Originally Posted by sarar

I'm back in AL. I was able to leave Daddy using his new glucose meter successfully and with a better understanding on how to treat his diabetes. I've talked with him every day since then. He seems less depressed, and he is feeling empowered.

I had a great weekend. I realized that yesterday was the first time I've been to let myself feel happy since all of this nightmare began in January. That doesn't mean that my heart isn't broken for Mama, but I am moving into a better place---detachment I guess. I, too am beginning to feel some empowerment.

I was rereading Seventh Heaven by Alice Hoffman. It is set in the year of 1959....the year I was born. The character development in that book is top notch. I am thinking this morning of the description from the overweight young mother. She had lost herself in her role of mother/wife until a washer repairman treated her with kindness. The small gesture reached in an helped her get in touch with her inner self. She began a diet--for herself....she told no one. After a short time she stopped weighing herself and stayed on the plan just for the sake of sticking to her regimen. One day her pants fell to her ankles in the meat dept. of the A&P. She began to imagine beautiful clothes. I won't go into her full storyline, but later she described that in her fat body she felt "dead inside." That really resonated with me. I remember that feeling from many years ago. No one would have suspected that I too was dead inside. I appreciated the memory and the sense of wonder as I lost weight and began a wonderful journey.

I remind myself that I am still on that journey. I am getting back in touch with myself. I've felt myself getting lost in the layers of the caretaker role....daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, teacher. I am feeling in touch with myself again.