I agree with Blackstone, it is one of the most difficult things to go thru and it is best to cut all ties with the x.

My heart is breaking for you, nobody deserves to go thru such pain.

I speak from experience, I was married to my highschool sweetheart for over nine years, we separated, his choice, divorced and cut all ties (we had no children, thought that I could not). I thought that I was going to die, went thru everything that you are right now.

I remarried, now have 3 wonderful children and a husband that loves me to death and treats me like a princess.

Just a sidenote, I recently recieved a friend request from him, I accepted it and we chatted some, I have even seen him, (he is handyman and did some work on my house for me) it was 21 years and 7 months since I had spoken to him or seen him. I am in such a different place in my life as he, I would have not been able to have healed and let go if I would have been in contact with him all those years. I won't lie, it did take a long time.

Hang in there, keep yourself busy, surround yourself with friends and family and by all means eat, don't let him win by you making yourself ill.

Roxanne