Can't remember where I first saw this, but copied it because it made me smile
Rules for Weighing
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on after dinner, as well as in the morning without clothes before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.
2. Shower first to rid yourself of that heavy ‘dirt’. Dry body and hair vigorously to avoid unnecessary water weight. Be sure to clean water and wax out of ears.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, and any other pieces of jewellery, these things can weigh a ton.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off ... to your advantage.
5. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
6. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
7. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.
8. The proper small-animal sacrifice beforehand doesn't hurt either ... just as long as you can eat it afterwards.