for me it is 80, until I get close and possibly change my goal)

dianna

TDC maintenance is a pretty odd thing in a lot of ways.

I've actually been fussing over two lbs over the past few months, and spent a lot of time discussing it in PMs with one of the TDCers who's always been a huge source of support for me. I've lost almost 160 lbs, and since I've been on maintenance I've kept to a weight range of 150 - 155. At this weight, though, 2 lbs makes quite a difference in clothes fit and even a noticeable change in drag when hiking. I've spent a lot of PM time discussing whether or not I should try to keep my weight centered around 152.5, or center it around 151.5.

I know that sounds trivial to someone still in the process of losing a lot of pounds, but I needed a TDCer to talk about this with. I don't want to get into a cycle of vanity dieting, and I wanted feedback on whether I was making my decisions for the right reason. I have a gut feeling that my healthiest weight might actually be about 5 lbs lower than I am now, and I wanted TDC reassurance that it is a wise thing to limit any of my weight changes (up or down) to no more than two lbs every 6 months.

With so many people in the TDC trying to lose, and only an handful at their goal weights, I thought it best to keep my talk of this stuff private.

I know that right now, my 2 lbs isn't going to be something that anyone on the board cares about, unless they are good friends who care about all of my assorted personal trivia. Still, the whole experience of figuring out how to accept and maintain a constant weight after a lifetime of trying to change weight, how to determine how much gain or loss is "too much", how to keep maintenance a focus long after the weight loss compliments have come and gone, how to keep eating right and exercising (I'm 44 now, and wonder what it will take to stay committed to all of this at 50, 60, or 80 years old) - all of that stuff may be irrelevant to you now, but when you succeed in reaching your weight goal it will be the stuff that is totally relevant to you.

Sure, I could take all of this to the maintenance board, but how many people there have lost more than their current total body weight? I still feel I have much more in common with big losers here or big "trying to lose" folks than I do with the maintenance group.

Just a couple of cents of ramble thoughts.

Lynda

I think it's interesting to read about TDC maintainers... it's good to see where the road might lead.

Shoot Linda! Wished I could have eavesdropped on some of those PM's. I do realize some people are more sensitive about this stuff but I'm highly interested. Maintaining is something I know very little about. I know all about losing but when I get to goal it will be new territory for me. Who wants to reinvent the wheel when I can just learn from others. Next time you have some big discussions about it put it in your journal so I can hide behind the curtains and listen in

Julie Huck

We NEED those types of conversations on the TDC! We need balance. Over the last 2 years, I've seen a flood of people new to LC start their journey ... we need to read about the folks who have reached their destination, and are working to keep it wherever that is.

I hope you start sharing more of your maintenance issues, Ms. Lynda.

Wow, grrrrreat thread, guys!

Yeah, what he said and she said and she said. . . .

I am so inspired and encouraged by the successes of others--after years of reading that only a few percents of people take off weight and keep it off, it's nice to see that all the winners seem to have ambled over here--or that maybe success is not so unattainable after all.

I am fascinated by success stories--I'm kind of a success story junkie, I guess--because it holds out hope to me that someday I'll be able to live out the wonderful experiences people describe.

I also learn from others' experiences, so that I don't have to make all the mistakes myself--an exhausting process.

We're a continuum, a living chain of hands extended, from the most seasoned `old-timer' to the newest newbie on the block--each of us has a role to play in the success of all of us.

That having been said, I have a story to share that some of you may read and judge me as harsh--and maybe I am.

I have lost about 42 pounds over the last four months. I haven't discussed my weight loss or eating plan with but a few people at work. One of them is a friend who just started working here in the fall, at about 275. She gradually lost about 10 pounds over the winter. I told her about LC when she expressed an interest in losing weight, and finally, about 2 weeks ago, she started LCing.

The first day, I saw her in the staff room, where she was eating what looked like a good lunch to me, and started loudly stating that this would sure be better with bread, and that `Kathleen got me going on this diet, and I'm not having much fun with it," or words to that effect. I was a little taken aback, in part because I wasn't comfortable discussing my eating plan and weight loss with all and sundry, and in part because of her negativity about something I see so positively.

I leaned over her shoulder, looked at her lunch and said, "Looks good to me! I'll eat it if you don't want it." (I was on the fly, and skipping lunch.) I think she thought I was being mean.

Later we talked in private, and I told her that I didn't see this as a deprivation, but a great thing. She whined a little more about bread, and I said, "Do you want me to feel sorry for you?"
She said, "Yes. Yes, I do," and my response was,
"Then stay fat."

I still cringe at how brutal that sounded--but I think it got her attention, because she hasn't whined since--AND she stayed with it--it seemed pretty iffy at first. She has cravings sometimes, and we talk about substitutions, but it's a whole different tone of voice and attitude. Oh, btw, she is down to the low 250ies now!

I don't know how else to say this--I couldn't have carried her. We both have to swim for shore. I can advise, encourage, and applaud--but I can't drag her there. Would it have affected our friendship if I lose all my weight and she hadn't--I don't know. I think she's too generous a person not to be happy for me--but I think it would have been a strain because my success would have made her pain more accute.

