Coco...I really understand what you are saying about the extra pressures of the college environment. Professionally, I am a counselor working in a college counseling center, and much of my time is spent working with young college women with eating disorders. It can be a very high stress and chaotic environment, where you are surrounded by very unhealthy messages. One of the hardest things in getting over an eating disorder is the feeling that you are going to totally lose control. And, if control = thin, then "out of control" must equal fat. In trying not to look like you had an ED in front of your prospective employers at all those dinners, you found yourself in a place where you felt you HAD to give up your control.(although perhaps you didn't, but I understand why you felt that way.) One of the most important things I emphasis with women who are trying to regain their weight from an eating disorder, is that it is extremely important to regain their weight slowly and in a very controlled and thoughtful way. That way they learn they can be "safe" at this new weight, and they don't need to freak out that the weight gain is now out of their control, like a run away train, and they are just going to keep gaining and gaining and not be able to stop. But, the fine line between healthy control and eating disordered unhealthy control can be tricky and a bit hard to sort through. We want to learn to be mindful of what we eat, but not afraid.

Anyway, I'm sending to you. I have a very soft spot in my heart for college women who are struggling with this issue!