hugs to you, ((((sophie)))
I see it a lot on this board--the Eating Disorders mindset. ("I need to punish myself for a slip" and "I know I'm in a healthy weight range but you just don't understand how horribly fat I am" and "but I still have fat on my thighs!" from reproductive-age women and on and on and on.) You're absolutely right, LC can be used as a form of compulsive self-control just as can low-cal eating, exercise, vomiting, or use of various medications.
YAY for you for figuring this out. Don't take this the wrong way, but in a way, you made my day. I see the ED talk here a lot, and sometime counter it (and often tick people off when I do), seldom see people understand what's wrong....and so to see you having the lightbulb go off in your mind--wow! It's just a great thing to see. This truly does mean you're half the way to getting better.
BTW, I do seem to have "Bad" carbs for myself--but they aren't morally bad! I think I'm actually slightly allergic to wheat, and know I am to chocolate. Oddly enough (lol--okay, not so oddly), these are the only two foods I'd ever binge on. Otherwise, I suspect I can eat all sort of carbs.
But otherwise, you're right. Bananas are not evil, peanut butter isn't, veggies certainly aren't!...and believe it or not, being a size 16 isn't the worst thing that can happen to a woman, either.
I hope you post about this in the college/teens forum too--indeed, many (though hardly all) of our members who show signs of twisted, ED-type thinking about food are in that age range. I can hardly blame them with the constant barage of brainwashing they suffer on the topic, but we all need to work towards sanity on this issue, counter the profiteers' messages about our bodies, and learn to love ourselves even when we're fat.
Thanks for your honesty. Please don't hesitate to find professional help for your situation--if that's too scary right now, go to your library and check out some books on the topic, okay? There's hope, truly.
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