What am I saying here? Weight loss does affect relationships, and the more successful I am being, the more unreservedly happy I can be for your successes. So maybe it's not just the successful losers that are the variables, but me, too. Makes sense?

Lynda, PLEASE don't hold back on discussing maintenance issues here!! Do you have any idea how inspiring it is for someone trying to lose to see someone who has done it? Besides, hopefully we'll all get where you are, and your questions can be filed away in the back of our minds til we get there.

I must say, I don't know what I'd do without all of you. You inspire me, you kick my tush when I need it, you give me ideas, you let me know that I'm not alone on this journey. Thank you, current and former TDCers alike, for all you do here.

Well said Kathleen! I don't think you were too harsh at all.

That's it exactly. One of my three sisters is on Atkins. She lives in Florida but I talk to her daily. She has 50 more lbs to lose (210/183/130) and she is 5ft 4in. Anyway I have 93 lbs to go. She's really struggling and has been for a year. She can't seem to go very long without cheating and she can't seem to get her exercise regular. I can't do it for her. She must make the commitment to keep "swimming" and to do the work. But she doesn't whine thank goodness and if she did I couldn't stomach talking to her and keep encouraging her. She'll figure it out I know she will.



I do think about this in relation to my family. In particular to my sisters. One sister I have needs Atkins desperately but wont consider it. She is at a point that her health is in serious danger. I'm good friends with her and see her quite often. I worry that when I do lose the weight that she will be uncomfortable around me or my kids (she seems nervous about the kids getting older and starting to pass judgments on her but she forgets that I'm their mother and I would never allow them to undervalue a person because of their weight). My losing weight will make her uncomfortable. I do believe that. But it's up to her what she does about that.

My second sister is the one from above that is currently on Atkins. If i happen to make it to goal weight before her then I'm pretty sure it will effect her relationship with me too. If i am losing weight and she is not she will stop IM'ing me for a few days. She's not mad but like you said I'm making her pain more acute. She's hinted that it bothers her that I used to weigh 100 lbs more than her and now I weigh 70 lbs more than her. She's mad at herself but this is something that she has to work out on her own. I'm patient.

My third sister is thin and always has been that way. She's always considered herself the "normal" one. She is a huge Atkins critic and actually has said that her and her children "need" sugar. That their bodies crave it. She also thinks that if her sisters would just eat sensibly and "balanced meals" then they wouldn't be fat. I take this to mean that she thinks I eat like a pig. I get along with her as long as diet doesn't come up. When I get to goal, I wonder then how she will take it. Her position in the family is to be the thin one and she doesn't ever like to admit that she's wrong about anything. I suspect that my getting to goal will upset her apple cart. Change the dynamics in the family. It's funny, but with her personality I think she will ultimately have the hardest time with me losing weight.


People must own their reactions and feelings about other peoples success at weight loss. No one can do it for me. And I can't do it for someone else.


Julie Huck

Thanks Woo for starting this thread. I agree with many of the things you wrote. And thanks Lynda for sharing too. I would certainly LOVE to read more of your discussions on maintenance!!

Like most in the TDC, I can't relate much to people who only have a little to lose. They are like a different species to me. Certainly a different race of people. They have never known what I lived through for so many years and worse; they often had contempt for me. I'm honestly glad when they lose the weight they want to, but I don't share much of a bond with them.

Funny things is, it's even a little hard for me to relate to those that "only" have 100 pounds to lose, or to those that have 300 pounds to lose (I had 200 pounds to lose). Each 100 pounds of being overweight seems to change things a lot.

The first hundred pounds makes you stand out as obese and you sense the scorn of the "normal" people. The second hundred pounds makes lots of things difficult. You don't fit into chairs and need seat belt extenders. The third hundred pounds makes life very hard and you can't even get around much.

I don't feel I can talk to people in the 300 pound category because I just can't relate to what they are/have gone through. And I wonder if people in the 100-pound category understand what I've gone through.

It's only natural then that I have a special affinity for people in the 200-pound category. I think many of us have similar feelings. They are even stronger when we notice somebody's stats that are very similar to our own. Especially when their starting stat and goal stat match ours.

You simply feel like they know exactly what you do. They are going through the same struggle and while their current progress might be at a different point, you still feel close to them.

That having been said, there is something that happens after you get way down in weight. Especially if your goal weight is a real "ideal" weight for *anybody* your height and age. TDC'ers often put goal weights considerably higher, and they seem to stop relating to you after you pass by some unnamed threshold.

Like Lynda said, you begin to worry that people will think you're obsessed and won't understand why you are working so hard to lose that last bit of fat (or whatever). Aren't you glad to simply no longer be obese? Aren't you "betraying" us to do what so few of us ever do? Hasn't this thing gone to your head?

