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July 05, 2009

Bikinis and Maintenance and I Will Never Look Like That

By Lynn Haraldson-Bering

I’d like to welcome the newest resident in Maintenance World: my friend Shari!

I met Shari in 2006 at my former gym, and at first I knew her only as the brunette who monopolized my favorite elliptical. She knew me as the blond who monopolized her favorite elliptical. We were destined to be best friends.

Shari is who I blame and thank (depending on the day) for telling me the Oprah show was looking for weight-loss success stories – people who’d lost in excess of 100 pounds through diet and exercise. I wrote a letter to the show, forgot about it, and then six months later, we were on a plane to Chicago. No way was I doing that scary bit of TV without her.

Shari became a lifetime member of Weight Watchers at her meeting last week after losing weight for the final time. Shari’s been up and down the scale (sound familiar?) many times, but has embraced this time as her last time because…well…she “got” it. You all know what I mean.

Here’s what Shari had to say about the whole losing weight/maintenance thing:

Lynn: How much did you lose and how long did it take?

Shari: I started at 140.5 and weighed 113.5, as of this morning. I am 4'11" tall, so every pound shows. I have nowhere to hide extra weight.

My total loss so far is 27 pounds. I'd like to lose maybe 3-5 more. It has taken 22 weeks to get this far.

Lynn: What was “different” this time and how do you know this is your last time down the scale?

Shari: It feels different this time because I didn't give up the foods I love. I learned to eat them responsibly. I learned to control my portions. I lightened recipes by switching to whole grain and reduced fat versions of ingredients. But I didn't give up anything.

I've lost weight, only to regain it many times in the past. The difference is that none of those temporary successes was livable for me in the long term. I accomplished my previous losses by eating too few calories with too little variety to be sustainable. My stints of being super strict about what I was allowing myself to eat were eventually followed by binge eating with reckless abandon. Likewise, in my super strict mode, I would exercise like a maniac for a period of time and then burn out.

I know this is my last trip down the scale because I have finally learned that I don't need to be an all or nothing girl. I really can eat whatever I want...in moderation, and I have found a sensible level of exercise that keeps me feeling healthy and fit without being overwhelming.

I'm nervous about maintenance only because I recognize it as my weak area. This time, however, I have better tools, I have a support system, and I have the knowledge necessary to eat responsibly. And you can bet there will be a bikini picture of me hanging on the fridge to motivate me through the winter!

Speaking of that bikini photo…here it is. When I asked her for an “after” photo and she sent this, she wrote, and I quote, “OMG, I can’t believe I’m doing this!”

I’m pretty sure the baby blue jay I photographed in our lilac bush last week was thinking the same thing: “What am I doing?” He sat there for at least an hour looking nervously at all the other birds and bees and wildlife as his parents brought him food. His fuzzy grey down was molting over his lovely blue feathers. I took this photo through my bathroom window, so it’s not the best shot ever, but hopefully you can see the “new” him emerging underneath.

None of us can really know why lies underneath as we shed pounds. I was thin a few times when I was younger, but I was just that: younger. My skin was younger, my muscles were younger, my breasts and thighs and tummy were younger. Then they were introduced to gravity and cellulite, and as I got bigger and smaller and bigger again, my body got confused, and the things that bounced back before didn’t this time, and so I am who I am…nowhere near bikini presentable, but still presentable.

This is why Shari’s photo is so powerful to me. We’re both at goal, but we look so different. Shari has the body type I will never have without years of surgery, if that’s even possible. I’d love a few curves, but I’m not built that way. That’s a fact I can accept and move on from. It’s the excess skin thing that still bothers me, like a gnat flying around my head. Years of such extreme weights has caused me to have such sad, flappy skin. But before you think this is a “poor me” post, it’s not. I just sometimes need to mourn the loss of elasticity that could have been mine if I’d taken better care of myself in the past. I just wish there was a way to get that message across to young women today. Alas, so many more people are obese now than ever.

I smiled when I got Shari’s reaction when I told her my perspective: “About the body type thing,” she wrote, “I would love to have long legs like yours, so I guess we're even. I will never have them. Could never have them. Surgery does not exist that would make it possible.”

This leads me to ask you: Is anyone reading this truly and completely satisfied with their body type? I am once I talk my way through it, but it sometimes takes a lot of talking over the course of a lot of days. While I’m much more comfortable with my body than I was when I first got to goal two years ago, and especially more than I ever was when I was overweight – not because I was overweight, but because I over-analyzed every one of my faults, including the physical ones – I still compare and contrast myself with other women.

So tell me. Do you do this? Not do this? Also, do you have maintenance advice for our newest resident? If there’s one thing I’ve learned writing this blog for more than a year is that we have a lot more in common than not, so as always, I look forward to your responses.

http://refusetoregain.com/my_weblog...-like-that.html

Click on the blog article link to be able to see the photos she refers to.

Quote:

Shari’s been up and down the scale (sound familiar?) many times, but has embraced this time as her last time because…well…she “got” it. You all know what I mean.

This sounded very familiar to me, and yes, I know exactly what she means, because I think that I have 'FINALLY GOT IT' too!