Posting today is almost humiliating. I have done horribly the last month. No gym time hardly my energy levels have sucked. To develop the gym as a part of my life, I have got to go at the same time every day. The workout has to be set before i ever go. I am struggling. Ballys which is my gym of preference, opens at 6am. Which is too late for me. There is another gym.. 25 minutes away from me Worlds Gym, where I can get help from a personal trainer who will push me and help me get results. Ballys is horrible about that. Their people are just not into helping customers. My weight is down.. yes.. but I dont feel solid.. I am no where close to toning and I am feeling discouraged.

Depression has been my enemy the last few months. I am going to start having a 9pm bed time during the week and getting up at 5:15 to get to the gym. Body for Life is the way to go.. I know it.

I just need some motivation. Anger only motivated me while I was angry. lol.. I dont hold a grudge well, so it is not a good motivator long term.
Perhaps just the desire to feel good and have energy and some self confidence.

Its Mid May, and I have my 20 year reunion in two months time.
I want to surprise the people I went to school with. They all knew me when I was thin. Its such a blow to have people look you over and determine that you are not a success because you are not a size 10 anymore.

Wish me luck. Today is Mother's Day! Maybe its time Mom gave herself a gift.

Take care everyone.