Wed, Jan-09-08, 09:15
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Taking MY Turn
Posts: 10,849
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Plan: Intuitive Eating
Stats: 240/220.8/190
BF:
Progress: 38%
Location: NY
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Kristie, I can tell you I really felt that way too...I was so achy and tired and numb (fingers) and just really "ready" even though I wasn't ready, if that makes sense. When you get to the point where you've had enough...I think it won't be much longer.
Now it's confession time for me. And I hope this will actually HELP you, Kristie, so bear with me.
I breastfed for 5 days. As of today I am not pushing myself to do so and we are simply (and very successfully) bottle feeding him. There is a part of me that KNOWS deep within my heart this is right for our family, but there is also another part of me that is devastated and feeling like a failure for not being able to handle it. The logical side knows that with us shooting another wedding in a couple weeks and me taking care of our home and my 80-year-old mother (who needs MY help and who is limited in helping me) while my husband has to go to work that even the TIME it takes to breastfeed is near to impossible...not to mention the pain I've experienced. I fed Ian from the moment he was born by my breast and have various helpful tips from people in the hospital and was successful in doing so. But every moment has been excruciating physically because I am so sensitive. (Let's be real - look at how blonde and fair I am and he is too.) Will you forgive me for being graphic for a moment when I say I have uncanny nipple sensitivity? So I knew going in it could be painful. I also had concerns about the crossover from my breasts being sexual to sustenance. But I will say this, the moments that I did have with him successfully latching were magical. It was like one soul feeding another and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I guess that's why I'm crying a bit as I write this. But for me, I just can't get past the pain and frustration and tension (which all work against you). And I decided for the sake of all of us (hubby included, who is very pro-bottle for all these reasons) that transitioning to formula would be best. I gave Ian all the colostrum I had and some breast milk too and I have to have faith in my choice.
What I'm hoping for you is that it doesn't hurt like it does for me. But part of that is being ready for anything, having help on hand, staying relaxed and accepting that it's going to be a foreign but rewarding experience. Watch positioning of both you and the baby. Take notes on breast care and be ready to devote a lot of time to the process. It sounds like Algts will be a good role model and support for you on this, but I just wanted you to know my real and human and recent experience with it. It shouldn't make you nervous, but I want to manage your expectations so you understand it's NOT just some intuitive "easy" thing (though it could be for you and I do wish you that).
But above all, believe in your success and know in your heart whatever you accomplish WILL be good. I consider myself to have been successful, even if it was short-lived, because I think anything good you can do for your child makes you a successful mother.
*phew* Ok, that was hard for me. BFing is such a difficult topic. But it wouldn't be fair to the rest of you if I weren't completely honest and open about what I'm doing.
Oh, btw, I think Jess asked in the other thread about feeling emotional postpartum? Well hells yeah I do. I am thankful every moment for that precious baby who's sound asleep in his crib right now. But my body is confused and exhausted and I'm feeling overwhelmed and last night I cried myself to sleep. Postpartum emotions are very real and we are wise to accept and monitor them carefully, I think.
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