Sure, we hear many say they look forward to joining us. They dream of the day they too will get to where we are at. But look, this isn't easy. It takes a real seriousness to do this. Losing a bunch of weight at the beginning is relatively easy, but eventually everyone stalls out and then things get tough.

It's at this point that there comes a division. Some will decide that they will never really make it and they give up -- and that is very sad. Others decide that where they end up is so much better than where they were and that they don't really need to make it to their original goal and simply decide to stay where they're at – and that’s great. Still others, like I so well remember Lynda, decide to get serious, they figure out what they need to do to break the stall, and they do it.

And believe me, I have I very strong affinity for people in that third category. Once again, only people that have gone through this can really understand. But since the number of people that do it seems to be quite small, I often feel quite alone in my current travels.

And frankly, now that I have become more and more serious about what I am doing, the less patience I have for the numerous threads on the TDC from all the newbies asking the same questions over and over and worse, crying for help all the time. Sure we need help and encouragement and I LOVE to give it too, but we really do need to find out how to swim this thing on our own. We really do need to take it seriously if we want to make it all the way.

I'm sorry if I've offended anybody. I really wish everybody could be just as successful as they want to be at this. I really desire everyone to succeed.

But in the end, I don't think most people understand what is ahead of them. I'm even afraid to tell them. I really don't want to discourage anybody. And so I often just don't say anything. I encourage them and hope for the best.

But I wish I could grab everyone and look you in the eye and implore you to truly take this thing seriously. You only have to go as far as you really want to, but realize now that to get down to a lower "ideal" weight will take a LOT more effort than you likely are doing now.

Just don't be disillusioned when you hit that wall and find it's harder than you thought it would be to go all the way. But if you decide to go for it, then you'll begin to understand what Lynda and Wooo have gone through.

Whatever you do, don't EVER go back to the way you started!

That of course brings us to another category of people -- those who have maintained for an extended period of time. And here, I look forward to joining that group soon!

Unfortunately, some of the people who have reached an "ideal" goal weight have had to become obsessed with their diet (or whatever term you want to use) in order to get there. I am afraid of that kind of obsession, but I understand it may be necessary to lose 150 pounds or more. I say this not as a moderator, but just as "me." To be at the point where a gain or loss of two pounds is a matter of great scrutiny would be overwhelming for me--it would make me unhappy, I think.

I wouldn't say I've given up, but that I am searching for a way to lose more weight while keeping on what I'd regard as an even keel. If I believed that losing faster was imperative to my health, I hope I would be willing to follow the drastic measures others have followed.

And now I have to get to the gym!

I don't think that that sounds trivial at all! Maybe some people who are still at the "other" end of the TDC might roll their eyes at those types of discussions because they are looking at it through the eyes of someone who still has 100+ lbs to lose, but I think most people would completely understand and really benefit from hearing these discussions.

We change a lot as we lose the weight: our perceptions change; the way we are perceived changes; and our outlook certainly changes. When I started at 292 in January, I would have "killed" to be under 240, heck, even 260 would have been great! Now, I am at 239, and my mind has adjusted to the fact that I am still very overweight. I am discontent with where I am now at 239. I'm not unhappy, because I am very happy about my success thus far, but I am NOT CONTENT with still being obese. I think that this disconent is what will keep me going until I hit a weight that is very healthy and I feel comfortable at. For the first time in my life I have chosen to do this for myself and believe that I will do it. I have mini-goals along the way as checkpoints, but I never lose sight of the goal, which is to be around 160 (or maybe less, I'll see). In the past on other plans like WW I found having to lose 100+ overwhelming, but that was probably because I knew I couldn't do it on that type of WOE which was not sustainable for me.

I think the real battle begins in maintenance, which is why I love hearing about the struggles and successes from all you TDC'ers who have made it so far, anything you have learned will help all of us when we get there too!

brpssm

You and I must be some kind of kindred spirits. Ditto to every thing you said. I would have killed to get into 240's but it's no longer good enough for me. I'm not content with my current weight (contentment can sabotage you). And yet I'm a very positive person and am happy with my progress so far. And Mini Goals are an amazing tool for me! Really helps me stay focused on the task at hand rather than the long road ahead.

Maintenance is a whole other animal. It's all about finding the balance. I don't see it as easier or harder than actually losing the weight. It seems harder because it's all new ground. You have to work harder at figuring it out. And if a person is struggling up and down a few lbs trying to find the balance, I don't see that as obsessing. I see that as learning. No one wants to lose all this weight just to gain it back again. So if you learn what your boundaries are eventually it will be a way of life and not a struggle.

Julie Huck

There is a lot of wisdom on this thread, thanks Woo for starting it and everyone who has contributed to it ...



This is such an important point.

One of these days, I'd like to see a thread about this specific issue.

Every single reply here has been an illumination. Wonderful responses from everyone.

My own reply is very simplistic and I do appologize. All the good stuff has been said already. Personally, I seek out the TDC'ers who have met their goal. If they are still here after having won their war, I want to hear what they have to say.

So funny that you say that, because I've noticed your posts before and thought the same thing!!!! Hi!