Active Low-Carber Forums - Finally no guilt!

I wrote this paper for school and posted it in my journal. It was recommended by a lot of my forum friends to post it here.
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I have always been overweight and have been on a diet for as long as I can remember. It was always apparent to me that the answer to all of my problems was to be thin. My father had told me “you will have to beat the boys off you with a 2 X 4,” and my mother explained that I could have a new wardrobe if I would only lose some weight. This sounded easy enough, but this was always an emotional and physical struggle for me. Even though I was always denying myself food, I was still fat. Since others were constantly offering me diet advice, it was obvious that they were judging me by my appearance. I knew this meant that I was not good enough. It hurt when others told me what I should or should not eat. In response, I became a closet eater. I learned to hide my eating from the world and food became the center of my universe.
When I was in my early teens, my youngest sister was diagnosed as hyperactive. They medicated her with Ritalin, which made her semi-comatose for months. She just sat quietly and stared off into space for hours. It was horrible. My mother researched more natural ways of dealing with Stacy’s issues and found the “Feingold diet.” This was a diet that consisted of only natural foods: no processed sugars, and no artificial colors or flavorings were permitted. This had proven effective with some children and my sister responded to it immediately. To keep my sister on her diet the entire house was emptied of all my favorite foods, which only seemed to trigger more issues within me. Food in the house was healthy and bland, food outside the home became secretive and eaten to excess.
For me, food was not only a source of pleasure, but of guilt and embarrassment as well. I hated my appearance and took every opportunity to hide my body under enormous clothing. Shorts and bathing suits were not even a consideration for decades of my life and not many pictures were taken either. I felt I had no value because of my appearance, those years didn’t really exist for me. In my mind, my life would begin when I finally lost weight.
When I was twenty-five years old, I was obese. I was 5’3” and weighed over 260 pounds. That summer I went on a cruise and although I had fun, it was physically difficult for me. I went dancing every night and found myself huffing, puffing, and drenched in sweat. My self-image was at an all time low. I decided then and there that I was too young to feel that way. My trip became the catalyst to begin really dieting. This time was different though, because it was finally for me. I started taking karate classes as exercise and went three or four times a week. I ripped every muscle in my body. It hurt to walk up stairs and even breathing was uncomfortable for weeks. But stopping was not an option since this had become the most important thing in my life. I learned about nutrition and fitness. I started eating low fat and counting my calories. I alternated exercise programs often because I tend to get bored easily, but exercise remained a constant in my life. Over the next two years I lost 80 pounds! I was still always hungry, every meal was painful for me because I was always depriving myself something. But I also had a sincere feeling of pride in my accomplishment. Food was still the center of my universe, but it seemed that I was finally in control.
The next eight years were more of the same. I continued with the same diet and exercise that was successful, but it was no longer working. I was still always hungry, but now frustrated too, because although my body continued to look somewhat firmer from the exercise, I had bounced up twenty pounds and was only gaining and losing the same weight.
Two years ago I tried a program that included; weightlifting, aerobics, and a strict diet combination called “Body for Life”. I chose jogging as my aerobic exercise. Did I mention that I hated jogging? I was so proud that I could do it but it felt awful to my body. I jogged a few miles every other morning before work. I remember the sound of each foot as it hit the pavement, my heart beating so loudly that it made me uncomfortable. I was wearing a heart monitor that would sound an alarm as my heart rate went too high, so I had to keep slowing myself down and control my breathing. One autumn morning it was so dark, I almost ran into a deer crossing the road. That was scary! This regiment did change my body though. I lost two dress sizes in just a few months. My problem was that I hated what I was doing and I knew I would never choose this for the long run. With my body, I needed to find something that I could live with. The worst part was that my fiancé was so impressed with my willpower and the changes in my body that I felt pressured to continue. Over time my dislike for jogging overpowered my need to please him and I did finally stop. This was after all my life. I gained back my two sizes within two months.
I changed exercises and went back to my low fat, low calorie eating and back in a size 18 again. I realized this was just who I was and I would have to learn to live with it. I was never going to be satisfied with my looks or my body. Millions of women feel this way, what made me think I was different?
Then a year ago, there were two women at work that I noticed were losing a lot of weight. When I talked to them, I found they were doing the Atkins diet and both said they felt great. From everything I had read previously, I believed this was very unhealthy but I was suddenly very interested in learning more. I started doing some research on the internet. I was searching for cases where people got sick from the diet, but I was unable to find one documented case. In fact I learned quite the opposite, this was a healthy way to lose weight that was being proved again and again by prestigious schools, hospitals and even the American Heart Association. I decided I would try the two-week Induction phase to see how I felt.
Induction is the first phase of the diet, where a person lowers their daily carbohydrate count to fewer than 20 grams a day. You are to eat almost all your “carbs” in the form of healthy green vegetables. The purpose of lowering your carbs to this level is to cause ketosis. This is when the body begins to burn all energy from fat instead of carbohydrates. The part I liked best about this diet was that you were supposed to eat whenever hungry. You learn to eat until satisfied and counting carbs was the only rule. If you have already eaten all your carbs for the day, there are still proteins and fats allowed without any restraint. There was suddenly no guilt associated with eating. I hoped this was the diet for me.
For the first five days I felt horrible. What happens is that the bodies’ blood sugar drops from the change in eating habits. I felt nauseous, dizzy and had a constant headache. On the sixth morning I woke up and felt good, really good. It was like a fog had been lifted from my head. My thoughts were clearer, I felt stronger and most importantly, I felt healthier then I could remember ever feeling previously.
I have continued with Atkins for the past year. I still exercise in some form or another consistently and am now a size 10. I have lost 103 pounds in total! I am smaller then I have ever been in my adult life and I feel strong and healthy everyday. I am no longer “fat” and that pleases me to no end. I wear shorts, sleeveless shirts and I actually enjoy clothes shopping with my husband. I never imagined this would ever be possible for me.
I know that I will need to be conscious of the way I eat for the rest of my life. But I am so happy with the foods I get to eat now. I eat until satisfied whenever I am hungry, finally with no guilt!