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Refuse To Regain

The Unsatisfactory “M” Word
Posted: 04 Apr 2009 01:21 PM PDT
By Barbara Berkeley
As anyone who has read this blog knows, I have the sometimes annoying tendency to create new words and terms. Primarian, Scream Weight, Gong Food, IBM….the list goes on. I don’t do this to be cute. Honestly, I don’t. I’m just attempting to reframe the language of weight loss. So much of what we say about weight loss and maintenance appears wrong to me. And we keep repeating the same phrases over and over. My compulsive creation of new words is my brain’s way of trying to speak about weight in a different language.

Recently, I’ve become increasingly unhappy with the word “maintenance.” To maintain simply means to keep things at a steady state. It’s a boring word; one with absolutely no passion or appeal. Who wants to aspire to maintain? It seems like an endless drag.

When I look at what you have written and when I speak to maintainers, I am struck by the fact that all of you are far more than a stable scale number. Successful maintainers are something else entirely. They are changelings: people who have been able to permanently remake themselves. They’ve gone from one side of the world to the other. There has got to be a better descriptor for this new state than “maintenance.”

I’ve been unable to get my mind around the right word to substitute for “maintainer.” In my book, I call long-term successes Weight Mentors, but that really doesn’t capture the morphing from one being to another that characterizes you changelings. (Neither does “changeling,” by the way).
Dr. Oz asked me the following question during our radio interview: “What is the moment that causes someone to go from a person who’s been struggling with weight forever to someone who can permanently control their weight?” I couldn’t tell him because I don’t know the answer. To be honest, it seems no one else does either. All we can say is that the switch seems to flip for some people at some undetermined moment. (Should we call you “The Flipped?” I think not!) It’s very unsatisfactory to think that this flipping is unpredictable, but in a way there’s something wonderfully hopeful about it. The fact that a transformation like this can happen even after many unsuccessful attempts tells us that it can happen to anyone with enough persistence.

Maintainers seem to be particularly alive. I suspect this has a multitude of explanations. They live a life that is closer to the life nature intended, consuming purer fuels and using the body actively. They have a daily purpose: health. They have a sense of accomplishment that reflects very real achievement. None of this is boring. None of this has much to do with simply keeping things on an even keel.

In other words, maintainers aren’t simply maintaining. Using this word to describe them seriously shortchanges what they’ve done and continue to do. If you’re a “maintainer,” you’re reveling in a new way of being. You’re exploring and enjoying a brand new territory. You’re continuing to educate yourself about the new neighborhood you now inhabit. It’s an interesting, compelling, challenging process, not at all conveyed by the “m” word.
So what is the word that describes this new way of being? Like “maintenance” and “maintainer” it should have two forms, one to describe the state and one to describe those who inhabit that state. Give it some thought.

I really enjoyed reading her blog today. I do think that those of us who are maintaining, don't give ourselves enough credit for what we're actually doing.